its been quite a week.
I slept at 1am and awoke at 5... couldn't go back to sleep cause I had eaten too much... so I decided to go for a jog... think I covered about 3km plus... but I'm super sleepy now as a result...
on Friday I went all the way to school in the morning and almost skipped CS446. For one, I was preparing a very sloppish presentation on media outlets in Germany for the German professor...
but i felt super sian and had a severe bout of that 'I just wanna run home feeling' coming all over me...
must have been a combination of factors coming from all over the place.... the r/s thing, running around feeling miserable, being behind in my readings... fyp...
but thank God rach psychoed me enough to stay on and encouraged me a lot....
I was actually packing up to go off as I had called my mom and complained I didn't feel like going for lesson and she was like "then come join me for lunch!" - my mom rocks :)
but i managed to stay also because rach helped me quite a bit and gave me some wiki bits to add to my presentation. Thanks so much!
After class it was a church guys' night out and the 4 of us ate and ate and ate. Chicken rice with dishes at Upper Bukit Timah road hawker area opposite Beautyworld, Island Creamery at Serene Centre, then some dimsum along Upper Thomson Road on the way to Nee Soon camp. We had heart to heart sharing, chatting, advice and encouragement all round, and all concluded in unison -
The Christian life may be full of struggle as we grapple with issues of how to live in a God-pleasing manner in all aspects of our life... be it work, school, family, relationships... but then, struggle is a sign we're alive
dead things don't struggle
In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. - John 16:33
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
eyes on the prize
Thought this year it would be different.
Thought I'd finally share it with the one who'd be with me till my dying day.
Thought at last this desert of love would find its sweet oasis
Thought I wouldn't have to go through this life with my other half missing from my side.
What was this event to me anyway? Social pressure
What was the significance of this day anyway? Profitteering off people's foolishness
What of the lovey-dovy all over the TV and radio, and moving off people's lips?
Just an important day on the retail market's calendar.
What does it mean to me now? As it always had meant to me. None of my business.
Why were we so different and yet together?
Why did I believe that we could conquer the inconquerable, without God in our hearts?
Why did we have to meet, if we were ever to part?
Why give me memories that linger so bitter when I call upon them to well up in the depths of my soul?
Was I undeserving?
Was it you who drove me away?
Was it something I didn't say?
Was it the torture that kept me awake night and day?
But you weren't treating me right
But you weren't being honest about the things you said
I got tired of the lies and games
And said "if this is heaven, send me to hell"
Dear God,
I've learnt my lesson. I didn't ask for certain things, nor was I seeking them, but by following on I complied. My already wavering testimony was shamed even more. I let things get the better of me. I explained myself away. I compromised. I should have known better. I wanted to rush things myself. You - are in charge of all things, and they'll come to pass in Your good time.
Next time,
I'll find someone who deserves me
I'll find someone who is true to me
I'll not give myself away so easily
I'll make sure she actually likes me for me
So dear Lord in heaven this I pray:
That Your Will I may always obey
That You'll send someone true to You and me my way
That in the meantime on You I'll wait
That though I be alone or otherwise on You my heart will always stay
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."- Proverbs 31:30
Thought I'd finally share it with the one who'd be with me till my dying day.
Thought at last this desert of love would find its sweet oasis
Thought I wouldn't have to go through this life with my other half missing from my side.
What was this event to me anyway? Social pressure
What was the significance of this day anyway? Profitteering off people's foolishness
What of the lovey-dovy all over the TV and radio, and moving off people's lips?
Just an important day on the retail market's calendar.
What does it mean to me now? As it always had meant to me. None of my business.
Why were we so different and yet together?
Why did I believe that we could conquer the inconquerable, without God in our hearts?
Why did we have to meet, if we were ever to part?
Why give me memories that linger so bitter when I call upon them to well up in the depths of my soul?
Was I undeserving?
Was it you who drove me away?
Was it something I didn't say?
Was it the torture that kept me awake night and day?
But you weren't treating me right
But you weren't being honest about the things you said
I got tired of the lies and games
And said "if this is heaven, send me to hell"
Dear God,
I've learnt my lesson. I didn't ask for certain things, nor was I seeking them, but by following on I complied. My already wavering testimony was shamed even more. I let things get the better of me. I explained myself away. I compromised. I should have known better. I wanted to rush things myself. You - are in charge of all things, and they'll come to pass in Your good time.
