What we call human nature is really human habit

i honestly think ys is wonderwoman. So busy all the time, tonnes of stuff to do, and always busy. That is assuming that that is a desireable trait or situation to be in all the time.

At least you're too busy to wonder if you're slacking off... or so it seems.

It seems that work is the best way to keep a person content. We've heard so many times of people who feel life is meaningless or get disoriented when they retire. Guess that's great news for the government.

In another paradigm I would have probably died of guilt by now... I can't really remember what my work life has been about if defined in terms of what I 'did'...

It's just feelings like... the experience of having gone through this... went through that... and all that... and its weird the things I subconsciously choose to internalise and can recall like the back of my hand... and I can tell I like history very much...

And sometimes my thoughts go back to... what am I really doing in CS? No doubt I do enjoy the exposure to the great breadth that we've had these 2 years so far... Just have to be patient I guess... there are bigger things to concern myself with.

Sometimes I wrongly feel insecure. What possible mark could I ever leave in the world? I don't even do anything!! But its rather ridiculous to be thinking like this. I'm not that anxious to prove myself or stake a claim in the world or something

There's no point being worried about such things I believe. Things on this earth are doomed to return to dust - and there is only thing that really counts in the end - that we see our vulnerability and fallen nature and not to fall in love with this world and ourselves.

It's hard but I know God hears us who bring our fears to Him. It is indeed so paradoxical to be still living in this world, being subject to all the fallings and temptations and worldly concerns that surround us all the time.

Against the standard of perfection that is Christ the more I look the more foul I am. Indeed, the greatest thing we need to be careful of in this world is really our own fallen self. Its so easy to lose your temper, so automatic and human nature to react to things in a self-interested way. I know because I tried to go it on my own. Things that were convenient I could stop. But inwardly things I couldn't give up I explained away or excused myself.

(by the way, I have the old Jewel album which says on the cover "What we call human nature is really human habit")

And I stop to think. How many actions that we know inwardly are selfish do we just excuse as human nature?

What kind of work is truly meaningful? The law of pragmatics that prevails in everyone's head makes such a question irrelevant. Even for us who still want to be idealistic... so how is it really meaningful in the end? That assumes you have already known what lies at the end...

but I remember Lydia did say, there's no such thing as a separation between the secular and religious life. And praise be to God, I know what she means. Dying daily to the cross. Just a simple phrase.

How I want to live like that, with eyes fixated on Christ that I need not worry about or dwell on anything else here anymore. Like my friends, my parents, my deeds, the church and so on. Sometimes I do think too much on these things - and I do feel sad - but in the end, they don't ultimately matter that much. And I'm glad Christ pulled me through.

It takes wisdom indeed, to know what we ought to do, when to do it, and when to stop and leave it to God. And in the name and guidance of Christ the concerns ought always to be regards others first - to truly wish them sincere wellness. That is charity and love.

Do pray this with me in our hearts:

Lord carry us through this life here, for we know you will never forsake us. Comfort us when we don't understand your Will and keep us on the straight and narrow. We see perfection in your light everyday, and find ourselves wanting still. Forgive us when we dwell too much on the things regarding this world. By your Holy Spirit help us to die daily for the love of Christ, to walk with you in that manner which is pleasing in your sight. Keep us safe while we wait patiently to be called back home.

Amen