cynical? yet hopeful. pointless? yet fruitful.

On trials and temptations

2010-10-10T17:36:00.001+08:00

Short reflection on trials, temptations and how to overcome it.

In a follow-up to last week’s sermon on how a Christian ought to endure trials, we moved on to the 2^nd part of James Chapter 1, which is about temptation (vv 13-18).

Taking the James passages discussed thus far (vv 1-18), one could think of trials and temptations in the form of a dichotomy. Trials are from God and help to build up faith and character in Christ, leading up to eternal fruit; temptations are meant to entice us and lead us astray and lead unto sin and death.

How do we know what is a trial and what is a temptation? Perhaps some advice from Corinthians 10 can help:

¹²Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. ¹³No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

A trial could be thought of as a temptation that you had to endure till you managed to escape it. The implication is that you should be avoiding, and fleeing, people, things and circumstances of temptation.

It was also noted how trials and temptation come from the same Greek word.

What can tempt us? They can be broadly divided into people, things and circumstances. It can be thought of in such a manner so that we may learn to identify these different ‘embodiments’ of temptation, so that we may “flee from them.”

Let’s translate these into very real terms. These are people, things and circumstances where one is placed in a position of being enticed to sin. So what should one do, after hearing these words from God and looking into the mirror?

1. Identify in what areas where you are flirting with temptation. These include:

a. A colleague you work with whom you fancy?

b. The occasional junk mail of temptation that appears in your mailbox?

c. Certain lewd sections or ads in your daily newspaper?

d. That ridiculously expensive house/car/holiday/bag which your insistence on getting is causing soured relationships and making you consider all too easily available credit options that may not be a good idea at this stage of your life?

e. Bad temper due to fatigue, lack of sleep.

f. Road conditions. Now this is quite a bit of a challenge, because not all of us have the luxury of saying “I don’t want to drive anymore.” Road conditions call for an extra plating of the armour of God, and a good swallowing of ego.

g. Etc etc

2. Pray to God and ask “not to be lead into temptations.”

3. Make practical arrangements and sacrifices to avoid, minimise those areas identified.

4. Be accountable to someone for habits that have a grip on you.

5. Don’t dwell on stuff you shouldn’t be dwelling on. Lustful thoughts, angry thoughts, covetous thoughts (online shopping, sgcarmart, haha) and certain types of activities.

This entry is for myself, so I can check on it to remind myself that as a Christian, this is what I need to do, that I may honour God with my heart, mind, body and soul.

1 year on...

2010-09-17T19:46:00.002+08:00

My last entry was a year ago. Woohoo.

Anyway, I just want to say that if you are an existing Starhub subscriber, the Hubstation's free 1Mbps Internet connection gives the most bang for no buck :)

it isn't perfectly immune from peak hour Internet traffic slowdowns, but at least its good enough for Skype when I need to work, and most Youtube sessions are generally fine.

Pung Sua run

2009-09-23T23:45:00.002+08:00

Evening run. Missed logging a few runs recently, but this one is exploratory.

The Pung Sua Park connector run (partial with turning at 5.4km mark from Zhenghua mark)

6km
33min 30 sec (about)

10.75km/h

Training update and random musings

2009-09-01T17:45:00.003+08:00

Tues:

Distance: 2.67km
Time: 13min

Feel like singing to myself... a cheery song... a soft, cheery song that goes la, la, la, la... feel like smiling myself to tears....

Moved into my new place. Its so big and barren... but at least it has ... Air-con all around!

Good-bye car! Good-bye! Good-bye.... awwwww.... Hello nice new toilet and funky yellow room!

***

Recently heard some sharing where some people verbalised about the sacrifice of their service to God... dying to self.... the time, the energy, the opportunity cost, personal pursuits and interests...

As one said "There's no turning back."

And the thing about such sessions is, once a person starts sharing, it starts to all come out... from some of the rest at least...

But the ROI will come someday. Someday. Cause the One who has promised will honour it. He is trust-worthy.

Even I stopped to think about it for a while. Do you ever look back and think about what it could have been? You probably have, and not just for Christian service, but for many of the other commitments and decisions you've made in your life so far to dedicate yourself to.

Well, but I am assured that the One whom we do this for is worth every single inch of effort. Yes He is, for He did the same for me first. I could see no other purpose for living if not for Him.

And other things in life are almost quite just as worth the Christian cause.

The people whom you dedicate yourselves to.

Even the people whom you didn't choose to dedicate yourself to but God puts you there in that place and position.

So love the people whom God puts around you. In the little things. The big things. When you're tired. When you're angry. When you've had a bad day.

Dying to self. Every day. One day at a time.

Oh~! For the shining glory at the end of this journey. Amen!

Have you dedicated yourself to the right thing in life?

Have you dedicated yourself wholly to the right thing in life?

Training update

2009-08-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

Training update:

Tues -
2.4km
13min 30sec

Wed -

3.3km
21min
9.33km/h

Training update

2009-08-07T21:13:00.000+08:00

4th Aug (Tues)

Gym - 13min, 2.4km
2-2.5incline

I act tough, went for 2.5 incline for 1.6km, then pungchet :)

7th Aug (Fri)

Mahabodhi field run

Distance: 2.99km
Time: 15min 52sec
speed: 11.2km/h

Training update

2009-07-26T20:10:00.001+08:00

Training log.

2.4km run @ office with colleague

15 Jul - 12min 30 sec
22 Jul - 12min 15 sec

Getting there... :)

26 Jul - Maha Bodhi Field ol' run

I've used this field for the past few years to pace my 2.4km runs. Now I've finally measured it, its turns out 2 laps are not 2.8km as I imagined, but 3km! Bonus! It means I've been pushing myself more than I'd imagined all this while...

Length: 2.99km
Time: 14min 53sec
Pace: 12.07km/h

Training update log

2009-07-10T13:45:00.002+08:00

Wed -2.4km @ 800m Gombak Track accompanying Marcus

13min

Thurs - partial Lakeside-Chinese Garden run with Jas

Distance: 3.08km
Time: 21min 35sec
Speed: 8.53km/h

Training log update

2009-07-07T22:45:00.001+08:00

Just ended a spate of flu-ishness.

Treadmill run.

Distance: 2.4km
Time: 12min
Speed: 12km/h

2009-07-03T09:17:00.001+08:00

Hi all, a quick update on items. Have confimed the Aircon system.

Daikin 3MKS50ESG / 3 X FTKS25

Quoted $3090 with standard copper piping, amarflex insulation and bigger water pipe.

Cheers

Update: budget and list of items bought

2009-06-29T18:13:00.002+08:00

GSS, pre-GSS, getting previous models at clearance prices.

Here's the lowdown on our budget:

LG mini-bar fridge GR-051SSF $179

Tempur Deluxe 17cm Queen-sized $2499 +$50

Panasonic Plasma Full-HD 42" THP-42S10S c/w $400 Choice vouchers $1799 +$30

LG Fridge GRM482YSQ (388litre nett capacity) $845 (with option to top up $27 to White colour, depending on kitchen interior design)

Electrolux EWF1495 8kg 1400rpm c/w $30 voucher $999 + $30

Toilet bowls / basins / bathroom / sinks accessories etc $2700 ($2500 paid)

Blanco sink c/w tap $482

Reno budget: As per Plan A $34,920 (deposit $10,000 paid)

What's being carried over:
Piano
Standing Fan
Vacuum cleaner
Microwave
Small 21" LCD TV
Mini-Compo
PCs / Mac
DVD Player (?)

Paid so far: $19303

CASHFLOW PLANNING:

Balance to be paid = $200 + $24,920 = $25,120

Items yet to be purchased :

Sofa
Dining Table
Chest of Drawers
Oven
Automatic Laundry Extender
Air Con
Curtains
Ceiling Fans
Lighting

Housewarming gifts ahoy! Hehheh, Haha

Fans size

2009-06-25T14:39:00.002+08:00

Fans

Spare room - 42" (with light?)
Study - 36"-42" (with light?)
Masterbedroom - 42" (no light needed)
Living Room - full is 30sqm, so 48 -52"
If at light points, then 36" / 36"

Training update

2009-06-22T07:52:00.001+08:00

Training log - 22 Jun
Distance:3.41km
Time: 17min 22 sec
Pace: 11.78km/h

Don't know why this calculator makes me seem slower... maybe it doesn't take into account gradients? :)

Weekend

2009-06-21T07:16:00.002+08:00

Fri.