Next time,
I'll find someone who deserves me
I'll find someone who is true to me
I'll not give myself away so easily
I'll make sure she actually likes me for me
So dear Lord in heaven this I pray:
That Your Will I may always obey
That You'll send someone true to You and me my way
That in the meantime on You I'll wait
That though I be alone or otherwise on You my heart will always stay
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."- Proverbs 31:30
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Lawyer gives marital advice
it was quite an interesting make-up biz law class today. the lecturer said something very fun:
(paraphrased)
"I always tell my male students - if you're talking about marriage ah, and you're not sure if she's the one... you must make VERY VERY sure ok.... VERY VERY sure"
we gave him a silly look. what was he doing giving us marital advice...
"... for the ladies... I always tell them nevermind if you're not sure... no harm trying... not the one then nevermind. Why do I say all this? Because of this law called the - "
"WOMAN'S CHARTER" I answered happily...
"Oh? I've told you guys already ah?"
"no..."
"yeah when a marriage goes sour this piece of legislation will make the guy suffer like crazy financially"
(please check the legalnet for details)
Hurhur. Wise words from a lawyer...
(paraphrased)
"I always tell my male students - if you're talking about marriage ah, and you're not sure if she's the one... you must make VERY VERY sure ok.... VERY VERY sure"
we gave him a silly look. what was he doing giving us marital advice...
"... for the ladies... I always tell them nevermind if you're not sure... no harm trying... not the one then nevermind. Why do I say all this? Because of this law called the - "
"WOMAN'S CHARTER" I answered happily...
"Oh? I've told you guys already ah?"
"no..."
"yeah when a marriage goes sour this piece of legislation will make the guy suffer like crazy financially"
(please check the legalnet for details)
Hurhur. Wise words from a lawyer...
Monday, February 12, 2007
"I believe God wants you to learn something from this whole thing" - A close friend
Its been a tumultuous month of absence from my blog...
FYP's getting the last minute jitters.
Too much of an emotional roller coaster...
The "new" car's doing great... ownership takes on a new meaning when your wallet's burning.
Feel vulnerable. Manipulated. Taken for a ride. Too many love songs. Too much rose tinting on my rather damaged glasses. As it is, the rose layer is peeling and cracking. Like a shattering mirror. And the world is blunt, jagged and contorted.
Why? Because I had strayed from God's ways and wisdom. God was nowhere in the picture.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." - Isaiah 55:8
How this truth keeps resonating in me now. How painfully I've made myself aware of it. That I went against and grieved the Holy Spirit. That I had failed to stand up when the situation came.
I am ashamed to face God.
I ignored even sound advice from different figures in my life. And church and Christian friends who meant well. But thank God for these people whom He has put in my life, because they've been there for me always.
"For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great." - Psalm 25:11
Can't keep trying to stand on my own anymore. I'm so tired. Should never have strayed.
But what happens now? Oh God I pray, lead me back onto You, and never let me go. Your not-so-prodigal son is in need of Your mercy and grace.
I want to live for Your sake. Cause its the only thing that's worth living for.
Thank God for His mercies, grace and blessings. In Jesus's name.
Amen
FYP's getting the last minute jitters.
Too much of an emotional roller coaster...
The "new" car's doing great... ownership takes on a new meaning when your wallet's burning.
Feel vulnerable. Manipulated. Taken for a ride. Too many love songs. Too much rose tinting on my rather damaged glasses. As it is, the rose layer is peeling and cracking. Like a shattering mirror. And the world is blunt, jagged and contorted.
Why? Because I had strayed from God's ways and wisdom. God was nowhere in the picture.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." - Isaiah 55:8
How this truth keeps resonating in me now. How painfully I've made myself aware of it. That I went against and grieved the Holy Spirit. That I had failed to stand up when the situation came.
I am ashamed to face God.
I ignored even sound advice from different figures in my life. And church and Christian friends who meant well. But thank God for these people whom He has put in my life, because they've been there for me always.
"For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great." - Psalm 25:11
Can't keep trying to stand on my own anymore. I'm so tired. Should never have strayed.
But what happens now? Oh God I pray, lead me back onto You, and never let me go. Your not-so-prodigal son is in need of Your mercy and grace.
I want to live for Your sake. Cause its the only thing that's worth living for.
Thank God for His mercies, grace and blessings. In Jesus's name.
