Monday, February 28, 2005

where do I begin?

The holiday week has passed... where shall I begin?

Had bday lunch wif ol' Vanz today. Great. The simple life indeed. Thankful ought we to be. He's getting his A's results soon... I'm sure he'll do well.

'O's are out tomoro. That explains why there were so many people at the temples near SimLim. We had a hunch it was much more crowded than usual... Tonnes of people praying and putting sticks non-stop...

Yesterday had 1st JC friends outing for me in a long time now. Ninger is still the same. May has some facial changes and a fringe. Oh yes, and we got to know 2 of her friends too. Toh is... well.. trying hard to be an Ah-beng but failed miserably. Saw some of the Chron staff too.

Before that I spent 4 hours on a photo hunt for assignment. Walked from Chinatown, along River Valley Rd all the way to Orchard Rd. I dare say I've taken quite a few good ones, but there was 1 that I'm really pleased with. Fits my theme nicely.

During the late supper with Ninger, Toh and pok there was the usual lamenting and job salary talking. Material-aspirants versus idealists. And interestingly enuff someone asked how does it feel to be dead. Have you ever considered how it is to be dead? How it would feel like when you're being buried/cremated?

Someone said it'll probably feel terrible as you're being burnt. But I told them death is like sleep, only difference that you know it was just sleep when you wake up. So losing consciousness is death unless you regain consciousness after that. Quite straightforward eh?

But death also means physical departure from our bodies. And though we lose consciousness when we die (ie: eternal sleep) but in a flash will come Judgement Day indeed, when our consciences will be brought to trial to answer for our failings. And after that, eternal damnation in Hell or eternal rejoicing in Heaven depending on our decision to follow Christ while physically alive.

And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: - Hebrews 9:27

So based on the 2 paragraphs above, we don't simply lose consciousness forever when we die. Like as in vanishing into nothing, as if we never existed. Try as you may like, as many scientists have, human consciousness is not equivalent with the brain, the heart, or the senses, or any combination of those. Frankenstein? Sci-Fi. AI? it could potentially be as destructive as real humans if configured so, but they will never have a consciousness like a human being.

So after the physical death, is either eternal rejoicing or eternal suffering. Our hope in Christ that we may seek the former.

Do you believe in the afterlife? Or you don't care about what you can't be sure of?

Is the current state of the human mind such that we only believe what we can see? That we don't care about the afterlife?

That is secularism - being trapped "in time".

What point is there of living, if the reason for living is to die?

Several paths for you to take from here:

1. I'm having fun experiences, doing things, chasing goals. Life is all about having experiences.
2. We can never find out, so let's just continue on with 1.
3. I'm too busy doing 1. now, so let me think about it when I'm older.
4. I don't want to think about it. It gets in my way of doing 1.
5. Surrender your present life to Christ, who will see you through now and for the eternal life that is promised

and you will realise what it means to have a hope from beyond this world.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:30


Saturday, February 19, 2005

Social commentary


I get peeved sometimes when our CS lecturers and some other educationists chide us for not daring to speak up, not participating in class and so on. They like to point out how spoon-fed we are and that we expect everything to be done for us. To be fair, many of our lecturers are really understanding – “I know its 9am in the morning” or “Looks like you’re not sufficiently warmed up yet” and I admire their dedication in that they constantly try to engage and encourage us in spite of our ‘golden mouth’ syndrome. In this they labour day in day out.

It’s now unpopular to attribute it to a cultural thing – that speaking up to a person of a higher stature is rude. Personally I think that the right to speak up should be exercised appropriately and in a respectable manner – not something we should take for granted. And unfortunately, it’s not simply about saying what you feel, but doing so with the temperance that takes into account everyone else around you, including the lecturer you are addressing. In intellectual discourse there is no excuse for insensitive language or crude mannerism.

Now we are all ordered – to speak our minds, never mind if it’s the wrong answer. But herein lies the stumbling block. Our concern here is primarily about getting the ‘right’ answer. No matter how much the lecturer tries to convince the student that the wrong answer doesn’t matter the truth is, that’s what’s at the back of the student’s head. It’s not as much about as being afraid to try and make mistakes but more about the over-emphasis on getting things right.

