my dad's back and its great to see him again. Yes and incidentally he's also awake now. As for me, its all thanks to the female mosquitoes infesting the whole place. My brother hogged the fan.
Inspired by those really draggy 211 readings I asked my dad to repeat some of the stories of my ancestral lineage. So it goes one of my grandfather's great great grandfathers was some Qin official. He's not sure if the post was bought or studied though. Home town is an area just off Guangzhou, in Guandong province. "He nan" is the name of this district. Quite fascinating.
Seems like my grandfather's father came here to be in the tobacco business. But the Great Depression came and he returned to being a sinseh. My grandfather and his brothers were goldsmiths. And all the rest of the bragging rights. Well, my grandfather is an old man now. My grandmother's already left this world several years now.
I wonder, when people say old folks experience second childhood its kind of like in more ways than one. It's like the smaller things in life begin to really matter. And the world gets simpler, and you just see how pointless being obsessed with small things really doesn't matter anymore. And all the pursuits and habits that supposedly developed out of necessity for survival weren't really that crucial.
Of course I'm not saying all old folks are like that. Some go all the way to their graves with a lot of haughty pride, the feeling that the world owes them something growing stronger by the day.
Others continue on in their self-righteousness that they nurtured through the years, till they reach the level where the only reason why people forgive their utterly ridiculous behaviour is because they're already so old.
Some start to behave weirdly because they can't figure out what to do when they no longer have to work.
With recent calls to raise the retirement age and so on, I just feel like we're being treated like mere machines. All in the name of productive efficiency.
But all things will come to pass, indeed, and to be able to live to a ripe old age is surely a blessing, though remaining in this world as long as possible is not a priority. I'd rather be home.
Carpark and RC Members
Went with parents for dinner at Swenson's. The whole of Parkway was really crowded. But such is life in an overcrowded city. Queue in cars. Queue outside the restaurant. And so on. But the Salmon and Mushroom Baked rice was great. Enquired more about some Indo-China history from dad. Then he starts on some of his US power theories acting out in Cambodia, but with a little bit of logical analysis from 216, 225 and my brother's arguing skills I manage to break down the topic somewhat. Oh well, my dad is still quite ego really. Not nice to be corrected by his junior. So I try to work out a less jarring circumvent.
As we left the good ol' HDB multi-story carpark next to the new NTUC, there was some silly jam in the entire carpark caused by someone blocked at the exit barrier. You can tell its been happening for quite long when the queue spans several stories and drivers are getting out of their vehicles walking about staring at the perpetrator. As the waiting dragged on very irate people in front of me were like reversing about and driving off to the other exit on the other deck.
I parked near the exit so squeezing into the queue was not a problem and was busy speculating that perhaps some chap had a cashcard with insufficient value so my mom decided to walk to the barrier to offer a spare cashcard. Its a good thing that the new cashcard systems are card independent and depend directly on the IU number.
Lo and behold the barrier opens and all is well. Turns out the woman driver was an RC member and was busy trying to get her 'RC member's free parking disc' to work but the barrier refused to acknowledge it. Then it came to mind how a year ago it was commented that RC members parked in HDB places indiscriminately in loading bays and such and parking attendants didn't fine them but fined non-RC members instead.
Seems like special privileges have gone hi-tech too. And some people never worry about being fined because they as RC members easily appeal against their parking tickets. My mom heard this from her colleauge who's an RC member herself.
Who knows, maybe RC members perform some special functions that is so vital to national security that they have parking rights close to police cars?
It just sounds like a snob club for people with connections that makes a mockery of the law.
are you an RC member? Do clarify with us if any of this is untrue. But don't just speak for yourself. Be honest about your fellow RC members too. At least we'll applaud you for refusing to abuse your 'privileges'.
As for the woman who was responsible for causing the jam that stretched a few stories high, well, the face that launched a thousand ships was female too :)
How MCP.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Saturday, January 29, 2005
lament
Existence on earth. But on a teethering edge.
Fear for self of the unknown, of possibilities.
Sin and guilt at every corner. Plaguing the soul.
I stand self-accussed. I am lowly. Self-serving.
Over affairs of mundane do I condemn my wretched heart.
