Friday, December 31, 2004

Have a God-filled 2005!

Seeketh and you shall find. Knock and you will be answered.

Continually seek God through the murkiness of this fallen world. At the end you'll realise, what a fool! He was with me all the while.

Another year on this earth. Thankful for our blessings, stedfast in Christ, longing to be called back home.


A lament of the heart

Something happened. Something of those silly airy fairy things. Those emotional things. Things that just creep up on you unawares. And when you get aware of it, the fuzzy feeling creeps up on you. In the aftermath, you start to doubt what you thought at first upon seeing the actions. Confused. For souls cannot well fanthom other souls in terms of subject and object, the signifier and the signified, for such a distinction is false!

And worse, at first it came, and crept silently, and there built up a silent joy, but in a flash, it all seemed to be folly. For I then saw the latter action, the latter signifier, and turned away in silent sorrow, hurt, jealous and angry. But I thank God I was not led to forsake a brother.

On pain of commiting the greater sorrow for the weakness of the flesh have I left, my vain pride reasoned.

But I was hurt, and jealous, and left in a green jealous huff. God I hate myself. But then Jesus softly reminded me: "But I love you more." What grace and mercy hath my God! No matter how incomprehensible, most certainly we are all so undeserving.

In the instant after which I then recalled.
A fact that hath made the latter signifier of none effect on my joy. And my turning away in jealousy my own undoing. An incomprehensible fool I am! Did my haste, my ill-informed jealousy, make me lose a joy I could have had?

"You foolish child," my Father replied. Is He not in control? Is not all His Will?

Thy Will be done Father. Not mine but your Will. For I am a fool, a fallen. And I trust in you Father, that you know what is best.

I stand ready and wait. Father by Thy Hand.

Praise God! God keep us all.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Have a heart that wants to seek God, but confused by the Trinity?

Doctrine of the Trinity

Begotten, created. Christ is begotten of God. That is why we sort of try to explain this as God the Father, Son and Holy Ghost as being of one essence. The point of this is to show how men are different, that they are created of God, in God’s image, but we are still created, not begotten.

Jesus is 100% God, 100% man, but however you are going to put it – always was, is, will be (ah, the fallacy and cumber of the English language I so adore), higher than us because He is divine. He is of the same essence as God. So He is God. (The actual doctrine goes something like one God, three Persons, or one Essence, three manifestations, or Godhead or I’m not sure what else). The inadequacy of our English language. My brother tells me its expressed a little bit more clearly in German or some other language.

Slight digression, elaboration

One reason I believe why this is so hard to understand is because we tend to think of things in terms of embodiments. I, am Jerry. Who is Jerry? This person, this living body over here. But here we talk of divine things. Where is Jerry's essence? or soul? We tend to think of ourselves in terms of our physical embodiment or location that our sensory percepts so indicate. Perhaps for us fallen creatures we are bound to our flesh, so our soul is where our body is. Its an entrapment. But God's essence is Divine, He transcends, no, He created all things! So of course He is beyond! But I need to clarify, that I am not putting our soul on equal footing with God's essence. It is for want of a better word that I use it. I just know that we all long to return to Him, if we search our hearts and cast out all the trappings of this world that cloud us.

How impossible that would be for us fallen men! But with God all things are possible.


Search and read Scripture to be sure. Seek earnestly with your heart yet with meekness and longsuffering. Don’t be disheartened if you can’t explain it to others as a means of showing comprehension, but seek to comprehend it in your heart.


This doctrine probably came about because some people started going around saying that Jesus was human at some point in time (they say He somehow managed to attain some divine status later - sometimes used to like Christ with buddha), Jesus was not conceived by the Holy Ghost (that’s why we keep stressing Virgin Mary), Jesus was a mere prophet, Jesus was not God, apart from the usual accusations back then. You can find out more from some of the writings of the early church fathers when lots of these clearly blasphemous teachings started surfacing. Anyone got some church history resources to share?

God keep us all.


i dare to say i haf been under trials. on-going trials. plague me all the time.

so many things have plagued me and pained me since my heart confessed that Christ is Lord. renewing is painful to the flesh. I don't know how much more I have to go through, how much longer it will take.

and I fell and was made humble, many times, and suffered to know my nature and how unfit I am to be in God's glory, if not for the blood of Christ alone which made me righteous!