Typical student culture is about getting things right. Of course, that’s where the grades are. It’s where the results lie. Now, to balance my point, of course it’s important to get things right, that’s an indicator that we’ve learnt something. But education, especially at these higher levels, does not have an end result which wants us to get everything right. It’s to cultivate the thinking process. University education is an experience, (and I don’t just mean having fun in hostel life). The only real way to encourage people thinking is to put them through experiences of thinking through, slugging it out on their own in the directions that their field of study so dictates.

I’m not saying every student has to rediscover Newton’s Laws of Gravity all over again. Only he can hold that honour. But point being, if we are to really fully understand and appreciate it, we’d have to study it in such detail that would amount to our own personal discovery of it. Not just a set of rules that we can apply and watch.

It’s like for example, when we learn some facts about a particular country. Fair enough, we know sufficient facts to form an image in our heads. But our knowledge of the country is nothing unless we one day visit the place itself and see the land, culture, people. And I mean in a real immersive sense, not just visiting the popular tourist sites or activities “Amazing Race”-style. Only then will we actually discover more of it for ourselves.

So why do students obsess with getting things right, such that it hinders the thinking that we are trying to cultivate? My take: it’s in our society.

It used to be, no degree no well-paying job. Now it’s no 1st-class honours no well-paying job. I don’t dare to suggest that all students are obsessed with high-paying jobs, it’s just that our value system of fostering healthy competition is getting excessively overblown. And all around, from all sectors of society, students grow up with this innate pressure that ingrains our result-oriented mindset. (Here “result” meaning a tangible, usable outcome.)

So here’s the point: there’s no pragmatic value in speaking up during class. Just cut to the chase and deliver the answer already. The expectation is reciprocal.

There have been educational reforms. Good-intentioned attempts like the SAT system and the new CCA requirements were however, symptom treatments defeated by our own mindsets, which is the root cause.

What hope do we have? The first step is always the most painful. The national obsession with competition and results has to be checked. There is an agenda behind why this attitude is continually drummed into our daily conversations. From which part of the country could such a shift in our societal mindset begin? It’s your call and mine.


with you

For once, my computer did not display the HARDDISK FAILURE IMMINENT message... how pleased I am...

Not pleased with however, is how I have this pimple on my nose. Feels so irritating! Don't dare to go near it. Feels as though my nose is being held hostage. "Don't touch me or else...I'll spread all over your face and cause terrible terrible anguish"

Then again, it does indicate something - that the previous outbreak about 2 weeks back had nothing to do with this pore cleaning wash I had been trying out because I haven't been using it since and yet I've got the outbreak again. Wonder what's the matter with my face.

I still feel full. Had this great dinner with ol' Vanz at the Meridian Hotel Foodcourt. The Korean BBQ place. Their sweet and sour soups are GREAT! Vanz had this fish fillet stuff that was really a lot of fish for the money...

Before that there had been quite a downpour. Welcome relief from the bush fires. And a free wash for my car back at home. All this while I was engrossed in a car magazine at Borders.

Top Gear... a BBC magazine... good quality stuff. Now that's real stuff written by petrol heads WITH journalistic training. They've got worthwhile opinion articles, amusing puns on celebrity motor-industry people and cars that only a die-hard will appreciate, and serious reviews. And with an inquisitive realism that is searching, a style that is not afraid to air their views and yet at the same time profoundly engaging and open-minded.

And then theres the local car mags... oh well... their realism is that they usually review cars that will ever sell in Singapore... the either really cheap or really ego-enhancing. They've got their own comment articles too. Unfortunately, what I can't stand is how most of their reviews read like the promotional brochure you'd get from the showroom. Just listing and emphasizing the new bangs and whistles they probably got in the press kit. As if a car was just the sum of its parts.

As you would have guessed, I finally left the car at home today. Will try to do that at least once a week. I know you guys will shoot me, but it's actually very liberating! I get to read on the train. Don't have to stare at the road and watch out for people. It's like trading half an hour of intense focus and interaction with other eccentric high speed elements on tarmac for one hour of absorption into the reality of a Russian author's consciousness.

But on the way from school to Orchard I was actually falling asleep (!) Not being at the wheel typically frees me to fulfill one of my innermost desires... haha

I've just described some of the events of my day in a non-linear fashion. How was yours?

with Prof Benj

It's really interesting how things seem to come together, which is a privilege only people who study breadth rather than depth get... did somebody sneer "jack of all trades"?