Had an office run at West Coast.

1.82km
9min 19sec
11.75km/h

Then frisbee lessons. Reminded myself that I have poor motor and coordination skills. Hah.

Drove back to Eunos with Roberto (in his ah-pek white "swan" brand singlet) in tow through after-work peak-hour traffic on AYE/ECP.

Back home, I noticed some 'upgrades' to the Eunos common areas. There was a fresh new green dustbin at the ground floor lift lobby to replace the one that had been missing for months! And, I saw people wearing lanyards scrambling to replace the trashbag of a dustbin in the neighbouring block! What was going on? Anti-H1N1 measures?

Oh, turns out the MP is visiting the residents in the area :)

On the way down to the car for dinner, Mom spotted a small plastic bag near the car which seemed to be moving and kicked it. A little rat scurried out! "Rats! Rats!" Heh.

Sat.

Congrats ning! :)

Went with Jas to see the contractor after driving round-and-round looking for parking in the Arab St area, then went shopping for yellow picard wallet and dinner.

Aircon research - what's the deal with COP, 4-ticks (is equivalent to 1 lice?) and all those numbers?

2009-06-14T16:45:00.008+08:00

Been delving into some technical statistics and specs about different aircons and calculating their COP (rated) as well as their minimal consumption. This applies only to Inverter system aircons.

I have 3 rooms to cool - Master bedroom (about 2.75kW needed), Study (2.2kW needed) and Spare room along corridor (2.2kW needed), for a total capacity of about 7.15kW needed

This is the expected usage pattern: Masterbedroom will be on for sleeping at night when needed, and perhaps up to 4 times a week during the daytime afternoons. Study aircon will be used much less often, and Spare is not foreseen to be used for the next 3 years. In any case, the scenario of max capacity being used is very unlikely, given the Study will never be used together with Masterbedroom. Thus, expected usage will top out at about 5kW max.

I did some analysis of quoted power consumption and capacity figures from brochures and PDFs I managed to get hold of:

So how do I read this $%^#$ thing? :)

Well, we can conclude the Starmex is good for high capacity cooling. The starmex is the highest-rated capacity model of all, and is good for rapid cooling and for higher capacity requirements. However, its base COP of 3.11 makes it inefficient at maintaining set temperatures (which is probably the aircon's operation functional for 4-5hours out of 7 hours of sleeping at night). This is due to its minimum power drawn being 0.45kW, much higher than the 0.3kW-0.34kW quoted by other brands, for a similar min capacity of 1.4kW-1.5kW of cooling. Conclusion: The Starmex is a good aircon system, but not the best at everything, just very well-advertised :)

So, from the chart, which is the Aircon System-3 to get? The Hitachi. Turns out it has the highest rated COP AND Min. COP. It's COP for cooling 2 rooms is decent too - 3.81, and on-par with the Starmex. Just don't ever switch on all three units at overdrive rapid-cool full blast with this combi :) it drops quite badly compared to the other models, not that 2.73 is really bad, but, given its unlikely this scenario will occur, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

So the important thing when getting an aircon system is - know your usage patterns, and capacity required.

Passed IPPT

2009-06-13T21:06:00.003+08:00

hoot! 5 points for everything except 11min 16sec for 2.4km run... and 212cm for SBJ!!! arghh!! no additional $200...

Maju Camp is interesting... you run the 2.4km in the multi-storey vehicle park.

IPPT TEST:
2.4km
Time: 11min 16sec
Pace: 12.78km/h

And I must say, the tag thing is quite efficient... instant updates no need to crowd round instructors sniffing for results.

And about 2 weeks shy of window closing. Heh. Thank God!

Disharmony

2009-06-05T10:36:00.003+08:00

Casefile -

"Seditious tract couple deserve jail, says DPP"

Quoting DPP - "...the tracts contained derogatory comments about other faiths, and that any reasonable person would agree that the highly-charged language and illustrations in them would definitely cause outrage to most non-Christian recipients of the tracts and had the potential to cause enmity, ill-will and hostility between Christians and non-Christians..."

Let's see what the verdict is going to be.

I can think of many things openly marketed and blasted all over TV screens, billboards etc that make "derogatory comments about other faiths" and that they contain "highly-charged language and illustrations in them that would definitely cause outrange to...." other religions.

I don't think it would be wise for the judge to sentence based on the content of the materials, because it would open up a can of worms and many popular publications, movies, etc could likewise be labelled 'seditious' and their publishers jailed.

And the underlying logic is problematic, if something is ruled as seditious because it may perpetuate violent reactions (since DPP keep quoting the Dutch riots over the cartoons) then offensive materials about other religions are allowed because the offended people don't threaten to riot?.... bah!....

On the second point, of distributing them to Muslims in a bid to cause disharmony, so far from the facts it seems that the two Muslims who complained were just two in a huge mailing list that the couple had... if the couple were out to cause disharmony etc I think it would have to be proven that they had a huge list of Muslims and mosques they were mailing these tracts to.

On that note, they could at most be punished for neglecting to realise that distributing them to Muslims would be offensive to them as individuals (personally I think that's a sad state of affairs but it would be a face-saving judgement and yet maintain Singapore's stand on religious harmony)

Good morning Singapore

2009-06-04T06:54:00.004+08:00

"Zao An Ni Hao" - that irritating morning show which likes to feature n-d-p types ra-ra programmes once in a while.

I should style myself the Mr. Greeeeen show instead. I read a recent case of a loanshark runner whose case was heard in court. Here is an artistic rendition of what transpired before the Bench.

Judge Dread: "It says here you went to spash paint on the door of the neighbour of the man who owed your ah-long the money. What's that for?"

Ah-long runner: "Well, you see, when I got to the house of the person who O$P$, the person's house door was open, so how to splash? So I splash the neighbour's door lorh, since it was closed."

***

On a serious note, I must say the cleaning uncle of my block is very efficient. The O$P$ scribblings in the lift get cleaned up really quickly, starting with the floor and unit number of the hapless victim. Sometimes, I wonder if ah-longs do any credit assessment... or are they prepared to take a higher default rate because of their high interest rates charged?

But thank God! My headache is gone, and I've had two nights of proper rest. Thank God for the cool weather that helped too. Better not start running again until I've fully recovered, though I'm cutting it quite close for my I-P-P-T. Just under a month left to take and pass it. Any1 going for I-P-P-T soon?

ol' town run

2009-05-30T11:53:00.002+08:00

Bedok Town Park route... like in the good 'ol days...

4km
approx 25min
9.5km/hr

Then, after a break,

ran another 1.5km at the same speed. Quite productive.

training update

2009-05-26T08:43:00.002+08:00

Ran shortened version of canal...

3km
15min 20sec
11.9km/h

not so good ah!... how to take IPPT likedat? :)

God revealed to me

2009-05-19T05:10:00.003+08:00

Attended BSF leaders' meeting last night. Was feeling sickly, with a sore throat and feverish. I think I'm disobedient enough that I have to be sick to be reminded to turn back to Him. So I went back tw and slept at 10pm plus. The M1 mobile broadband is so terrible you can only use it at unearthly hours like 4am in the morning when everyone ELSE is asleep.

But yes, being much quieter than my already quiet usual self at class, God revealed something to me. It was not something I didn't know - ie i had the head knowledge, but last night God impressed it upon my heart so profoundly, like a figment of His radiant glory that sears and pierces you when you let it in, that it was a clarion call to wake up and understand, appreciate, and fear Him.

We had been learning about the setting up of the tabernacle, the altar, table, lampstand, mercy seat, as well as the priestly and ritual ordinances required to worship at His sanctury on earth. How these were a shadow of things to come in our Lord Jesus Christ were obvious from church sunday bible class study of Hebrews - where Christ, on His blood and sacrifice, is shown to be our effective once-for-all mediator who reaches God's very throne. And Christ offered Himself up in the actual heavenly places of which the tabernacle etc were mere copies of, copies that the Jewish priests guarded so jealously from Him.