He is my hope, my only hope, and I truly look forward to when i am called home to the Lord, for I know my trials would have ended.


Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Quake / Tsunami disaster

May God have mercy on the souls of the departed.

How did people react?

Thankful - thanking God, luck, government, prayers, or their own clever intellect in making certain decisions.
Angry - No warning before hand, government, 'inconveniences' resulting from it.
Compassion - Donations, help, outpouring of sympathy
Preventive - implementing new policies to try and prevent such things.

And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilaeans were sinners above all the Galilaeans, because they suffered such things? I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
- Luke 13:2-3

For all who recognize and fear God's Will - a call to repentence.

feel free to post your comments.

The Passion - judging Pilate?

I once conversed with Lydia, to whom may God grant peace and serenity, with regards to whether Pontus Pilate had the free will or choice to cruxify Christ. For many of you who have seen The Passion of the Christ, I can't remember for sure, but it's rather hard to tell from he himself what he was thinking. Indeed, from the scriptures themselves there is no mention of how Pilate felt.

Pilate of course was the governor of Rome, like most of us, fallen men who did not know God and worshipped idols or themselves.

However, in almost dramatic irony, he does in fact call Jesus the King of the Jews. Some may use this to point out that the Gentiles, yes, even his executor, acknowledged his authority. But then, as to whether Pilate actually knew the significance of that title, we won't know.

Pilate did stall and hesitate on sentencing Jesus to death. From Luke 23 we see he did send him to Herod, but perhaps on a technicality, Jesus is returned to him.

He also kept declaring that Jesus was found faultless and wanted to set him free, despite the fact that declaring oneself to be a King in a Roman province was tantamount to betrayal to Caesar, Pilate questioned him and found him faultless. Matthew Henry says that this is proof that even Pilate was humbled in the presence of the Lord and acknowledged somehow, his authority.

He even wanted to release Jesus at the passover. He could have reasoned: "Surely, the Jews would rather have this man back rather than a murderer."

In the movie this is dramatised by Pilate symbolically washing his hands and saying that he had no part in this.

Perhaps because the director couldn't find a way to express this in Pilate himself, or was worried the average cinema-goer might not realise it, perhaps he got Pilate's wife to be the dramatisation of perhaps the softer side of Pilate's raging conscience, including the compassion that was shown of Pilate's wife to Jesus's women followers who wept. Or dangerously this could be a subtle influence of the recent Mary Magdelene gospel that has resurfaced.


The movie seems to suggest that Pilate might have wanted to appease the Jewish crowd as he feared another rebellion, which would greatly affect his position and office in Rome, and people might say that he was being selfish and that he had a choice. This in a sense makes him a willing villian.

Others will point to his acknowledgement of Jesus's authority and that he was an unwilling accomplice, villifying the Jews instead, as is the tendency.

The fallen human faculty, alas, understands best only in opposites and people have a tendency to judge and find an object to hate.

The point here is not to be sympathetic to Pilate or anything, for we are not to here to judge anyone. However, what I want to do is to caution against the typical 'villifying' of people. After watching the movie, some people may villify Pilate. The typical tendency is to villify Jews or Pharisees.

Let it be clearly known that despite what seems to be taught and on the surface, Christianity is not about being angry with the Jews and Pharisees. No, Judge not and ye shall not be judged. Such divine revelation could be, I dare suggest meekly, to record the fulfilling of prophecy and maybe as a lesson that noone should overly fixated on power, pride such that God is left behind.

As it is in scripture, in spite of seeing the miracles Jesus performed right before their very eyes their pride led them instead to call Jesus a user of the powers Beezelbub - "Lord of the Files" or prince of devils. Praise God that we believe even without witness to such manifest miracles! Truly, with God nothing is impossible.

I think it is a wrong mindset to teach "Do not be like the Pharisees" or "Do not be like Pontus Pilate". That doesn't mean that what they do is to be condoned either! But then, judge not, and obey the commandments "love God", "love thy neighbour" first of all, and continually seek Him all the time. For to judge is not our prerogative, but to seek God.

