Friday night

It's Friday night.

I'm in a happy mood. Have Class 95 playing over the Internet.

Am going to intern in a children's magazine next year.

Still have a presentation, feature article, photo essay to complete for this term.

Strange, this illusion called time.

It seemed like yesterday when I was in my army camp, living day by day and running about doing stupid things.

It seemed like yesterday when I was standing in line on the track outside my BMT barracks at 5.30am, waiting to march off for breakfast, and I stared into the sky as a plane roared past overhead, and I wanted to fly away from that miserable prison of an island.

It seemed like yesterday I passed my driving test, and I was so overjoyed I went back home to my original house, and told everyone I had passed on the first time.

It seemed like yesterday she put her head on my shoulder on the MRT, and I didn't know what to do.

It seemed like yesterday when I would reach VS 20 minutes before school started in order to copy homework.

It seemed like yesteday I would fight with my brother for the front seat in my dad's car.

It seemed like yesterday my dad took us for an MRT ride around Singapore when it first opened.

It seemed like yesterday my grandma would dab cold water over my chest before giving me a bath by scooping water from a red pail and pouring it all over me.

It seemed like yesterday when I went home after school, stopping to buy 10cents ice-sticks.

I could go on and on. Being thankful for the past. And hopeful for eternity. For God has always been there watching me. And the things of this world will not be remembered.

Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble. He cometh forth like a flower, and is cut down: he fleeth also as a shadow, and continueth not. - Job 14:1-2

Do you believe in Hell?

I may have sort of guessed why some people insist they descended from apes, that the existence of life is merely a by-product of a chance chemical reaction that had a probability of 1 in 999999999 gazillion of happening randomly on its own, that they just simply cease to exist and have no eternal self-awareness after they die physically, and that there is no afterlife, eternity, heaven or hell.

Because they are terrified of judgement and being held accountable for their behaviour after they die! Of spending an endless time in the depths of hell burning in agony and pain, from this terrible all-consuming fire of God's angry wrath for the defiant, disobedient and ungrateful. I think people here, even Christians, forget the characteristics of God that are so revealed in the Bible.

No doubt, God is of love for He shows mercy by forgiveness of human transgressions through Christ, but don't forget, God is also just, holy, and perfect, without sin, and abhors even the slightest bit of a taint of imperfection. And He certainly is angry and there is clear description of the terrible hell that awaits damned souls that refuse to submit to Christ's saving grace.

And we like to think hell's a fun place. A joke of ancient myth, of superstition and human invention. Ouch is an understatement.

Because when you get there there's going to be no way out.

If you can't swallow that, then just continue to pretend that you just lose consciousness or self-awareness (for those of you who don't believe you have something called a soul) when your physical body rots, and you just become nothing.

At least this preposterous form of denial sounds better than burning in hell forever.

Lazarus

My lesson starts at 2pm so what am I doing in school at 9am?

1. I plan to go swimming at 11am.
2. I sent my brother to camp. He's booking in to go for Modified BMT recourse.
3. I've been sleeping too much these few days. Approximately 30% of my house area consists of bed / sofa. The rest is just really noisy. And yea, its 100% hot and stuffy.
4. I have the 301 report to finish.
5. I have the Falling Man article to critique
6. I have Photojourn readings to read
7. I have a feature story to mull over
8. I need to blog because I haven't done so for a long time.

The heartbroken realist

What is love but a foolish fleeting glance?

A thing to be enjoyed for as long as it will last?

A magic-carpet ride on foundations all so sparse?

But of faithfulness remaineth when the ecstasy has passed.

I don't usually rant. Is that because I store up all the stuff in my head, so that I may 1 day explode and become mad? No...

It is because some things I have learnt not to dwell on them. Some things I have learnt not to engage in flights of fancy. Some things I have learnt to forgive. Some things I have learnt to regret. And in all things I have learnt to have faith.

Do I get upset, am I unsure, do I feel like whining? Yes. Do I hope for some things to happen? Yes. But ranting only cools you off and then you start building all the steam again. And the permanence of writing is not always a good thing because you recall things you ought to leave behind.

What use have I of it then? Primarily to encourage others (I hope). An insight into human frailities and struggle, in a dark world not yet forsaken by God. That my friends may know the paradox, and yet the greater peace that comes with surrendering your life back to God.

In human eyes, it must have been divine foolishness to forgive horrible people like me - specimens preferred "well done" in hellfire. But that is the nature of God's love which is beyond even the wisest of all human understanding.

Hopefully you'd want to step out of the tossing sea of uncertainty too.

Mercy

My soul teetering on the brink of damnation.

Don’t I always start from zero.

When you’ve lost your way return to the source.

Any object, any stimulant. Don’t dwell on it.

Don’t think it your right either, those wretched theories that distract you from God.

What of direction, aim, purpose. Ignoring the exhortation of brothers.

Are you near yet so far dear Father? Separated by this gulf.

Time is but an illusion to trap the sinful, but it sure is a long time down here.

I abhor myself.

I beg, take away those vile things whose use I desire to contort.

For I am filthy, an abomination. I wax iniquity.

Have continued mercy I pray – your faith is greater than mine own.

I cannot deny your glory.

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it’s a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back.
Oh no, be strong.

U2 – Walk On.

O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.   – Rom 7:24-25