Now the exposition of the rituals and ordinaces of worship impressed upon me - God's presence was not to be taken lightly, especially by unworthy humans like ourselves.

God's presence.

It was no joke, God's perfect presence, and yet even from the times of the disobedient Israel fresh out of Egypt, God so desired to dwell among men. As it was back in the days of the garden of Eden. And as it is promised in Revelations when once again, in that New Heaven and New Earth, that eternal City of God, where God would once more dwell among men.

I'd always had a rather sad iteration of the Gospel. For me, when I explain it to others, I always start with sin. But I have failed to emphasize, even to myself, that its not just we need to get rid of sin from ourselves so that we avoid God's judgement, but that God so desires it in order that He would once more dwell with us and be in His presence once again!

So that we may dwell in God's presence once again.

Right now it is by the Holy Spirit indwelling whereby we are in His presence. When we pray. I need to take prayer much more seriously, and live more properly, because I am in His presence. Amen.

***

(this is my real writing style, long-winded, rambling, lots of embedded sentences, diversions etc. Feels good :) because my job and my line of study has rendered me unable to write like that in a long time. But then, its harder for people to follow me when I write/speak like this.)

Did the canal route yesterday. 17m 26sec. Quite alright and on track.

Goodnight. And God Bless.

Brickland Route

2009-05-12T09:52:00.003+08:00

Recently tried another route down Brickland. Apart from about 2 traffic stops it was relatively uninterrupted. Ended with walk to Lot 1 to do some mundane stuff.

Distance: 4.22km

Time: 24min 11sec

Speed: 10.46km/hr

Bt. Panjang Rd

2009-05-12T09:48:00.002+08:00

Did a new route with Jas earlier this week past Pung Sua Pond towards Zhenghua Park. Nice but a bit crowded with quite a few traffic stops. Had dinner at Bt Panjang Plaza after that. Fruit juice is so expensive.

Distance: 2.63km
Time: ~ 23min
Speed: 7km/h

Training update

2009-05-03T15:02:00.003+08:00

Did the new place to future in-laws place run in the morning... but ended a bit sooner...halfway between lakeside and chinese garden mrt...

Distance: 6.17km
Timing: approx 37min
Pace: 9.98km/h

Morning run

2009-04-27T13:26:00.002+08:00

Did a recalculation at higher resolution, turns out the Teck Whye canal route is 3.41km.

Training log - 27 Apr
Distance:3.41km
Time: 17min 10 sec
Pace: 12.07km/h

Punggol morning run

2009-04-26T07:51:00.003+08:00

Went to collect my 'sleeper BMW'. Decided to pack for a run around the Punggol LRT and over the TPE.

Distance: 4.04km
Time: ~ 27min
Speed: 9km /hr

Walked the last 300m through the carparks.
There's a gradient over the TPE. Heh. Making excuses for myself.

Cooling of rooms specifications for new house

2009-04-22T13:06:00.002+08:00

Main bedroom = 300 x 550 = 16.5 = 177.6 sq ft = 11544 BTU = 3.38kW

Attached bedroom = 330 x 375 = 12.375 = 133.2 sq ft = 8548 BTU =2.5kW

Spare bedroom = 350 x 375 = 13.125 = 141.3 sq ft = 9184.5 BTU = 2.6kW

Theory = sq ft x 65 = BTU needed to cool area (NOTE: different websites have suggested different figures - an European website suggested x 35...)

1kW = 1.34hp = 3412 BTU /hr

Total theoretical max compressor load = 8.5kW = 29002 BTU

Morning run

2009-04-22T11:19:00.002+08:00

Distance: 3.33km
Time: Approx 18min
Pace: 11.1km/hr

Still not quite 2.4km passing pace yet, but was having a nice chat half the jog with my ex-CSM who's now in Stagmont Camp.

From future in-laws' place to our new home

2009-04-19T00:37:00.003+08:00

Distance: 7.29km
Time: approx. 45min
Avg Speed: 9.66km/h

Stats not entirely accurate. I basically starting walking and running after the 6km mark, at the junction with Brickland Rd when it goes REALLY upslope... heh... So I gather my average speed for most of the route was almost 11km/h.

The route follows Tibs bus 180 in case it rains or you're so slow you're late for your next appointment.

The new creature

2009-02-16T23:59:00.003+08:00

"The meek shall inherit the earth."

"...the renewing of your mind..."

"dying to self... to be a new creature...a new creation"

"The just shall live by faith..."

"worry not about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself..."

"Seek first the kingdom of heaven, and all these shall be added onto you..."

Are you truly a new creature?

woohoo

2009-02-13T23:20:00.002+08:00

I proposed and she accepted. Woohoo. I'm getting married. Woohoo. Buying a flat. Woohoo. Byebye BMW. Boohoo.

time out

2008-10-02T10:49:00.003+08:00

Can you imagine? Scroll down below... down 7 posts... yes... In 11 months I've made 7 posts. That's what work does to you. Actually, not just work. Work, BSF, Church, dating and all that... blogging just goes all the way down the priority list. I think I would have lost many regular blog surfers by now. Nevertheless... I'm one month shy of being a year in my current job!... Madness sometimes, but really thanks be to God for strength through the tough times, and thanks for the quiet times as well! And God for wisdom and setting priorities straight. And many thanks for dear darling by my side too :)

Have some insane colleagues... yes... they love work, in fact, I'd dare say they live for work :p either that or they're such fantastic multi-taskers that they could just be checking email every minute and surfing the web non-stop for news. Heh.

Being in the media line puts u in the face of the world (unfortunately). So many things happening in the public consciousness now. The US financial markets disaster. Political problems in Malaysia. Confusion in Thailand. Rising electricity prices. ERP gags. JBJ dies. Heh. All these distractions of the mundane world.

My (not-so-new) fuel guzzler. 1350kg. 150bhp. 5-spd auto. Reverse sensors (at last, no more opening of door). Rear-wheel drive. Super-madly road grabbing and kissing tyres.

Rims

2008-08-16T13:01:00.000+08:00

I know I should have resized it before uploading :)

resurrected?

2008-03-16T23:14:00.004+08:00

My blog is dead! Work has killed it!

Someone hit into my car on the expressway at 40kmh because she was trying to change into the next lane and didn't realise I was in front and she was driving right into me. Well at least she didn't dispute the details of the accident 1 bit and the bumper has since been repaired at her expense

2007-12-21T12:49:00.000+08:00

I'm posting this in case I ever lose track of it. At last, a more-or-less accurate calculation of the East Coast Parkway route... ripped off some jogging enthusiast's blog!

Haven't been blogging very much... but the musical's been going well! Most likely I'll be involved in teaching a Sunday School class for Sec 4 kids next year as well... on Genesis somemore.... awesome... lots of mind-boggling questions coming up!...

Reflection

2007-12-02T15:07:00.000+08:00

The days seem to pass quickly as I slowly but surely get sucked into my work.

Number one on the To-do list:

Re-establish a Quiet Time at the office.

This I was reminded from singing the song "Quiet Time" at 1st service today.

But that's just a quadrant 1 thing. The bigger questions still float in my mind.

Today the church bulletin was distributed together with a flyer that stated there were full time ministry positions in the church that urgently needed to be filled up. And I was brought back to 2 months ago when I grappled with entering full-time ministry and somehow I feel disappointed with myself that I didn't just go straight in without thinking.

Today I'm marching to quite a different tune, and pastor's constant reminders struck me.

The immediacy of the kingdom.

And I realised how I was almost forgetting the reason(s) I had cooked up for myself as to why I needed a secular job first.

As it is now I've been learning, learning about the new job, the new environment, the new lingo, the new office politics space

So what happens when you keep on having to stay back and miss really edifying church-related meetings you would like to go for?

Pray that won't happen too often

And yes, I also pray to be more organized in my work so I don't freak out and leave things undone. This week's schedule is already packed!

2007-12-02T12:35:00.000+08:00

It's December. We're starting to sing Christmasy stuff in church. I rushed home to work on something but the network seems to be down. Bleah.

I parked at the public carpark opposite TM yesterday and realised I was out of coupons... so I started walking around looking for someone to sell one to me.