Torment. Like a sea engulfing the shore.
An uneasy silence. In the eye of the storm.
Bounded and pained by my fallen state.
Justify my fallen self that the choice is right?
What is fair? and what is just?
Let freedom reign, so that men may see their foolish and self-righteous hearts and return to God, bowed and humbled.
The reason of men versus the perfection of Christ. I find myself wanting. Forgive me.
Amen.
Fear for self of the unknown, of possibilities.
Sin and guilt at every corner. Plaguing the soul.
I stand self-accussed. I am lowly. Self-serving.
Over affairs of mundane do I condemn my wretched heart.
Torment. Like a sea engulfing the shore.
An uneasy silence. In the eye of the storm.
Bounded and pained by my fallen state.
Justify my fallen self that the choice is right?
What is fair? and what is just?
Let freedom reign, so that men may see their foolish and self-righteous hearts and return to God, bowed and humbled.
The reason of men versus the perfection of Christ. I find myself wanting. Forgive me.
Amen.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
the moon rises in the east, and sets in the west
or does it? The moon's been really bright and round recently. Saw that last night while doing the interview recording. I'm a really lousy and unspontaneous interviewer. Perhaps because we didn't have a fixed topic. But nevermind. Our dear interviewee was great and very cooperative and helped us as and when needed.
On the road again. Fell asleep on my 211 readings after a long day at school. Woken up at five by my brother's alarm clock. He has alarm clocks at 5am, 5.40ambecause he needs about 40minutes of semi-consciousness every morning. Is his school halfway across the island? No, its just that he wakes up early to compensate for his extremely slow movement in the morning.
Thought I was going to have a peaceful drive to school. But no, somehow this car manages to cut right in front of me while I'm travelling in the middle lane and then, as if the shave wasn't close enough, starts braking right in my face on the gentle slope when theres practically no traffic ahead of us. We're all travelling at 70 on an empty expressway and yet such things happen. Why. On a downhill usually you can lighten the accelerator and let the car roll a little as long as the traffic ahead is far away. And this guy had nobody in front of him yet he braked.
I overtook him in a huffed manner quite unhappy. But for the rest of the journey he followed me really slowly, so I guess he must have been asleep, or very inexperienced. Could be one of those people who brake at every slightest curvature on the expressway like even the gentle ones. Not that I'm saying you can't do that but take the correct lane, don't suddenly cut into the faster lane to slow down. (Dr Kluver: Am I making sense?)
Listened to some dumb sentimental chinese songs on the way. Hai... sometimes you just get so tired... but maybe this is just one of those days. One of those days where I generally keep more quiet and behave in a docile manner. Carry on in Christ, not despair. Though I long to be gone of this world my time will come when I will be called.
The NTUC Income lawyer called me last night. Have to go down to their office again to sign something like the same over and over again. Basically, making sure that no party except me ever gets liable if things go wrong in court and someone has to pay. That's what you get for helping a motorcyclist.
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: -Ephesians 4:26
And by the way, anybody ever noticed that blue sign that occassionally appears on the expressway that says "Slower traffic and motorcycles keep left"
In the end, all things are beyond our control, especially these. Let it be, let it be.
Amen
On the road again. Fell asleep on my 211 readings after a long day at school. Woken up at five by my brother's alarm clock. He has alarm clocks at 5am, 5.40ambecause he needs about 40minutes of semi-consciousness every morning. Is his school halfway across the island? No, its just that he wakes up early to compensate for his extremely slow movement in the morning.
Thought I was going to have a peaceful drive to school. But no, somehow this car manages to cut right in front of me while I'm travelling in the middle lane and then, as if the shave wasn't close enough, starts braking right in my face on the gentle slope when theres practically no traffic ahead of us. We're all travelling at 70 on an empty expressway and yet such things happen. Why. On a downhill usually you can lighten the accelerator and let the car roll a little as long as the traffic ahead is far away. And this guy had nobody in front of him yet he braked.
I overtook him in a huffed manner quite unhappy. But for the rest of the journey he followed me really slowly, so I guess he must have been asleep, or very inexperienced. Could be one of those people who brake at every slightest curvature on the expressway like even the gentle ones. Not that I'm saying you can't do that but take the correct lane, don't suddenly cut into the faster lane to slow down. (Dr Kluver: Am I making sense?)