Such, unfortunately, is the state of today. Our favoured medium of spreading ideas is the movies, reading (since now most of us are literate). We think we are smart since we're all literate now and can take in ideas and teachings easily.

On this basis do people argue that people of times past where illiteracy was the norm we couldn't blame them that access to scripture was denied them and consequently perverted. So then they blame the clergy. We are not in the business of judging remember?

But then, look at ourselves, we may all be literate, but do we still not pass unwarranted judgements? Stereotypes? Prejudices? Does not our fallen state still hamper us when we try, by and only on our own will, to have some semblence of knowing Christ?

There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.
- Romans 3:11

Let not vanity and pride of intellect cloud us in our understanding, for to truly understand, we must have a heart that seeks God.

So back to my conversation with Lydia. Free will? Free choice? No choice? Unwilling? Driven by circumstances? Fulfilling prophecy? (May God forbid! That we do things that plague our conscience and go against God's commandment for the sake of fulfilling prophecy). I have my personal thoughts (all the predestination and Calvinism things seem to be bubbling up) on this but perhaps for another time.

But most importantly, we must judge not, for only God knows the hearts of men, but rest assured in Christ and seek Him continually. Amen!

May God be with you always Lydia

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Exhortations and encouragement

With regards to non-believers

“hate the sin love the sinner” ? – Its not in the bible. It seems to be able to help us when it comes to being with non-Christians. But is it Biblical?

Or “love the sinner, forgive the sin” – but I hesitate when the writer says ‘forget’ – as in, no punishment.

From a philosophical point of view, are we taking this ‘subject object’ distinction too far down? Even with regards to ourselves? Can we separate sin and sinner and treat them as such? I regret and admit I have erred in making such a presumption.

However, it doesn’t mean that we condemn and stay away from such people lest we be guilty of pride. And responding in hatred persecution is clearly what Jesus did not teach.

So, if you actually read the URLs above, and what I write now, you realize that God commands no extremism in human terms. For that 1st URL above is too engrossed in statistics and argument for its sake, but forgets God in the process.

The last sentence he writes is that we should cut them off. Yes, I agree, we must cut such people off – meaning we mustn’t commune with them as though it didn't matter what they were doing.

For the 2nd URL it stands in further clarification of what action should be taken least we be guilty of loving the sin too!

To forgive the sin does not mean we condone it, but have to say clearly it must be repented of. And while he insists in it we don’t condemn him but rather wait patiently that he may come to understanding – that we keep our doors open. But it doesn’t mean we continue on with him as though it doesn’t matter.

Always be prepared and eager to explain to them, to help them realize that they have been deceived and they should repent of it from their hearts.

Love thy neighbor as thyself – as Christ commands, - that if we truly love the person in question we want to calmly and with longsuffering show and reason with him of his having been deceived.

Remember how once we were all lost in the darkness of this world, taking pride and comfort in its trappings, not acknowledging the source of all its goodness and blessing?

Remember how once our souls were lost, sufficed of this world but still searching for meaning and reason to life, forgetting its miraculous source yet seeking it?

Remember how we were once proud, stubborn and ignoring the pleas of our those who truly loved us and kept telling us of the Truth that would make us free.

Indeed we had been but impossible cases, and undeserving, but with God all things are possible, and He delights in His mercy. Amen!

So remember those among you, and do not lose heart. But most importantly worship God by trusting in His Will, that everything is in his power and control and let His Will be done as it is good in His sight.

I believe Jesus came down not to make people perfect and holy, for we are fallen and cannot be. Jesus came to atone for our sins so that we may return to God. But that doesn't mean we just continue on in sin right?

Quiet contemplation - the holy fool?

Had a conversation with my brother yesterday. He quoted me this, that Thomas Aquinas – the great Middle Age philosopher turned theologian - once, as a child, was teased by his friends. They told him – “look! A flying cow!” and he promptly went up to look, although he was Thomas Aquinas and clearly no fool. But then, he said “I’d rather believe in flying cows than that my friends would lie to me.” I replied to my brother “Is that not a holy fool?” – as in the case of that Russian novel the Brothers Kamarazov. Apparently Aloysha was a realist, he replied. Have to find out what that is.