There were 2 men seated in an old van that had the cheek to suggest that "it was going to be expensive" ie: I was to have to pay above face value...

Even selling me a 50cent or $1 coupon because I happen to have run out also want to make profit. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.....

I can expect these people have never like, passed the unused time portion of their coupon to the next person who's about to park in their space

grossed out

2007-12-01T22:04:00.001+08:00

Wow... been really busy at work this week.... keep leaving at 7pm... and this is while reporting at 7.30am... bleah...

btw, I was walking back to my old place just now, and got ambushed by this big stray dog. I didn't see it coming because I was listening to my mp3 player... bleah.... it barked and went super-near me but I just kept walking so it ignored me...

on my way back it was there again... blocking the road. I carried on walking and it ran up to me from its ambush point and licked my left calf before scurrying back to its original position back to the outside of the gate to a bungalow to fraternize with one of its in-house pets.

I had to rush home to bathe.

shalalala

2007-11-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

somehow the way the moon looks tonight mirrors the state of my heart. It's a beautiful crescent smile.

Oh reason not the need

short whine

2007-11-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

After reading about Jas's blog, I decided that okay, since right now I feel like saying something, I will.

I think I suffer from being too non-confrontational. If somebody steps on my toes or does things that undermines me I tend to just say nothing. And go home to brood about it. Or feel lousy about myself. I don't stand up for myself, especially even when I feel I am really being unreasonably undermined.

It's like, the moment somebody says or criticizes my work or undoes it, my first thought will be how bad or lousy I am or how incompetent I am. Even if later when I sit through, examine and think though the facts I find that I'd been doing things properly.

Low self-esteem. Oh well. Have to learn to get over it. And call a spade a spade when it matters. I know I can do it sometimes, depending on how important the thing I'm going to have to stand for is. No matter who it is. I think it's the last part that's the hardest. Proceed with caution.

Busy busy Saturdays and Sundays! Must avoid the "busy martha" syndrome...

Pray for my new job! Work starts tomoro! Ciao!

Jerry

lessons learnt

2007-10-30T09:17:00.000+08:00

Why you should always check your mirrors before changing lanes... and not swing your steering wheel at expressway speeds:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGNShL4wTbQ

This is apparently a Croatian police speed check area you can see the white numbers lined up with the lanes (in km/h, I presume) change as the cars pass the speed trap area.

The black car that pushes the white one into the centre barrier looks like the new BMW 7-series... it still manages to keep moving and stays in control! Amazing...

And here's another video of a Russian tunnel perhaps affected by ice...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYwI_BtkYoI

watch for the drifting bus...

Okay as you can tell I'm anxious to start work

Rolling on

2007-10-24T10:05:00.001+08:00

Haven't been taking afternoon naps anymore... except for yesterday... which extended to 2 hours and caused me to be late for an appointment! *sheepish grin*

I'm signing the Mindef contract tomoro to confirm my appointment date et al... I really pray the job will work out because I've turned down other offers and interviews thus far...

Went for the first haircut of my life that cost more than S$10... nothing spectacular. Don't think it was really worth it heh... because a haircut to me has a pragmatic function - not too long, not too hot. We had a great value-for-money lunch of pasta later though... somewhere along upper thomson road

The *** insurance company is really lousy... I cancelled my insurance policy by hand like, 3 months ago and they've yet to refund me the unused portion of the insurance cover... finally managed to call them 2 weeks ago and this apologetic man says he'll expedite it... but I don't have my cheque still. BAH! Why can't they get their procedures right? Must I call again to nag somemore?

Another really excellent example of good service is NTU's Office of Finance. Telephone calls that never get answered. BAH!

Ok enough of complaints... Will use these precious 2 weeks left to clear up as much admin as possible... Praise God for free time!

Taitai out!

Frisky

2007-10-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

Hmm... a bit restless.

Struck the curb while trying to park head in. I wasn't so sure whether I was going to clear it, but I went ahead anyway and pffft the curb.

But thankful I was at low speed.

Went for a great 30-lap swim but fell in a drain on the way back to the parking lot

But hey, still thankful it's just skin-off and no cracked bones.

DIDN'T take a nap today again! Victory!!

Ok the day's ending... Wonder if 7-hours of sleep a day is sufficient for me.

Thank God for the day again!

another victorious day

2007-10-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

Thank God for another day gone by without taking a nap! yea! Had a heavy breakfast of laksa today... after which... went back to read yesterday's papers and do some of the musical master. After which, went for lunch of fish soup... and then back to more of the master, with lots of facebook in between.

Went to the townclub gym (Thank God I suddenly found a free parking lot out of the blue) and was running when Mr. Sinna and Susan my ex-bosses caught me on the treadmill. Also saw the same old man there Lydia and I used to use during our lunch gym sessions.

Mr Sinna said I had put on weight... BLEAH... must be the chocolates and stuff....

But anyway, managed to clear 2.4km within passing time in spite of walking as a warm up for 1st 200metres... 1 small victory at a time!

The weather was wet when I left for midweek so I headed for the paid carpark! Heh! Some foggy windows as the aircon was cooling the interior down and some hazardous driving got me there really quick, and I ended up meeting J. T. there too.

Midweek was chatting over chicken and some really lousy iced lemon tea. It was good to see WJ too... always in high spirits... great!

Journey back was super fun.... bothered to rev. the engine to 2500 rpm and pickup is fantastic... woohoo... maybe it's the cool weather and denser air... wow... getting cool air to the fuel mixture does make quite a difference...

Oh whee I am sooo tired....Thank God for the day!

Amen!

Moving along, with thanks to God!

2007-10-15T21:45:00.000+08:00

A small victory today~ managed to get by without taking any afternoon nap! Did Sunday school homework too. Did one portion of the master for the Christmas musical, paid some bills, gave tuition... fantastic!

On the food side... was sodiumised today. Had luncheon meat for breakfast AND dinner today... well... someone's gotta finish the leftovers rather than keep it overnight right?....

This facebook thing is killing me hahah... so addictive...

Not much time left before work begins...

relativism bah humbug

2007-10-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

I once read with much admiration, an article in Straits Times by this Muslim-Malay politician who talked about toleration in a secular society.

I can't remember his exact words but it went something like - he would have to talk and work with and treat civily his fellow non-Muslim worker - though he knew this fellow was going to hell.

First of all I must say it took a lot of guts to write that. And even more guts to publish it.

And this absolutely slaps those relativists in the face, those who think people who hold on to absolute, exclusivist truth claims are bigots, close-minded, intolerant, arragont and all that.

I mean, that's what tolerance is in the first place right? Putting up with something in spite of not agreeing with it. If one can agree to all sorts of conflicting, mutually exclusive truth claims then he's not being tolerant - apart from a miserable lack of convictions in life - he's just spineless and holds on to nothing and expects other people to do the same.

Therefore see, how the person who disagrees with a particular truth-claim or moral belief and yet respects the other person's right to hold his view is the one who is REALLY tolerant.

I'm going to verbal smack the next atheist who goes around lamblasting us monotheistic bigots about how 'selfish' and 'unobjective' we are and how wonderfully enlightening their 'viewpoint from nowhere' and their 'value-unladen' objectivity is...

BRING IT ON!

Proclaiming Jesus in a confused, attention-span defict world.

God hear me

2007-10-10T09:59:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought things were going to settle down as I wait for the largest bureucracy -ARMY - to finalise their employment details (during which I had to turn down interviews with New NKF, NEA, HDB, SPF as well as decline 2 other job offers), God opens yet another door.

I haf a keen interest in theology and the studying and understanding of God and how our faith ought to relate to our life and our world around us, and how we ought to see, understand and try to reconcile things. And there's an opening for postgrad studies in church as part of the pastoral team, with the aim of eventually becoming assistant pastor after several years of sponsored studies, of which my pastor approached me to consider.

What shall I do?

Being part of the pastoral team is something that I'd never considered before...

monday

2007-10-08T14:28:00.001+08:00

It's been a quiet monday morning. I woke at the incredible timing of 10.30am. Decided to take a walk to the MayBank Geylang Serai to pay the outstanding credit card bill from my telco. Walked the quiet of the bazaar and pasar malams as they're just starting to open. Brought my swimming stuff in my bag with the intent of going to the pool near Paya Lebar MRT after lunch.