Listened to some dumb sentimental chinese songs on the way. Hai... sometimes you just get so tired... but maybe this is just one of those days. One of those days where I generally keep more quiet and behave in a docile manner. Carry on in Christ, not despair. Though I long to be gone of this world my time will come when I will be called.
The NTUC Income lawyer called me last night. Have to go down to their office again to sign something like the same over and over again. Basically, making sure that no party except me ever gets liable if things go wrong in court and someone has to pay. That's what you get for helping a motorcyclist.
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: -Ephesians 4:26
And by the way, anybody ever noticed that blue sign that occassionally appears on the expressway that says "Slower traffic and motorcycles keep left"
In the end, all things are beyond our control, especially these. Let it be, let it be.
Amen
Monday, January 24, 2005
confession - the Godfather
Where does it say somewhere rather to chop off that portion of your body that makes you sin rather than to condemn the entire soul to hell?
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. - Matthew 5:30
Time and time again. I hate and despise my self. I do not want to sin no more. So fallen and weak. Serving flesh. I really don't understand, it doesn't seem logical at all. Why would God ever want to choose me? I am totally weak and useless. When I thought there was progress (a linear form of thought by the way, of measuring earthly phenomena), I still had nothing. Crushed. At the slight of the hand. Abased and brought to bear. I cannot try to stand alone.
Transgressed again! How dreadful and fearful. Why have I to continue on in this fallen world, this fallen existence, that time and again I gather up iniquity against myself? I cannot do that which I want to, and yet do that which I will not. Repent!
I have sinned. I have always sinned. The more the shining light of the gospel penetrates the darker I realise myself to be. Against the perfection of Christ can which fallen creature of this earth stand??
Lewis was right. Every small little thought, no matter how harmless it may seem, builds up.
Yet God loved us first. Unconditionally. For the scum that I am.
Godfather III comes to my mind.
Don Michael Corleone tries to turn a new leaf, through his old ways. After all, he has the power. There are unflattering portrayals of the Catholic Church. But after a while he still finds himself inseparable from the web and culture of violence he is locked into.
Then the events takes him back to old Sicily, where he traces back his history, the violence he grew up with and the how his heart of vengence was born and fuelled by it through his life.
In the middle of trying to secure support political support from the CC, he is led to a Cardinal in the area. Instead of even listening, the Cardinal's humble constitution persuades him to confess, something he hadn't done for a long time. He recounted, with an aching heart and flowing tears, all the grave transgressions he had committed. For dramatic effect of course, it has to be things like killing your brother, murder, and so on.
Condemned is the fallen nature of man. But recognition what a sinner one is is perhaps still better than flat denial, or explaining it away, or thinking it doesn't matter, locked up in a pride that refuses to confess. At least that recognition does show some light in your life, that you see the darkness all over.
The Cardinal said "Although you do not believe, but the blood of Christ washes away all sin."
Its not a blanket pardon or just a blank check, but only out of faith does the above statement hold any effect.
After that, both men stood silent.
Several scenes later, one of Michael's old friends gets killed by an assasin going after him. He is painfully moved, and cries out "And I will sin no more". Struggle. Painful struggle. And in a symbolic action, hands over his Mafia power away to an aspiring underling.
Of course, for dramatic effect, his daughter still gets killed by those seeking to kill him in the end.
He had been trying so hard to atone for himself by his own actions.
He tried to do legitimate business. But his past caught up with him.
He tried to justify himself by saying he wanted to protect his family. But after a while he realised he was just pursuing himself. (reference his opera singing son)
He gave all his power up. But still lost the one closest to his heart in this world.
Symbolically, he dies old and white-haired sitting on a rocking-chair in the countryside.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
What do we get from the story? Fate? Perhaps. In the sense nothing is really in our control. Retribution? I told you so? These are thoughts of a vengeful heart.
But one man's vain search for the redemption of his soul, when all he had to do was ask the One who is best positioned to give it.
Forgive us Father, for the things we don't want to do, for the things that we don't know we do. And guide us and hold us, even when we fall and ignore you and follow ourselves, when we say You are troublesome and when there is the slightest suggestion that Your covenent in Christ is not enough to sustain us. Banish those thoughts away from us and keep us close.