Social engineering... social conditioning... scary airy fairy terms? Well the reality is that there is some truth in it. Of course, even tribals are subject to these things as well. It's just that what studying these phenomena helps us realise that we ourselves or not as 'free' or 'independent' as we like to think ourselves - yes, us 'modern' people too. We're just as conditioned as those medievals that we like to laugh at. And since it's something we grow up with we don't see it... we just think our outlook and mindset is normal, because we already are conditioned.

with JR

Had conversation with JR over lunch. Told him about the Russian author I was reading, and the knicks and knacks of reading a translated book. Then he talked about this Bohemian author he appreciates very much. And the painful realisms of modern pragmatic expression. JR has this amazing stance of objectivity which is such a gift. Kinda like the person to go to when there are conflicting interests. Very accomodating and seriously able to see both sides of the coin in that essence.

with JR and Jan

This one was over lunch too. It was back to that classic about the usefulness of human behaviour research (aka social science). I have had irreversible damage done to me by my brother. How believable is social science? Is it worthwhile? Or placating the human weakness for answers. We all agreed that overdependence and manipulation on 'answers' given by social science is dangerous. But that's the way the world is. And the powers that be will gladly use whatever advances their vested agenda. Do we really need to be facilitating them with such fodder? Its the 'free world's propaganda'... wholesale belief in ideas that aren't exactly true. Either that or shuffling from one 'fact' to another.

with Tiff

Have had several early morning breakfast conversations with her by now. It's the car owners' club haha. Most recent one was the one about V-day. Some insights into her mindset and her beliefs on several things. We have similar outlooks on the important issues in life.

That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. - Romans 15:6

Talked about some of our life situations and peeves.

with Winson

Started off on a similar note about V-day. V-day pressures. Continued on to the tsunami. And I ended up telling him of my Calvinistic doctines. The absolute power of God in all things that happen. Omnipotent. After all, if we say that God is selectively accurate about what He claims to be, don't we make Him a liar?

It sounds crude, but basically we still are, 'free', but not in the independent sense.

with brother

The intellectual high of my week. The role of hard science in human life. Science is amoral. But why pursued relentlessly? Am I Thomas Malthus?

I agree science has great potential to solve lots of problems.

"But science was not meant to solve the problem of good and evil."

He blames it on the distribution and application of it, science itself is neutral.

It's not science's fault that Africa still starves. It's politics. After all those centuries of triumphant progress in science, we're still the same. The poor are still with us.

Why can't we just meet the problem straight on rather than go in one big circle pretending its a matter of technological advancement?

We can't. It's the collective fallen human nature. Life on earth was never meant to be fair. Only just. Science is the physical version of the opiate of the masses.

with other brother

Why are you doing your homework in front of that dumb 9pm TCS 8 drama serial again? Why did you leave the computer on while watching TV?

*Stuffs bread spread with some red thing in it into my mouth*

The strawberry jam you made in school as part of your homework tastes like... strawberry. Almost. No thanks. Too healthy for me.

*Promptly strangles me*
For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother. - Mark 3:35


Wednesday, February 16, 2005

What we call human nature is really human habit

i honestly think ys is wonderwoman. So busy all the time, tonnes of stuff to do, and always busy. That is assuming that that is a desireable trait or situation to be in all the time.

At least you're too busy to wonder if you're slacking off... or so it seems.

It seems that work is the best way to keep a person content. We've heard so many times of people who feel life is meaningless or get disoriented when they retire. Guess that's great news for the government.

In another paradigm I would have probably died of guilt by now... I can't really remember what my work life has been about if defined in terms of what I 'did'...

It's just feelings like... the experience of having gone through this... went through that... and all that... and its weird the things I subconsciously choose to internalise and can recall like the back of my hand... and I can tell I like history very much...

And sometimes my thoughts go back to... what am I really doing in CS? No doubt I do enjoy the exposure to the great breadth that we've had these 2 years so far... Just have to be patient I guess... there are bigger things to concern myself with.

Sometimes I wrongly feel insecure. What possible mark could I ever leave in the world? I don't even do anything!! But its rather ridiculous to be thinking like this. I'm not that anxious to prove myself or stake a claim in the world or something

There's no point being worried about such things I believe. Things on this earth are doomed to return to dust - and there is only thing that really counts in the end - that we see our vulnerability and fallen nature and not to fall in love with this world and ourselves.

It's hard but I know God hears us who bring our fears to Him. It is indeed so paradoxical to be still living in this world, being subject to all the fallings and temptations and worldly concerns that surround us all the time.