Decided to go to the Singapore Post Centre Subway to redeem my free 6-incher sandwich. Chose a Cheesesteak because it's something I normally wouldn't buy if I had to pay full price. Wolfed it down rather quickly and started doing the remnants of my BSF homework. After a while it starting raining, and the gradually began to fill up.

As I finished the worksheet the place was beginning to get really noisy ala Raffles Place at lunch time so I left and walked around a bit amongst the office people looking for a cash-deposit machine. Couldn't find any. In the end I settled down to read the latest edition of "Wheels" magazine at Popular bookstore. Many nice-looking ads with some worth-while articles too.

A feature on the latest C-Class... ha... something I'd admire but never buy even if I had the money. Then a short write-up on the VW Golf GT "1.4TSI"... at 104k it's in luxury car zone. But its one mean pocket rocket and gentle on the tax but not on the torque and acceleration. Nice.

Stood there for 45min to finish browsing... and by the time I was done the rain had stopped so walked back home. Fixed lunch appointment tomorrow. Got a call from somebody. Finished it real quick. Got a canned drink. Went home and had some ice cream.

I feel like just sleeping and sleeping. Goodnight.

hahah

2007-10-05T15:42:00.000+08:00

Woah! This is sooo cooooll

Stomp is an interesting place, but it seems to be mostly for petty complaints :) but it also shows how ugly we sometimes get... :)

On men and women

2007-10-04T11:08:00.000+08:00

Animal brutality.

That's the first reaction I had to the first physical encounter between Mrs Mak (pronounced "mai" as in "mai-dang-nao" (MacDonald in mandarin)) and Mr Yee in the course of their illicit affair.

Without going into details that would put this blog into the porn circle, I'd say that Lust, Caution (2007) got me thinking once again about the relationship between man and woman by throwing some hard, honest realities back in my face.

Perhaps it was merely a matter of style or preference that while she wanted to build up with more foreplay, he just rushed in and took her. Or perhaps a reflection of his power (in both the physical and political sense). Maybe it was the rekindling of that banter they had 3 years before which he had turned down due to caution, that he so wanted to consumate.

But its the... 'uncivility' of the whole act which unsettles me. Almost like some excretory function. Unhappy me. You almost feel bad to have to subject your other half to such, impalement, for want of a better word. I'm sure there's a better way to do it.

So much for the tryst. But Mrs Mak goes in for the kill. To establish that emotional 'oneness' between a man and a woman where they transcend beyond the "your money is yours, my money is mine" kind of mentality. At the meeting in the Japanese district she announces her intent to move into his life by challenging, in that all so powerful demure way that only a lady can, to regard her as more than a whore. Which he probably treated her as, up till now.

And she sings for him a beautiful song, appealing to his sense and need for a woman in his life. And he finally succumbs. A hard, cautious man, broken.

He reiterates that again some part later in the movie as he recounts "... my superiors say my mind is not in my work... I am somewhere else.... and I am.... all my thoughts... are with you..."

A darker note surfaces as he recounts how he tortures a suspected spy "... as I tortured him... I imagined him... on top of you..." Probably a reflection of possessiveness.

But what of the director's claims of giving more insight into what sex is to women?

Only a hint of it in her angry words to the spy-master when asked to prolong her whoring to him so that they could get more information. As she describes.... the experience.... in rather cruel words and punctuates it with how, after climaxing they are supposed to turn up and blow his brains off while he's still on top of her. Maybe her side would have come out more vividly in the uncensored version.

But as it stands, she just keeps being portrayed as something to be used.

The question at the end when the plot is uncovered and they fail to assassinate Yee is, did Mrs Mak fall for him, as he did for her? Behind that innocently seductive smile, that gentle, helpless demeanour, and quiet, consistent face, I can't tell.

Neither do the way things unfold at the end give a conclusive answer as well. We know quite certainly Yee did. Men are simple, readable creatures mostly.

But as for her, she remained the Mona Lisa with regards to him all the way. Who could tell what the woman was feeling behind that pretty face?

The movie is a classic spy plot, quite generic in its execution and unfolding techniques, but its explorations into the relationship between a man and a woman are brave.

Alas, still, the mystery that is woman.

my ride

2007-10-02T09:38:00.000+08:00

Engine mileage for all to see. Max power @ 5500rpm. Max torque @ 4500rpm. In daily traffic there's usually not a need to go beyond 2500rpm even with the aircon on. Haven't tested max speed yet because I want to change the timing belts before I attempt that :P

Yes and it travels 300km on half a tank of petrol... full tank being 60litres but then, we all know petrol gauges are rarely linear in their sweep :)

love the sinner, hateth the sin?

2007-10-01T11:30:00.000+08:00

This write-up is a response to the article Homosexual friends: Let's fight the hypocrisy on YOUTHink, The Straits Times 1st Oct 2007.

I read with much interest your claims of hypocrisy in trying to apply the truism of ‘love the sinner, hate the sin” to the issue of homosexuality.

As someone who has had a close personal college friend of many years gradually ‘come out of the closet’ with regards to his homosexuality right under my nose, I too have experienced the tension between being this person’s continued close friend and remaining faithful to the values of my belief.

Firstly, I note in your writing about how you felt that “…gay people were just like everyone else, and fully capable of holding stable, loving relationships…”

I agree with you completely on that statement. If I can claim to love the sinner, that would first and foremost mean that I regard him as a ‘normal’ person like myself, and I will not presume that being homosexual predisposes one to ‘abnormal’ or abusive relationships.

However, it seems that what you have been taught about why homosexuality is to be considered an abomination rests merely on these supposed consequences of being gay. The verdict is still out with regards to empirical research as to whether gay relationships are more or less fulfilling and lasting, whether children raised in gay families are better or worse, and so on, and after a while we run into social science problems of how we can measure happiness or fulfillment or good upbringing.

But for want of such objective and scientific conclusions as to whether the phenomena of homosexuality is detrimental to society, there are people like myself who hold on to the notion of homosexuality being an ‘abomination’ simply because it is explicitly so defined by my faith, and that being generally unshakable except by the most fringe interpretations currently existing.

Yes, it is true that many conservative groups may try to emphasize on some empirical research data or perpetuate some presumptions about the effects of homosexuality as a plausible reason for condemning homosexuality. But for clearly grounded practitioners of the faith, the teaching stays because it is absolute, and not dependent on its being proven ‘undesirable’ by man.

Secondly, I would like to address your charges of hypocrisy with regards to ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’. Rather than go into the history or the specific Christian context of the teaching, I would simply state that it is still logically possible to have a separation between the ‘sinner’ and ‘sin’.

‘Sinner’ basically refers to every human person, for according to Christian teaching every human in his natural state tends toward the committing of sin. Thus what this means is that we are to show charitable love to all human beings and wish or do no harm to the person, and watch out for them as ourselves. To love in that sense is not necessarily to adhere or acquiesce to their values and beliefs.

I’d like to also add that ‘not accepting them the way they are’ does not mean discriminating against them or persecuting them, which would clearly not be out of charitable love. They are still members of our secular society, and ought to be treated as so.

Separation between the offender and the offence is being done all the time. In school, for example, students get punished for all sorts of offences and in many ways, but it is not right for the teacher to demean or insult the person. Instead they are to direct the disapproval towards the offence.

What you have done in your article is that because you are either unable to separate the agent and the act itself clearly, or that you understand love to mean acceptance of the other’s values, you respond by redefining homosexuality as no longer being a ‘sin’ to you.

My take on this? As long as we are able to separate the person from the action, there will be no hypocrisy involved, and we can continue to be faithful adherers to our value system and yet responsible members of our secular society.

Treetop walk

2007-09-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday HPFers and TFers from church went on the HSBC Treetop walk... we took the shorter route from Venus Drive and the whole journey was about 7km in total... completed in about 2hours including rest stops...

It's not much of a kick actually... its this very safe, secure suspension bridge... heh.... 250m... and when we look down we can see lots of trees. Of course, for some of them it was quite an experience...