My brother is the clearest example to what it means to be “wise as serpents, yet harmless as doves.” In school, he does projects for everyone and invites them to put their own name. “At least I can do whatever I want and nobody is able to disrupt my ideas”. True. He does however, add that when there is a group member who does want to contribute they usually get quite upset that he insists on doing things his own way. Mind you, my brother is not ‘blur’, hardly in fact, for he is a great thinker and mathematician.

Maybe he is blur about the realities of the world, for watching your back and being careful against people who take advantage of you. “Zhan Pian Yi” as it is said in Mandarin. But it seems not, for he knows when something is not meant to be his job, when people just pass it on to him to do not out of mistake, but convenience. But he just keeps saying – “Nevermind, I just do it. Its okay.” A fool? Or love thy neighbour? Clearly he understands what meekness is and Christ truly lives in him. And I stand guilty because I bear witness to one such person and he withstood my attempts to tempt him. I said “but what if at some point you have to make a choice? Either you do your work or you pick up the slack for others?” But he refused to be shaken. And then I asked him “But what if your being taken advantage of will affect others who are dependent on you?” No wonder when Christ came He said that we must abandon everything in this world. Everything. How can we bear to abandon everything? Even those who depend on us? Who take care of us? How???

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
- Matthew 10:34-39

And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.
- Matthew 12:49-50

As for us who stand truly convicted, may God help us.

Monday, December 27, 2004


Our Father in heaven, whom I know is all powerful and in control of this entire universe, what ails my uncertain heart?

God forbid that I doubt my tongue which confesses that Christ is the Lord. I do not doubt that Christ is the Lord indeed, for I thank God that He has called me and I cannot but follow His Will. No longer does a return to the darkness that I once engulfed myself in hold any temptation for me, although daily I feel such a great unnerving – I see the iniquities that I store up against myself, the desires and runaway thoughts that my fallen self wants to indulge in. It is not some form of Jekyll and Hyde split personality thing, for both Jekyll and Hyde are but conflicting personalities of the same human consciousness, both at the same time suppressing and yet indulging in their wanton passions and desires. In the end, they are still both about themselves.

Alas, I cannot do what I will, and do what I will not. Our wretched soul indeed, would pain and mourn for antiquity, for our sins separate us from our perfect and just Creator to whom we long to return, if not for the hope that is in Christ. That while we continue to wait upon our eventual return away from the domain of the fallen world we are taught to hold on to the promise that is Christ although time and again, we have proven ourselves unworthy. How beyond comprehension is His mercy!

We cannot but help ourselves when we transgress in this world, which is of flesh. I hesitate that my brothers might accuse me that “cannot but help” is an excuse to continue in sin, but as Paul exhorts us, we ought to cling onto the hope and be thankful for God’s grace, for truly, if we be thankful for God’s grace and realize how much we really are transgressing (not by cloaking up our behavior that we know to be transgresses in vain reasoning or denial – for indeed, the longer we continue in such a state of vain excuses, the deeper we return back to the seductive darkness of this world), we would not want to sin any more.

Be clear now that I use the word would not “want” to sin. I encourage all of us, to really look at our lives and confess in our conscience before God the multitudes of iniquity that we commit! We be shamed and rendered unworthy when we open up our eyes to the condition of the flesh that plagues our souls, if not for the unfathomable grace of God who yet in spite of our wickedness hath paid the price for us so that we may be justified before Him and be able to be reconciled with God. (Romans 6)

And only upon realization of what transgressions we still live in, will we handle this great gift of salvation that we do not deserve with fear and trembling. For, if anything, the primacy of Christ-likeness is acknowledgement of the perfection of God, in contrast to our fallen nature. But I need to pause here, because the imperfection of my language by which I express this understanding may seem to imply a cause-effect or sequential turn of events, as though it were a formula or steps to follow. If there were any steps to follow, it would be “seek first the kingdom of God”, and the 2 basic commandments – love God, similar to seeking it in this dark temporality that we dwell in, and love thy neighbor, something clearly from Christ Himself, and not bounded in time-spatial order. Interestingly, I have been reading a little bit of Augustine’s work regarding this. He basically writes in Christian Doctrine: The beginning of all exegesis is love of God and love of neighbor.