Against the standard of perfection that is Christ the more I look the more foul I am. Indeed, the greatest thing we need to be careful of in this world is really our own fallen self. Its so easy to lose your temper, so automatic and human nature to react to things in a self-interested way. I know because I tried to go it on my own. Things that were convenient I could stop. But inwardly things I couldn't give up I explained away or excused myself.

(by the way, I have the old Jewel album which says on the cover "What we call human nature is really human habit")

And I stop to think. How many actions that we know inwardly are selfish do we just excuse as human nature?

What kind of work is truly meaningful? The law of pragmatics that prevails in everyone's head makes such a question irrelevant. Even for us who still want to be idealistic... so how is it really meaningful in the end? That assumes you have already known what lies at the end...

but I remember Lydia did say, there's no such thing as a separation between the secular and religious life. And praise be to God, I know what she means. Dying daily to the cross. Just a simple phrase.

How I want to live like that, with eyes fixated on Christ that I need not worry about or dwell on anything else here anymore. Like my friends, my parents, my deeds, the church and so on. Sometimes I do think too much on these things - and I do feel sad - but in the end, they don't ultimately matter that much. And I'm glad Christ pulled me through.

It takes wisdom indeed, to know what we ought to do, when to do it, and when to stop and leave it to God. And in the name and guidance of Christ the concerns ought always to be regards others first - to truly wish them sincere wellness. That is charity and love.

Do pray this with me in our hearts:

Lord carry us through this life here, for we know you will never forsake us. Comfort us when we don't understand your Will and keep us on the straight and narrow. We see perfection in your light everyday, and find ourselves wanting still. Forgive us when we dwell too much on the things regarding this world. By your Holy Spirit help us to die daily for the love of Christ, to walk with you in that manner which is pleasing in your sight. Keep us safe while we wait patiently to be called back home.


Saturday, February 12, 2005

have fallen sick. Sore throat with a stuck nose and tonnes of mucus moving around from the nose to the throat. Anywhere but out. No gross Sam pics though.

Must have either gotten it from my brother or that stupid packet of potato chip that I attacked for no apparent reason. Or the chocolate bars I've been eating for lunch... (but hey's that's like once every 4 days...)

Its a blessing that this happens only AFTER we finish the shooting for 229... which was a great and efficient session by the way. Alexis's camera idea was brilliant. The sun got in the way though, by 11am it was too powerful the calibration resulted in about 8200k light instead of the typical 6200k! We got lazy of using glynn's cute slate board and started yelling out the takes.

We were viewing the rushes... looked great! And had consistent sound too (kinda soft though).


Actually, its not a dream car, but a car I would realistically want to own! Its a Honda Integra GSR. Yes, no naughty Type-R for me... that would be too troublesome!

No. 1 - I don't like any type of ah-beng spoiler at the back...
No. 2 - I appreciate the 5-spd automatic transmission... smooth and yet fuel and acceleration efficient... great for city crusing!
No. 3 - I like the rear end view and styling... beautiful... wish it had slimmer headlights though

1998 cc inline 4 engine. 160bhp. 2-door coupe configuration. I'll definately need the sunroof option. And the electric folding mirrors. 5-speed automatic. Leather seats. Windows tinted to 70/20 light transmission. Extra-wide rearview mirror. Rear wiper.

Ah... a nice comfortable cruising coupe. Great for city driving. Who cares about the people free-riding in the cramped back seats? The boot is a lift-back too.

90,000 bucks. Now I think that's how much my Nissan Sunny cost brand new back in 1999. Who would want a Sunny when you could get this gorgeous......... *ramble*. And don't forget, yesterday's money is worth more today!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Lunar New Year and Constantine

Feel bad. Have been indulging in too much excesses. Overeating. That exceedingly bloated feeling has finally left me after a span of 36 hours. And other things as well.

Kept waking up in the middle of the night recently. Scratching around non-stop. Or maybe sleeping on an exceedingly full stomach is extremely uncomfortable.

Sin. Temptation. These are things very real.

Sat down with cousins to chat. Usual stuff. V-day pressures. Girls. Army life. School.

Got a lecture from my dearest Uncle at reunion dinner about the harsh facts of life. Work for a while, gain some experience - but go into sales. He speaks from a long life of working experience. Being a sales person is the only way to security. Either that or be a top scientist. The only 2 ways to survive.