It was some experience. Good exercise, although dinner more than compensated for it.

sample

2007-09-14T11:18:00.001+08:00

Hey here are some pics of my car after washing it

Indulge@home

2007-09-11T17:45:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOODNESS! YUMMY! AND I FINISHED IT ALL! (just the last 3 biscuits) YAYYYY. You guys really have GOT to try it. Bought at Candy Empire but maybe it's cheaper elsewhere.

On obeying authority, and being honest with myself

2007-09-11T09:06:00.001+08:00

Back when I was teaching in school one day, I was at my desk in the staff room, feeling really upset that nothing seemed to be working out... and a reality check came from my other colleagues from related departments...

Is the chaos normal?
Is the fact that maybe just 10% of whatever you try to say gets through normal?
Is it normal that children are so rude and defiant?

Yes it's normal, they say.

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?

"Oh you must understand their family background, etc etc so on and so forth..."

Fair enough, I don't care what happens in their homes or if they've been taught properly. At least within the school there should be some basic standards, or else how is learning ever going to take place?

And that's the reality. To be a teacher now not only do you have to just teach content. Before you can do that effectively, you have to, on your own, build up your own reputation so that they'll actually cooperate with you. And there are two ways: tyranny or 'being their friend'.

Let's talk about 'being their friend'.

The stuff you see on videos is the 'build rapport' thing which means that you need to win them over to get them to do what you want. Sweets, chocolates, patting them on the back when they hand in their work, etc.

That's not in line with what I understood schooling to be, unfortunately. You are supposed to respect derived authority. Period. Whether you eventually respect the teacher personally is another matter altogether.

Now whether the children were taught to respect authority is beyond the teacher's control, but within school at least there needs to be some sort of discipline to reflect that, at least within school, this is the expected standard.

It's like I'm at the mercies of the kid's whim and fancy when it comes to basic things like not talking back, handing in homework, shutting up when I'm talking et al.

Oh and the stare hard at people tactic doesn't work now. There's no sense of decency and embarassment with some of them. They just keep talking or doing their stuff.

Now let's discuss option 1: tyranny

I have seen some of the senior teachers doing that very effectively. But it saps your emotional energy because you get really angry when you keep scolding and punishing them.

Few people have a disposition that seems to indicate they're angry even when they're really not, thus fooling the kids all the time.

And I can't punish people for nuts, I get really really upset when I have to send people out or to detention. I try to detach myself and just do it but it just really makes me feel so bad. And the kids know it, and that I have a very high level of patience and tolerance.

But even if I could stand it, learning is not going to take place if the kids don't get in line, so what's the point?

Only now do I understand how much harder it is to be a teacher, especially in a place where children are spoilt, rude, have no respect for authority, and it's always a tension of people wanting to break loose and wreck havoc and everything is only just barely contained, if at all.

If anything, I realise it's a reflection - a reflection of Singapore's future... and we are rapidly descending into America's public school system ... breaking down and going through the motion... and the worst part is that the poor teachers (including a HOD of mine) in the service for so long don't realise how bad the extent of things are, because they're like the frog in the slow fire cooker... they adapt, and they accept it everytime standards go down bit by bit... whereas for someone like me, whose last dose of school life was 8 years ago or more, to me its such a great, sudden shock.

It's also an indicator of how relative morality is not going to work, because with no yardstick to follow, we just go down bit by bit everytime...

I know I sound like one of those useless people who complains and then doesn't do anything about it, but to me, education is not that important. Killing myself to prop up a secular system that refuses to change... is still a lost cause.

On the other side, the elite schools are getting more elite. Remember the idea of spreading the good students amongst all the schools mooted by a retired civil servant? Would be violently unpopular with the elite parents, and understandably so. Even the Education Minister himself brushed it off, saying something about focusing on niche areas...

Sometimes I can see why people don't want church and state to separate. Education is so important, not just for practical reasons, but also for people's morality, upbringing, and value systems. I dare say that it is only by God's grace that my two brothers have made it through tough neighbourhood schools intact.

So goodbye Public Education Service, I'm out. I respect those who have been there and are still there making a difference. Running after 40 kids and disciplining them, doing their parent's job and then actually having to teach them is not my cup of tea. I do not have this overriding love for children against all the odds.

What does God have in store next, I wonder?

update on project Ah-Peh

2007-09-04T16:56:00.000+08:00

Due to recent financial setbacks... Project Ah-Peh is in serious limboh. Right now all that I can do is to make a list and prioritise what needs to be fixed.

This car is a classic. It's 4.68m long. That's because it's very old school and the car design philosophy was different then. Everything, engine, transmission, etc all were designed in a straight line, unlike today's tall vehicles which stack mechanical components one atop another. And it's relatively low at 1.39m. It's wheelbase is amazing, at 2.72m which later translates into very secure road-holding. The double-wishbones suspensions, though ensuring very good handling in spite of old tyres, eat a lot into the rear cabin room thus the legroom is only slightly better than that of a contemporary upmarket 1.6litre car.

Maximum power is 130PS and even after 16 years it still feels ever-ready to rev and agile, a testament to being a Honda. It's fuel-injected and SOHC so its key advantage is torque. It maxes at 4500rpm with 18.1kgm but actually the curve is such that from idle torque begins from 14kgm and reaches 16kgm by 2000rpm before moving till 18kgm by 4000rpm. This holds out until 5000rpm. All this pulling a weight of about 1250kg. This is all shown graphically below.

And guess what... it has got to be a... manual! What else for the anal-retentive me! It's clutch is quite worn out and needs a bit of accelerator while engaging it... but... hehehe... it rocks!

Btw, the stereo features 4 speakers at the back with very nice wooden boom boxes eating into the trunk... it sounds awesome!

So far, these are the problems it has.

1) Front passenger window can't be lowered completely or it'll misalign when it goes back up.
2) Front window rubber seals are worn, so there's wind noise at 90kmh onwards
(1) & (2) would cost about $300 to fix... bleah

3) Tyres look old and are oversized! The speedometer's reading is 6% slower than reality! So when I was going at 100kmh... it was actually...
(3) it turns out 16" tyres cost $100 a piece! GASP!

4) There's this pathetic "Proton" logo on the 16" alloys - I'd rather have gotten smaller rims and a better brand instead...

5) Alternator belt making interesting sounds tt correspond with engine rev... its getting worn... sigh...

6) Clutch is worn and needs a bit of fuel or pre-rev to engage smoothly. Gearbox feels rough when not warmed up.
(I don't even want to ask how much it'll cost)

I'll post pictures when I actually get down to washing the car lol

Jerry

Some nonsense

2007-09-04T16:31:00.000+08:00

Way long overdue now is my convo picture! *Sigh... don't carry a Prosumer Camera hoping ppl can take pictures for you because they'll get the shake all over... So far this one has survived...

From left to right: My Aunt Janet, Moi, Dom the future PhD (bah! what's this trade course you just graduated from?) and Mom.

It was so exciting because the convo was supposed to start at 10am and I arrived unrobed at 9.45am... haahAHahAha..... but thanks to some kind ppl in the robing room I still managed to make it. Now the whole thing is finally over!

The real world beckons... and oh well... wonder how much longer and how many more resumes I must send before I cease being jobless... not earning your keep is not a nice feeling... but getting a job you feel seems tough... or should we just resign to doing whatever we have before us?

Also, today the 99a53 vjc supper gang (remnants) sent Pok off to the USA... he's going there to study for his Masters and PhD after topping NUS FASS E. Lang... fully paid of course. 5 years. Woah. Here he is standing next to Mr T. Toh, our resident legal advisor. The crazed banker D. Chiam could not be captured on camera.

sunday reflection - back to basics

2007-09-02T19:02:00.000+08:00

I had a good run today. I finally completed 2 rounds around Maha Bodhi, finishing about 2.8km. My physical form has been flopping ever since I started work, with all the stress-related overeating and the lack of energy and discipline to exercise due to a very packed schedule. Now that's all set to change.

The pace, however, was not IPPT passing. But a little bit at a time.

Unfortunately, on the way back I had stepped on some dog poo so I had to spend 15min in the toilet using a defunct toothbrush to scrub away the cakes of excrement from the intricate patterns of my right shoe's contact patch. Imagine, the fine little splatters of poo (after the major cakes are out) that spray out into a repulsive mist of brown after you dig the remaining stubborn swabs out using the ends of the toothbrush bristles, just like how you'd dig out stuff stuck in between your teeth while brushing. Except that everytime the poo splatters into a mist, it seems that the increased contact area of each liberated poo droplet with the air sort of multiplies the overall pungency of the matter.