Amen.
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. - Matthew 5:30
Time and time again. I hate and despise my self. I do not want to sin no more. So fallen and weak. Serving flesh. I really don't understand, it doesn't seem logical at all. Why would God ever want to choose me? I am totally weak and useless. When I thought there was progress (a linear form of thought by the way, of measuring earthly phenomena), I still had nothing. Crushed. At the slight of the hand. Abased and brought to bear. I cannot try to stand alone.
Transgressed again! How dreadful and fearful. Why have I to continue on in this fallen world, this fallen existence, that time and again I gather up iniquity against myself? I cannot do that which I want to, and yet do that which I will not. Repent!
I have sinned. I have always sinned. The more the shining light of the gospel penetrates the darker I realise myself to be. Against the perfection of Christ can which fallen creature of this earth stand??
Lewis was right. Every small little thought, no matter how harmless it may seem, builds up.
Yet God loved us first. Unconditionally. For the scum that I am.
Godfather III comes to my mind.
Don Michael Corleone tries to turn a new leaf, through his old ways. After all, he has the power. There are unflattering portrayals of the Catholic Church. But after a while he still finds himself inseparable from the web and culture of violence he is locked into.
Then the events takes him back to old Sicily, where he traces back his history, the violence he grew up with and the how his heart of vengence was born and fuelled by it through his life.
In the middle of trying to secure support political support from the CC, he is led to a Cardinal in the area. Instead of even listening, the Cardinal's humble constitution persuades him to confess, something he hadn't done for a long time. He recounted, with an aching heart and flowing tears, all the grave transgressions he had committed. For dramatic effect of course, it has to be things like killing your brother, murder, and so on.
Condemned is the fallen nature of man. But recognition what a sinner one is is perhaps still better than flat denial, or explaining it away, or thinking it doesn't matter, locked up in a pride that refuses to confess. At least that recognition does show some light in your life, that you see the darkness all over.
The Cardinal said "Although you do not believe, but the blood of Christ washes away all sin."
Its not a blanket pardon or just a blank check, but only out of faith does the above statement hold any effect.
After that, both men stood silent.
Several scenes later, one of Michael's old friends gets killed by an assasin going after him. He is painfully moved, and cries out "And I will sin no more". Struggle. Painful struggle. And in a symbolic action, hands over his Mafia power away to an aspiring underling.
Of course, for dramatic effect, his daughter still gets killed by those seeking to kill him in the end.
He had been trying so hard to atone for himself by his own actions.
He tried to do legitimate business. But his past caught up with him.
He tried to justify himself by saying he wanted to protect his family. But after a while he realised he was just pursuing himself. (reference his opera singing son)
He gave all his power up. But still lost the one closest to his heart in this world.
Symbolically, he dies old and white-haired sitting on a rocking-chair in the countryside.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
What do we get from the story? Fate? Perhaps. In the sense nothing is really in our control. Retribution? I told you so? These are thoughts of a vengeful heart.
But one man's vain search for the redemption of his soul, when all he had to do was ask the One who is best positioned to give it.
Forgive us Father, for the things we don't want to do, for the things that we don't know we do. And guide us and hold us, even when we fall and ignore you and follow ourselves, when we say You are troublesome and when there is the slightest suggestion that Your covenent in Christ is not enough to sustain us. Banish those thoughts away from us and keep us close.
Amen.
Friday, January 21, 2005
ding-dong
the electronic school bell rings. Its 7.20am. time for assembly. But no sounds of children making lots of noise in the carpark today. Its a public holiday. Long weekend.
Went for a jog this morning. Feel much better. Made it to the Red Swastika. But the jogging was staggered though. But feel great.
Chanced upon this Buddha Tooth Relic Temple at the open field in Chinatown yesterday. Went in to examine the statues. Fascinating mix of fat, thin Buddhas and various types of Gods with Chinese and Indian themes all mixed in. People busy bathing lots of colourful Buddha statues. Monks and devouts chanting in the center and you can hear them through the tentage thanks to the speakers. SEA: 211 comes alive. Well, not really, but just a little bit of it.