That's what my dad told me too.

And I told Uncle about being a journalist and being in media and what I thought I'd do. And he repeated himself again. My dear uncle. He hath all our interests at heart.


Watched that Keanu movie yesterday with ol' Vanz. He was late rushing last minute as usual.

Its an unfortunately shallow movie for something of religious subject matter. The only little hint of in-depth character struggle is Constantine being unable to make sense of why he had a second chance to live, but that had little development.

"God has a purpose." For everyone, not just those who can see demons.

Throughout the movie I get a feeling of the whole sense of human helplessness in the scheme of things. The book of Job comes to mind, of how we are mere conduits of a wager between God and Satan.

Some things Constantine says are consistent, of how we are born fallen. For dramatisation purposes the demons do actually cross over from hell, which is why there is a need for exorcism, holy water, relics, psychics and all that stuff.

Something very dangerously misleading in the movie is that concept of balance, as suggested by the black guy in charge of the Satanic bar. He claims to be neutral and merely maintaining the 'balance'.

As if God didn't own everything in the universe.

This is a concept that is something like 'ying' and 'yang' inaccurately and dangerously weaved into our metaphysical understanding of the universe according to the doctrines of Christianity.

There is constant battle on earth no doubt, but unlike the Constantine story plot which is bounded in time and allows for a possibility for evil to triumph the battle in reality is already won, and not by ourselves.

Oh yes, and I'm sure most people got the salvation by faith and not through works part figured out quite early, with Constantine demanding that he had bought himself back to heaven with the demons he has sent back to hell.

I am still trying to figure out what Gabriel was supposed to mean in the show, and she's either comic relief or a satirical poke at the formal religious establishment's authority.

The movie could have done better with deeper insights into Constantine's struggle but hey, fighting demons with relics makes for more popular appeal.

An overall superficially and inwardly inaccurate portrayal of what Christianity is about for the most part, with little in depth exploration of issues and hardly any questions or thoughts provoked.

On the whole, typical Hollywood mass-produced fodder.

Monday, February 07, 2005

On relationship.

Thankful and greatful I am.

Had a long day but yipee!

Spent the weekend out with my mom and aunts. The usual blahblah shopping etcetc.

Went running this morning its been like 2 weeks. Feels very xiong. WF when's your next round I need some encouragment!

216 is so cool we see so many videos and they're actually meaningful, be it communists in USSR, or South-East Asian nationalism. Sometimes I just get this strange feeling during Dr Kluver's tutorial though. It's like, so dense, by which I mean his framework of thought.

Already I hear some of the classic V-day blues coming from some people. Haha. Being attached is a blessing and most certainly a state I won't mind being in, but not that it's something I'd go about fighting and seeking anxiously for. In the sense not that I won't feel like a 'complete' person if I don't ever get attached, but rather that if it were fated so by circumstances, situations (being in the right place, right time right situation etcetc) then two people would meet and get attached.

You know how couples like to get together and talk about how impossible it seemed that they would meet, but they do! So many factors are involved, I'm pretty sure God has His hand in all this!

Now I seem like someone resigned to fate, or like those who just sit there and wait for things to happen. Well, my belief is that for things like your significant other with whom you will be one in the flesh with and can never part except in death, there's no forcing things.

Now, picking and choosing your life partner is a curious thing too. Most of the time by which we base our criteria on are still subjective elements (all the more so in a world through rose-tinted glasses) and emotional feelings and highs might cloud us.

I'm not saying that these elements don't matter. They sure do! It's just that we can't go about like this in a very conscious manner thinking of the criteria and so on. Don't forget a person's qualities doesn't stay the same always! It's especially problematic when you're under peer pressure to get attached.

But then, when things happen they will just happen. Enjoy the emotional rush. But for Christians, remember to keep clear in both your consciences the meaning of being of 1 body and 'till death do us part' and know that the other person understands it as the same.

A relationship built on shaky ground cannot be fulfilling or lived out to what it was meant to be.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Nothing in this world is certain. But its great to have another mortal being while on this earth to be one with you through everthing, both souls trusting in the Lord, till such time we be called back home.

So great a blessing a relationship avowed before God is!

For those who have found their other half may you folks stay together in body and spirit always

For those who remain unattached - be merry but at the same time without putting down those who are (I really dislike pros & cons discussions on these things - so super subjective)

of course, some people just suppress themselves all the times and in all areas by drowning themselves in other pursuits - work, studies, CCAs, whatever, all those politically correct things to be overdoing.