Amen
Saturday, January 13, 2007
on blogging
I realise that having an open blog means you can't be entirely forthcoming with your blog entries. It's not that I have anything to hide, but rather that sometimes certain thoughts are just that... passing thoughts. Musings. Dwellings. Or temporary, hot anger. Stuff that eventually cools down and lets off. So putting it on record is definitely not a good way of letting it go. Putting it on public record for other people to read and see what may have been some past whining that you'd rather let go of is even worse.
Always remember the old story of this ancient person who wronged you terribly and you want to forgive but just hope that you'd rather not see this person anymore? So keeping a remembrance of what wrong this person has done to you in your bedroom is one sure way of keeping the anger alive. Blogging has a catharsis effect. But better to shout it out or whine to a close one than to keep it in permanence.
Just like old photos of my car. And old photos of other... things... Mementos. Certain songs. Old letters.
But I'm not saying its bad to keep remembrances.
Actually, its more of the state of the heart. If deep down inside you've truly let go of something - you'd remember the joy, the happiness, the lessons learnt from whatever that episode was, when you look upon that remembrance or trigger.
But when you're still hurting, out of sight is still good for dealing with it. For the time being at least. So you can sort your thoughts out.
But once you've let go of something, would you still want to blog about it? :)
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. - 1 Corinthians 7:29-31
Always remember the old story of this ancient person who wronged you terribly and you want to forgive but just hope that you'd rather not see this person anymore? So keeping a remembrance of what wrong this person has done to you in your bedroom is one sure way of keeping the anger alive. Blogging has a catharsis effect. But better to shout it out or whine to a close one than to keep it in permanence.
Just like old photos of my car. And old photos of other... things... Mementos. Certain songs. Old letters.
But I'm not saying its bad to keep remembrances.
Actually, its more of the state of the heart. If deep down inside you've truly let go of something - you'd remember the joy, the happiness, the lessons learnt from whatever that episode was, when you look upon that remembrance or trigger.
But when you're still hurting, out of sight is still good for dealing with it. For the time being at least. So you can sort your thoughts out.
But once you've let go of something, would you still want to blog about it? :)
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. - 1 Corinthians 7:29-31
Friday, January 05, 2007
contemplate
The Corrs - Dreams
Now here you go again you say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had, and what you lost
Yeah, thunder only happens when it's raining
and players only loved you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know
You'll know
Now here I go again I see the crystal vision
Well I keep my visions to myself
Well it's only me that wants to wrap around your dreams
and have you any dreams you'd like to sell
Dreams of loneliness, like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you have yeah and what you lost
Thunder only happens when it's raining
and players only love you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know
You'll know...
Now here you go again you say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had, and what you lost
Yeah, thunder only happens when it's raining
and players only loved you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know
You'll know
Now here I go again I see the crystal vision
Well I keep my visions to myself
Well it's only me that wants to wrap around your dreams
and have you any dreams you'd like to sell
Dreams of loneliness, like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you have yeah and what you lost
Thunder only happens when it's raining
and players only love you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know
You'll know...
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Saigon
Scatological
For the upset stomachs, food poisonings, gastrics and other weird things happening to Lyn n my digestive systems.... dunno if it was the ice-cubes, too much beef or whatever...
Play-by-ear
entails the ability to change plans last minute and to be flexible as according to the situation. Also a license to be indecisive.
Very Good. Excellent.
To be said at every step of the journey. In all situations. And circumstances
You say it best. When you say nothing at all.
A very nice song takes on a new meaning as the trip goes on.
Durian
The typhoon with the Esplanade namesake decided to come along when we had found the perfect beach resort
Just whack
Just whack lah. Think so much for what? Whatever needs to be considered has been considered. Now make the decision based on whatever knowledge there is!
I raise you
too much beer n cards. I fold.
For the upset stomachs, food poisonings, gastrics and other weird things happening to Lyn n my digestive systems.... dunno if it was the ice-cubes, too much beef or whatever...
Play-by-ear
entails the ability to change plans last minute and to be flexible as according to the situation. Also a license to be indecisive.
Very Good. Excellent.
To be said at every step of the journey. In all situations. And circumstances
You say it best. When you say nothing at all.
A very nice song takes on a new meaning as the trip goes on.
Durian
The typhoon with the Esplanade namesake decided to come along when we had found the perfect beach resort
Just whack
Just whack lah. Think so much for what? Whatever needs to be considered has been considered. Now make the decision based on whatever knowledge there is!
I raise you
too much beer n cards. I fold.
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