Came across this article on STI. Why don't you guys read it? :
Jan 21, 2005
No help from public, cops after drunks struck
AT ABOUT 1.30am on New Year's Day, my partner, a friend and I were waiting outside the Central Fire Station opposite Funan The IT Mall for a cab we had booked earlier.
Three young men, who were obviously drunk, bumped into me on purpose, moved away and smiled. Seeing this, my partner merely told him, 'Hey, brother, relax'.
This somehow made the three men angry and they came forward as if to start a fight with my two male companions. We realised they were getting aggravated for no apparent reason, so we told them calmly, several times, 'Sorry, it's our fault, please go'.
Even before we could move away from the scene, one of them threw a punch at my friend's nose.
He began bleeding profusely, but two of the men continued to punch him. My partner tried to stop them but they wouldn't back down.
Faced with this sudden commotion, I began to panic and cry.
I called the police, stammered, and tried to give as much information as I could amid my fear and tears.
Soon, my two male companions managed to flee across the road.
Realising that the drunkards were heading towards me, I too ran across the four-lane road despite oncoming traffic.
The police arrived on the scene after 20 minutes, but they didn't get out of their patrol car. They pulled over on the opposite side of the road and just called me on my cellphone to check if my friend was all right.
Couldn't they see we were just opposite the road?
Couldn't they see blood all over the place where their car had pulled up?
I was still shaking as I told them my cousin was coming to take my friend to a hospital.
And why didn't they ask me for details of the attack? Even if it was impossible to look for the drunk men, wasn't it important to at least get a statement from us? Did they think it was just another holiday brawl?
There were many members of the public standing around, but not one came to help us.
The women obviously didn't want to get involved, but at least they could have called the police.
I was shocked to see many run across the road to get as far away as possible from the scene.
There were a good number of men around but none came to our aid. Everyone moved away.
I didn't know Singaporeans are heartless in such situations.
Even when my friend passed out, after crossing the road, not one soul came to help us in any way.
They just walked past as if they couldn't hear my cries or see my friend lying there bleeding.
Singaporean efforts to help in the tsunami disaster touched me and many others.
But I was assailed by doubt and disappointment after this incident.
When disasters strike overseas, we rush to help. But when 'disaster' strikes our fellow Singaporeans, we flee.
I am not proud to be a Singaporean now.
Teeba Supramania (Ms)
-------------END-----------------
Picture the scene. Some drunk people. Punching some non-drunk people until they started bleeding. Would you help? Well, at least if someone else stepped forward you'd join him to help right? But nobody took the first step. I remember there was some psychological explanation for such behavior, as in not wanting to take the first step. Running away is an instinctive thing to do and I wouldn't blame them. But surely there were enough sober people in the area to restrain the drunk.
What say you?
"Serves you right for going to such places?"
"Who asked you to confront the drunks?"
Or did it have anything to do with them being of Indian descent?
But if the account that the police did not even get out of the car upon arrival at the scene is true, it really is very appalling. If I were the lady and experienced all these multiple whams, I'd be very disappointed too.
Went for a jog this morning. Feel much better. Made it to the Red Swastika. But the jogging was staggered though. But feel great.
Chanced upon this Buddha Tooth Relic Temple at the open field in Chinatown yesterday. Went in to examine the statues. Fascinating mix of fat, thin Buddhas and various types of Gods with Chinese and Indian themes all mixed in. People busy bathing lots of colourful Buddha statues. Monks and devouts chanting in the center and you can hear them through the tentage thanks to the speakers. SEA: 211 comes alive. Well, not really, but just a little bit of it.
Came across this article on STI. Why don't you guys read it? :
Jan 21, 2005
No help from public, cops after drunks struck
AT ABOUT 1.30am on New Year's Day, my partner, a friend and I were waiting outside the Central Fire Station opposite Funan The IT Mall for a cab we had booked earlier.
Three young men, who were obviously drunk, bumped into me on purpose, moved away and smiled. Seeing this, my partner merely told him, 'Hey, brother, relax'.
This somehow made the three men angry and they came forward as if to start a fight with my two male companions. We realised they were getting aggravated for no apparent reason, so we told them calmly, several times, 'Sorry, it's our fault, please go'.