Ring a bell?

God keep us always.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

crash boom bang

hmm. Saw funny things at the carpark today.

Was filming at the carpark outside hall 7's front porch and witness really hilarious incidents.

Seems like theres a particular parking space that's extremely popular because it has some shade thanks to a tree directly above it. But the thing is, its next to the curb.

So within a span of 1 hour I see 2 cars that parked there and drove off mounting and getting stuck over the curb.

Theres this cool looking new Subaru Legacy plain vanilla version. Guy wearing sunglasses. Cool looking. When he parks into the lot he positions himself like, super close to the curb already. Nevermind. Then when he gets excited and leaves its like he turns left even before leaving the space, and mounts and climbs halfway over the curb on the grass patch with this squeaky sound that disrupts our filming. We all keep staring at him in amusement. Its like his poor car is half immobilzed and impaled across the curb and hanging there.

"Darn. Should have bought the all-wheel-drive version. Then I could pretend I did it on purpose."

After he painfully backs up his car with more heart-wrenching sounds he drives off past us, still looking quite cool in his sunglasses till I want to burst out laughing.

Then within half an hour another guy, this time an old man, parks there too in his Ford Laser. He spies his tennis buddy coming out from the building and gets excited and mounts the curb as well. His is much worse he kind of half climbs totally such that his car looks like its travelling sideways along the slope. More painful crunching sounds. Amusing.

Well it does take a lot of accelerator stomping to mount a curb. (That's why you fail when you do it while on test - you're too heavy footed for your own good)

For the record I struck the curb during my test - wanted to go really really deep into the parking space.

And yes I have hit the curb before but typically at low speed. Its just not right to drive fast in parking lots.

I once almost got ploughed down by this Lexus that was speeding down a straight in Suntec underground carpark. And he stared at me with a 'get out of my way' look and proceeded to drive round and round furiously with tyres screeching looking for a parking space. By the time I found mine he was still going round and round...

Friday, February 04, 2005

for common decency

Which issue should I start with?

Ah yes, division selection. Currently its between Journalism and Communication Research. The others though enjoyable are unfortunately write-offs: to me PPC is the dark side though highly realistic and pragmatic and EBM is, well, trade-based, though I would enjoy it very much.

Students of media are not just supposed to be trained in the craft. They are producers of information for the masses, they need to have very strong ethic senses. All the skills in the world are useless if you think like Adolf Hitler. He was a great manipulator, orator, politician but no morals.

At least, that is my ideal. Pragmatism rules the roost nowadays.

211: What do you want to be when you grow up? (it's an anthropological test of societal complexity)

ANS: Whatever gives me the best job and income prospects.

Pragmatism 101.

Well, pretty much any job in Singapore will provide enough for you to eat actually, if you can be so content with just that.

I would think the most idealistic people around would have been those who, having come from elite, privileged classes of old who upset the old order knowing that it would undermine their own well-being.

Infantile you say?

Perhaps. Well such people believed greatly in the welfare of their countrymen, and it ached their hearts to see them suffering unfairly in the present order of things.

But how suited am I to a career in the journalistic field? (Not that choosing that division automatically means such a career path)


There are far too many things which I deem too petty to be of newsworthiness.

I terribly dislike sensationalism and think it lowly and unbecoming.

I respect certain types of personalities and disdain others.

I can never be called upon to support a point which I personally do not believe in.

(During debating I was relegated to being a spare because I refused to argue for certain notions. Inflexible? I want to think of it as not being a chameleon - form is nothing without substance - you're a human being and you must stand for something, role playing can only go so far)

Am I intellectually haughty? A snob? Yes.

Want to contribute anything worthwhile to this world? Nothing else other than to reawaken its conscience.

Really? Or am I saying it to appease myself?

Gotta run now. Don't do anything rash in the meanwhile.

God bless

Thursday, February 03, 2005

And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.

Oh no. I am being a liability when I drive without the aircon. What's been going on these few days? Has it been hotter than usual? Lack of sleep? Too much sleep? Or what? How to maintain a level of zen on the roads?

Maybe I should just stay off the fast lane. 110kph n ppl still tailgate you. There's just too many ppl in a hurry. Singapore is too crowded and in too much of a hurry.