Not exactly the kind of subject matter you'd like to tackle just before a sumptious dinner prepared by mom, but, yes it happened to me.

I've tendered my resignation and am actively on a job hunt again. I'm looking for marketing positions, media-related and/or writing assignments. Its interesting how different people aim differently when job hunting, both in their expected pay, the types of companies they look for, and the job scopes they consider. I know there's no perfect job, but it should at least match most of your skill sets (read: just ability, not interest) and something you can go to work to everyday.

I know realistically that I'm not a career-minded person, as in I don't envision myself at this post drawing this pay by this age and so on, and tend to be quite clear about the line between work and my personal life. It's not that you can't help out more at the office during peak periods, but there's a line to be drawn for such things. If it happens all too often or the nature of the industry is as such, then it's probably not for me...

You could call it a lazy mindset, very un-model worker like, but I see work as work - a means to earn a living. What's the point of earning enough to enjoy a luxurious lifestyle if you don't have the time or the peace of mind to enjoy it? Rather, keep life simple, and appreciate the family, friends and relationships God has given you... which is a full time job in itself already.

We have a very interesting culture here. Intense work. And intense enjoyment. Is there such a thing?

Intense work I have experienced. But is there such a thing as spending a half an hour quality intensive lunch with your family?

Even if it took place at Westin Stamford, there's no point if all we do is comment on how expensive the food is, and yet we effectively live separate lives. Or an intensive trip to Europe in a week after your bonus? All you do is rush here and there, buying things, not seeing, understanding or appreciating the culture, history and different ways of life they have. Or spending your sweat and blood money on that OSIM chair to solve all the stress you get at work.

"Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work ome from a man's envy of his neighbour. This also is vanity and a striving after wind." - Ecc 4:4 (ESV)

Now this verse is NOT an excuse not to work, because if you look at the context of the following verses :

"The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh. (but) Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind." - Ecc 4:5-6

So work, yes, or you'll not be able to earn your keep. But just remember not to chiong in your work for the sake of chionging. Be responsible, but don't sell your soul. When enough is enough, say it is enough.

But then sets us in perspective about what work is. Christians who say they want to work hard earn lots of money to glorify God to show that Christians can do it - beware!

These thoughts and ideas are my own and how I am led to understand the Bible. I'd welcome comments and thoughts on this.

Dinner time!

Jerry

Lament on leaving teaching

2007-08-30T14:36:00.000+08:00

I whine. I whine. I sit in front of the computer, staring at the large expanse of LCD screen. Symphony 92.4 FM is playing in the background. There is some foreigner singing in some foreign language. It is 1.46pm. I am alone. At home. At my desk.

The operatic singing overwhelms me although I can’t understand what he means. It sounds so sad. It sounds so despairing. Like he had just lost his only true love. Or was questioning the very meaning of his existence. Over and over again he bellows in that powerful voice of his. And the song ends.

How many times have I heard such beautiful singing, and tried in vain to follow the words in my mind, knowing my vocal range is sorely lacking. Or followed the vibrations of the violin as the player’s bow glides across the strings, pretending as though I was making the harmonious melody. Or mimicked the fingers of the distinguished pianist, honed from days and years of dedication at the ebony and ivory perfecting the masterpieces of old.

I always wished I was somewhere else. I always wished I was someone else. I always wished I was something else.

I ask myself, what is a job? What is work? Why do I hate it so much? Am I lazy? Or have I just not found a job that mostly suits my interests and skill sets? Is there such a thing, even? Or is it a matter of the resignation of the idealism that foolish youth carries on into adulthood long after the physical starts to degenerate?

I look around. Many others are diligently at their allocated jobs. Their designated responsibilities. They may not love their jobs, but they are responsible people. Yes indeed, so God had ordained work that one would make a living with his own hands, not being a burden unto others. The command of God is terrible. And more so if disobeyed. But-

No ‘buts’, not especially when God’s command is concerned. Then am I defiant and lazy, risking the wrath of God? Or is this merely a transition?

My socialization kicks in. I look like a quitter. But - which is worse? To come to work unwillingly, unhappily and tired due to lack of sleep every day, or to admit that this is a lost cause and leave?

Who am I defying when I quit? God? Or my socialization?

Some say it’s all in the mind. I must convince myself that I can do it. Then I will do it. That it’s not as bad as I picture it to be. Mind over matter. Don’t pay attention to the fact that almost nothing gets accomplished at the end of an hour of yelling. Don’t admit to the fact that after so long all they’ve improved are their copying skills. Don’t pay attention to the fact that they are in such dire straits but still lack the basic discipline to listen. Just do your part in appearing there. And nevermind that 40 pupils is too big a class size for energetic children with very short attention spans.

Just go through the motion.

For my own interest’s sake? For the pay? That's not for me.

Or maybe I’m doing something wrongly? Give them more colouring assignments? More hands-on work? More fill-in-the-blanks and other stuff to copy? Keeps them occupied. But then I ask myself - is learning actually taking place?

Perhaps I was deluding myself all the long. Do I hate kids? But no, I don’t hate kids. I just feel so unequipped to do anything to help their situation while I have to see them in such circumstances like a classroom. And I can’t bare to go through the motion.

See them after class, remedial, extra lessons? Counselling? Did that and I must say it’s much more effective. Then why meet in the classroom in the first place? 200 students. 150 in need of individual attention. Something larger is not right.

Then you tell me that this is quite normal. Now my mind is completely made up. Sorry, but no way am I going to accept this as normal and I won’t be a part of this degenerative self-denial. I have pity for my students and the others who go through this and wake up too late.

But anyway, who ever said education was to be a societal equalizer? Who perpetuated that myth? That false lie? That bright, shining lie which keeps things the way they are, leaving the existing power structures intact.

Then God gently beckons. Has He not ordained the lives of all mankind? From the elite to the humble? And given them gifts and circumstances as He sees fit?

Where then, will we see the end of the poverty, of misery, of depravity, of inequality, of broken homes, ruined lives, of souls depraved and lacking in joy and purpose?
That which we long for, we must wait and find in Heaven.

So it is with a heavy heart, and begging much forgiveness, that I need to say I’m leaving after just a short month. Education is only a means to an end. And the ultimate end isn’t about head knowledge.

Take care. And God bless.

project Ah-Peh

2007-08-05T22:39:00.001+08:00

It's been more than a month since my last update. Birthday's come and gone, and I'm 25 now. Mid-twenties. Shudder.

Just started full time work teaching at Junyuan Sec, and its quite a culture shock. Should I try to be their friend in order to get them to do the things I want? There's absolutely no sense of authority at all. I shouted my voice hoarse and now I'm wondering who will listen to a whimpering teacher.

Changed from a 9-yr-old to a 16-yr-old car. A classic 2.0l manual Honda Accord. Clutch is worn out and the rubber seals on the windows are worn so it gets noisy at speed. Occassional fan belt noise. Shock absorbers are worn out. 16inch tyres have punctures. I can imagine this being 'Project Ah-Peh" ... it'll be the terror when its all done up. Quite a wide turning circle too.

Life's been very busy with work, take-home work, BSF and lots of church things going on during the weekends too.

Will talk more again during national day break. Tata!

Does Islam have an issue with the secular public space?

2007-06-25T10:55:00.000+08:00

Different societies have different concepts of freedom of expression. In Singapore it is taught that this freedom must be exercised responsibly - meaning - that it must be restrained according to the sensibilities of the potential effect of the communication on significant segments of the public, not to incite or 'stir-up' unhappiness or ill-will amongst different classes of society.

However, such an operating definition when applied leads to unfair allocation and suppression of public expression in a manner which is prejudicial to some segments of the population.

How so?

This is because the way by which we define a communication that is worthy of censure from the public space to be one which would incite or stir up ill-will, and what it is that would incite ill-will depends pretty much on the individual group's tolerance for communication that is prejudicial towards that group.

