Fitting in.

Yesterday was my church's "Family games day" which included an afternoon of games and then a BBQ.

I had taken my class 4 heavy vehicle driving test earlier in the morning and failed it by hitting the curb on the way back into the test centre carpark.

Needless to say that made things very miserable and I had to spend most of my afternoon queuing up at BBTC to get another test date. But I guess if my driving is very unsafe then I deserve to have to practise more. Unlearning some of the bad habits is difficult and for long vehicles there are absolutely essential additional safety checks and 'best practices' that need to be adhered to.

I feel asleep after finally reaching home from some driving my mom here and there errands and ended up waking at 7 instead of 6 so by the time I got there the entire event was more or less over. Ruth had actually messaged me at 6 telling me that the food was running out but I guess I was too engrossed in sleeping.

Being late and not having participated in the games it felt sadly awkward to be there but I guess that's the punishment you get. I still feel too old for such like, fun motivational games and all that but hey that's probably just my character you're talking to someone to hates things like school camps and those kinds of things.

Perhaps I'm stuck-up or jaded or whatever. Or maybe its the social environment I don't feel comfortable with. Whatever.

But I want to not just leave it at whatever. Because I somehow feel compelled to at least make an effort to mix around more in church, going for mid-week and all that, and I know it's only natural people stick to their own clique and feel more comfortable to interact amongst themselves. We feel the same way too.

It's hard but sometimes I try my very best to talk to people but sometimes its difficult when you hit a blank wall on the other side or either that it's just polite conversation but then suddenly it's all over and that's it.

Do we really have to adopt the interests, lifestyles and behaviour of others just to fit in? I've never believed in that because I'm very sure Christ accepts every single individual the way he or she is. But to qualify that statement we need to try to talk, and sometimes I feel caught in between the 2 'groups' of people of my age in church. Why is my usher team leader always so skeptical about church things? He always seems to have a rebuttal to the pulpit after every sermon ... not that all preachers preach appropriately or contextualize correctly but such an attitude without paying attention to the essence of what was (or intended) is not healthy.

I'm not trying to play a you-fault-my-fault kind of thing, but with our conviction we need to always want to strive better and not let anyone, especially in our own church, be left behind, like some unwanted child. I feel like that sometimes. It can't be a case of our church being too big I'm sure.

To be honest I've always talked more and felt better accepted by the 'alternative group' in church and I'm thankful for that, but I want to try and interact more. So far with my brother Dom and the guys its been not bad and I also am thankful for that.

Ha - I sound like some really immature adolescent sorely lacking in the PR department... but I don't know - I rarely bother to say anything unless I feel it really matters. I've met too many people in life who are friendly, polite and talk much but then it ends there.

Could I really overcome this issue? I pray for the strength to do so. No the Bible isn't some self-help book on how to improve your social life. In fact, I don't even think its fair to say that we expect all members of a church to behave the same and like the same and do the same things. "To be of one mind in Christ" is not the same as being homogenous robots.

But I believe what the Bible, together with the grace of God and the Holy Spirit's conviction can do, is to see us through and sustain us till the end and in spite of such things. Such is the power of God that the impossible is possible (see how daunted I feel?)

I was about to sign off with a list of people I'd want to say hi to but I'd really hate to have inadvertedly left someone out.

Take care all you! Keep your eyes on the prize!

Here we have no continuing city; but we seek the one to come. - Hebrews 13:14