Keep a following distance of 3 car lengths at 110kph and ppl cut u from behind just to squeeze into that gap and then they have to start braking because they got too close to the next car in front, setting off a chain reaction of braking.

Maybe their logic is to intimidate ppl into going faster so if one person doesn't tailgate and intimidate the car in front to go faster then everyone would slow down and waste their time.

And we all know that tailgating ppl up a slope on the expressway is a sure way of causing cascade braking which finally ends at a 0kph stop situation at the bottom of the slope, don't we?

This morning the journey to school was so much better. Sunshine. Aircon on. And at several sections of the highway there were actually leaves rustling and blowing across, as if to blanket me and my car. How beautiful. Or maybe it was because traffic wasn't heavy.

The more ppl the uglier it gets. 1 person is a little dumb. Put 1 whole bunch in a confined space and all goes mad. And yes that goes for me too.

I think I'd better revert to my old criteria for typical daytime driving needing aircon. Aircon is really different from say like, windows down. Although the wind is blowing its still dry, hot and irritating somehow. Like standing next to an aircon compressor. Oh but when the aircon is on... wah its really powerful and cooling. What a blessing.

Okay, aircon for daylight times except early dawn. Interior probably developing a thick layer of dust by now anyway. Being a biker must be really really tough...

Dad flew off today. Saw him off at the airport. Feels strange.

School was extremely eye opening today. The new world economy of individualism and consumerism for 211.

216 was fantastic. Indonesian and Vietnamese nationalism. But still produced pretty much from a Western perspective. What a challenge it must have been, to live in those times past. In our modern time, the enemy that we deal with is unseen. It is that delusive pride in mankind.

Dr. Benjamin suggested a hypothesis that marriage is a form of patriarchy that is designed to keep men relevant. Well, it seems logical if you compare humans with animals like elephants and so on. But why do we always have to start with animals as a basis of comparison? With that all would be permissable so why would we need to have any values? Hmm... not that ppl bother so much about it anymore anyway.

Granted, people have always behaved like scum throughout history. That is this world. But at least in the past it was with this overriding guilt that we knew how we should have behaved. That ideal was at least there. Well, now ppl just find the ideals irrelevant altogether. Being led and driven by what they want, what they feel, wanting to see results quickly.

Why are we put on earth to go through such futility? So that we'll appreciate heaven, of course.

God keep us.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


Thought I'd have a free day tomorrow, but then I forgot all about the division selection talk... all the way to school for half an hour... but nevermind, this week is special, had free petrol from my dad. So allow me the luxury of driving to school for the entire week too (heehee).

Woke up at about 4am. Had too much at dinner last night at chomp chomp with all the 5 of us family members plus Aunt Janet. Felt bloated and couldn't sleep but did in the end. Now I've just woken up. Yay!

I was happy to see my dad reconciled with his dad last night. Well it did sound really awkward they haven't seen each other for years and they definately did sound like it was really difficult to talk each other.

In spite of whatever may have happened in the past my granddad is an old man after all, so why should we continue to avoid contact in petty unhappiness?

As usual my dad was talking big the entire evening and my mom was making noise at him and countering him and all that. I was glad to be just driving.

I'm very thankful indeed. After all, my dad is an old man too (relative to me) and I know that eventually all things will come to pass for the eventual good.

By the way, the car was less than gently reminding me last night of how prone it is to overload. With 5 people the braking distanced increased by so much and acceleration suffered terribly. And on the journey back with 6 ppl it got even worse (but by the time it was 6 ppl the acceleration was so lousy braking wasn't an issue - we couldn't even attain enough speed to pose a risk)

Well the car engine is small (1.5) and the suspension is very old (broken). But in such situations you have to be thankful it wasn't a Nissan March.

Thank God and the love of Christ, I'm no longer wondering about in the woods, though this world does tempt me all the time, and at many times I befuddle myself. Light versus darkness. The struggle goes on. But surely, as God hath said, stand back and watch the salvation of the Lord! And may it come to pass that on every moment will we rest and trust on that.

Praise the Lord!

here's food for thought on how the world could have been created in 6 days. A day simply could mean (and there's strong biblical support) the presence of light all the way till the absence of light, NOT 24 hours as we understand it. Hence the millions of years of fossil records are millions of years in 24 hour days, but as far as the bible is concerned, it was only 6 days of periods of continuous light in between darkness. After all, sun was created on the fourth day remember?