Even before we could move away from the scene, one of them threw a punch at my friend's nose.
He began bleeding profusely, but two of the men continued to punch him. My partner tried to stop them but they wouldn't back down.
Faced with this sudden commotion, I began to panic and cry.
I called the police, stammered, and tried to give as much information as I could amid my fear and tears.
Soon, my two male companions managed to flee across the road.
Realising that the drunkards were heading towards me, I too ran across the four-lane road despite oncoming traffic.
The police arrived on the scene after 20 minutes, but they didn't get out of their patrol car. They pulled over on the opposite side of the road and just called me on my cellphone to check if my friend was all right.
Couldn't they see we were just opposite the road?
Couldn't they see blood all over the place where their car had pulled up?
I was still shaking as I told them my cousin was coming to take my friend to a hospital.
And why didn't they ask me for details of the attack? Even if it was impossible to look for the drunk men, wasn't it important to at least get a statement from us? Did they think it was just another holiday brawl?
There were many members of the public standing around, but not one came to help us.
The women obviously didn't want to get involved, but at least they could have called the police.
I was shocked to see many run across the road to get as far away as possible from the scene.
There were a good number of men around but none came to our aid. Everyone moved away.
I didn't know Singaporeans are heartless in such situations.
Even when my friend passed out, after crossing the road, not one soul came to help us in any way.
They just walked past as if they couldn't hear my cries or see my friend lying there bleeding.
Singaporean efforts to help in the tsunami disaster touched me and many others.
But I was assailed by doubt and disappointment after this incident.
When disasters strike overseas, we rush to help. But when 'disaster' strikes our fellow Singaporeans, we flee.
I am not proud to be a Singaporean now.
Teeba Supramania (Ms)
-------------END-----------------
Picture the scene. Some drunk people. Punching some non-drunk people until they started bleeding. Would you help? Well, at least if someone else stepped forward you'd join him to help right? But nobody took the first step. I remember there was some psychological explanation for such behavior, as in not wanting to take the first step. Running away is an instinctive thing to do and I wouldn't blame them. But surely there were enough sober people in the area to restrain the drunk.
What say you?
"Serves you right for going to such places?"
"Who asked you to confront the drunks?"
Or did it have anything to do with them being of Indian descent?
But if the account that the police did not even get out of the car upon arrival at the scene is true, it really is very appalling. If I were the lady and experienced all these multiple whams, I'd be very disappointed too.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
last minute and strange things
hmm... Jan suddenly told me today he's not applying hall...
And then I find out today is the last day.
Not only that, something is wrong with my PIN so I can't apply.
And now, the application is already closed.
Try again next time I guess.
I'm having mysterious ppl adding me on msn, and when I chat with them, they also have no clue as to what happened... weird
Mom says to go Chinatown tonight. I'm quite sure It's going to be really crowded. But nevermind. With the privilege of turning on the aircon in the car, I'm sure everything will be fine.
And then I find out today is the last day.
Not only that, something is wrong with my PIN so I can't apply.
And now, the application is already closed.
Try again next time I guess.
I'm having mysterious ppl adding me on msn, and when I chat with them, they also have no clue as to what happened... weird
Mom says to go Chinatown tonight. I'm quite sure It's going to be really crowded. But nevermind. With the privilege of turning on the aircon in the car, I'm sure everything will be fine.
216 digression... back to that 225 topic of identity
People will identify you according according to terms that serve their purpose.
When they want to encourage me to learn more Mandarin they call me a Chinese. (btw, mandarin is cool, economically viable etcetc)
When the malaysian traffic police see my car they call me Singaporean.
When the malaysian drinks stall encik gave me a "teh cina" I was Chinese
When I talk with the old man downstairs my house I am Cantonese.
When they want me to serve NS they call me a Singaporean.
When they want to encourage me to learn more Mandarin they call me a Chinese. (btw, mandarin is cool, economically viable etcetc)
When the malaysian traffic police see my car they call me Singaporean.
When the malaysian drinks stall encik gave me a "teh cina" I was Chinese
When I talk with the old man downstairs my house I am Cantonese.
When they want me to serve NS they call me a Singaporean.
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