Judging others

To continue on from this, we are told not to judge others, I believe, which to judge others to see whether their action is led of God or themselves. For only God alone knows the hearts of men. For us, we only see the actions of people, and we can only guess or infer the intention behind them. But then, how is it that we shrink with repulse when seeing certain actions or approve with gladness others? Surely we are capable to some extent?

We as fallen beings are born into this world in a context and our judgment will always be imperfect due to factors such as culture, upbringing, education, current public opinion as well as the status quo. In fact, these factors cloud us always, even when we judge ourselves according to the whim of our flesh (the above factors), and in turn affects every judgment we could possibly make. Of that we are only totally helpless except when we truly seek God It is clear then that judgment is to be left to God, apart from but not just for the fact that we are unable to, but because God is our Sovereign and we are His creation.

Therefore be slow to wrath, and love God and love thy neighbor. Judge not and ye shall not be judged. I think the hardest of these transgressions to even realize, let alone repent, for some people including me, is the removal of traditional or cultural mindsets. We are told to be prepared for the ‘renewal of our mind’.

Christ’s teachings are clearly what we should strive to follow. What doctrine or instruction we are taught we must study it, search the scriptures and understand it in its fullness. With regards to whether every Christian is supposed to be doing this I can merely quote scripture – all are parts of the whole body of Christ, to which there are deacons, preachers, evangelists, teachers etc etc.

When some things that Christ teaches us conflicts with our culture/mindset/sinful desires/pride, we

Will ourselves to stop doing it with true obedience for the sake of Christ.
Will ourselves to stop doing it because it is a rule we have to follow grudgingly
Ignore it in the name of culture and will to continue.
Ignore it and continue without thinking about it. (denial)
Quote some scripture (out of context) to justify it.
And many other kinds of responses that do not fit into 1.

As you could guess only God knows which decision we made in our hearts.

Now things do not happen in an instant of course, but it should not be an excuse and we need to be mindful of ourselves in case we fall into number 4. True repentance is knowing that we have transgressed and wanting to overcome our sin, one by one, bit by bit.

By the above confession I point an accusing finger at myself once again. But short of being a self-punisher (who thinks he can absolve his sin by his own effort – what was the term? Fallengations?), instead take glory in Christ and labor to overcome sin by focusing our unrelenting gaze on Jesus, and ignore the accusations of Satan that tempt us to flee away from the salvation that is promised us though we be so undeserving. That’s why it is through God’s mercy that we become more Christ-like.

Repent, absolve for the sake of obedience to Christ, not to do it again. Sins done in the spur of the moment are not excusable, it only meant that it was your sinful nature (pride/lust etc and most importantly, pretending you do not sin[in some senses pride]) rather than Christ whom you were serving. Remember from Romans 6! And if you dare cheat yourself by saying that you are saved through the blood of Christ but do not repent then Christ does not live in you. Push away your pride and return to Him humbly! When the law written in your heart convicts you about something, you cannot plead ignorance.

Indeed, many of our faithful brethren of times past know that they, who confess in their hearts that Christ is Lord, despite all the sins and transgressions they committed and the imperfections of their weak flesh, still hold the promise that is in Christ of returning to God in everlasting life. How thankful and joyous His mercy is!

How hard I pray that we all, in our hearts, want to love God and keep his Word always while we wait for Christ’s second coming! Amen!

Threw in the towel

Hi folks, after some half-hearted attempts at starting a website, I have concluded I am too lazy. This blog thing is just too tempting. "Push button publishing" really throws everything else to the wind haha. Its not going to be a event log or something, I don't have the habit of remembering what happens to me, which is not much anyway. Rather, what I'll occasionally do is post certain thoughts and writings which are strictly my own in my own capacity as an amaetur and an individual, and not representative of anything. I welcome replies and feedback as I have faith in open communication as a bridge between people. Its quite different from writing letters to the press, for a journalism student I know that what gets published goes through an elaborate filter.