Let us cite certain examples - Jesus Christ, the defining historical character of the Christian faith, has been mocked and insulted in songs, movies so many times, sometimes by members of other faiths, sometimes from within. But the majority of the Christian reaction to recent controversies like "The Da Vinci Code" has been one that, though vocal of its inaccuracies, and responsive in issuing counters and clarifications, has by and large been respectful of the secular public space in which general society operates. By that we mean public functions, locations, cinemas, books, bookstores and so on.

We recognize very clearly the need to protect this 'secular space' in which a society of different faiths needs to operate.

We do not call for Da Vinci or books making controversial claims about Christianity to be banned. We don't demand apologies, retractions, or issue death threats to the authors or movie-producers. We don't comment on who the Queen of England knights (yes - Elton John's a gay and with the Queen as someone significant in the Anglican church, we're sad, but...)

Mind you, its not because we're wimpish or weak-faithed, or worse, hypocrites. It's just that its not binding on non-believers to behave and observe what we Christians are supposed to observe. I remember some Catholic parishes calling on their faithful not to watch Da Vinci. And in other churches too there was sparked a rapid response of clarification and explanation about the controversies raised in the movie. But that's quite different from demanding it from being banned from cinemas and protests all that.

Is God soft on blasphemy now? Hardly. For people who believe in Him, its their duty to continue in fear and reverence and not participate in it. Just like other forms of worldliness that have been clearly renounced. Its just that we recognize we can't force other people who don't believe in Him to behave as if they do. So yea, no forced closing down of gay bars and bombing of abortion clinics and such stuff either. The rest of the public just continues to do what they want to, at their own peril of course.

No other line puts it more simply than this : In the end, it's between you and God on Judgement Day.

'Crazy' or 'conservative' holy-moly people might continue to warn you from it, but nobody can force you if you don't believe its wrong.

Free will is such a wonderful gift eh?

Unfortunately, with examples of the reactions to 'the Satanic Verses', 'the Danish Cartoons', 'the knighting of Rushdie' it seems that even in Europe this public space in which secular society operates is in threat. Could this be because Islam cannot tolerate blasphemy, even if not done by non-believers? If that were so, then whose fault is it? Islam, or the concept of the secular public space? It would seem that Islam cannot exist in a secular society. Must the secular public space be altered and curtailed to suit the sensitivities of the Islamic faith?

Islam says conversion cannot be forced. If that were true, what rationale is there to force non-believers to behave like Muslims?

But still, in Singapore double standards exist - people cannot comment (although tactlessly) about dogs in taxis (is it a culture/tradition or religious teaching?) but Da Vinci, technically extremely blashphemous and insulting to the divinity of Jesus Christ, can play in cinemas and this is only because Christians respect the secular public's right of expression.

I say, defend our right to secular expression in public space - we Christians play by and respect those rules - why can't adherents of other faiths? I know eventually my God is powerful enough to settle accounts with those who have defamed Him, in the end.

And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them. - Luke 9:5

2007-06-25T10:16:00.001+08:00

Ah... the school term has started. But I'm still at home, living the life of a taitai... I wonder, did my posting letter get lost? Can't be... MOE has sent me stuff before and that rules out incorrect postal address... Or maybe I'll get posted in AFTER the NIEers leave the schools after their short 4-week stint in school

Over the past week I sent them email, tried to call their hapless telephone line... argh... I could become a stalker with so much time on my hands. Well, a plus is that I get to attend BSF for the first few weeks in leisurely peace.

BSF is starting! Every Monday and Tuesday for the next 5 weeks... my group of initial 13 people has shrunk to 5... so I might end up combining with other group... still have some issues with the fast paced going through of questions required... in fact sometimes I find that I do it so methodically with my eye on the clock that I miss the whole point of it!

One day at a time, one day at a time...

something from HPF to consider:

In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider: God also hath set the one over against the other, to the end that man should find nothing after him. - Ecc 7:14

God is righteous and fair... we just need to trust Him that it'll be done in His timing.

I like to talk about myself

2007-06-16T09:09:00.000+08:00

Hey! Its been quite a long while since I last blogged. Ironic considering I'm jobless and bumming around at this point. I'm waiting for my contract teaching period to start. Been living the 'taitai' life basically... the occasional GSS outing... I played LAN yesterday (OMGosh! Jerry playing LAN?) with Weijian & Co. and adopted a self-styled avatar called "tv"... btw, 6 frags out of 15 games is total rubbish, I know... yeah blame it on the Carbine the guy is dead centre in front of me and somehow no matter what the crosshair says the spurts of fire aren't killing him... :P

Morning runs at East Coast, Bedok Reservoir Park, and swims at the cloudy Hougang pool before tuition... woah I'm gonna miss all this when I start working... (which is, incidentally, in a week's time)

Also caught Spidey 3 on Monday at the weird timing of 9.50pm... heh... it was better than expected... and we could relate Spidey to some real-life people we know :)

Cleaned up some old ISOs from my PC... dun use my PC as often as I used to anymore now that I have my revived laptop... also... my DVD-RAMs from Japan just arrived courtesy of dz. They came in cartridges that were thankfully removable. 3xspeed Double-sided for a total of 9GB of usable data area... of course the flipping to side B has to be done manually... the dye looks like phase change technology with many streaks running at intervals along the surface.

Unfortunately, I've been having problems trying to get my ftp server to work from behind my router. Tried different ports and different server software but to no avail. But the port translation has been done successfully before for purposes of torrents and msn... so.... ???

There. I love talking about myself on my blog. After all, who could stand it if I told one single individual all the above things about my life at one shot? :) and this was only the summarised version...

oRd loh! Carefree days are over...

2007-05-26T08:53:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time. It's not that I neglected my blog. But on the last 2 occasions I tried to blog somehow things got interrupted, utterly destroyed, some parts of the web toolbar (like the picture loading options) failed to load, and so on. Just got so utterly pissed.

So many things have happened. Taiwan and back as mentioned previously. Malacca and back. I'm pleased to say that ye olde Soluna hit 140km/h on the downhill on the journey back. Tyres are incredibly noisy though. And it would seem that higher octane petrol really does last slightly longer...

Spent most of Malacca trip roaming around the town, tourist sights, sea sights, city area, Jonker Walk, Mahkota Parade, etc etc. I dig their chendol.

Drats it happened again. The upload picture window jammed on me. BLEAH! ok no photos then.

btw, I've decided to start using my Friendster account since I keep getting irritating nagging msgs about it anyway, so here goes www.friendster.com\praisevariants

maybe I'll start updating and tidying it up... who knows... *hah*

Had a call from Ms Goh from VJ it seems that there's no way I'll be going for contract teaching in a JC halfway through the year... so no GP for at least half a year... oh well.... by God's grace let's just see where I'll go... I'd like to ask for an easier posting and I pray I won't get such a 'tough' place... but more importantly I pray for strength to go through whatever it is that gets thrown at me.

Oh yes - 21 days left of full-time NSF came and went. Officially collected my IC yesterday with Henry the medic. Got a sprained foot. Bought a new pair of New Balance PT shoes. Chatted up with some old coursemates. Made a few new friends at the guardroom. Basically whiled my time away. Btw, BDE is much slacker than it used to be. The bunks are absolutely filthy. IPPT pass rate is so low. No I don't like regimentation at all but even the basic standards are not being met... zero discipline. And I'm getting fatter no thanks to the portions of food at the cookhouse, no matter how gross.

My tuition kid did alright for his exams Thank God... but we've still got vocab and comprehension skills to work on...

BSF leader meetings every Monday have been edifying... every since school ended I've never been as disciplined in doing any form of written work for a long time... practising leading a discussion group has also been very helpful. Praise God! Still have some church admin stuff hounding me though.... *sheepish smile*

My laptop's been fully revived with an expensive 7200rpm harddisk and I'm going to gradually shift all my usage to it... its got that irritating jammed F1 key that always gets on my nerves though... and the PC mouse has a crazy self-doubleclick syndrome...

There. Only 1 month left before I start work at a school. At this point in time I don't even know what school I'm going to. Or whether my application for teaching award has been successful.

Life isn't going to be the same anymore. The way we look at things here and there, and reminscence - only 1 thing stays the same. God be with us. Amen :)

they say that in the army

2007-05-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

Back from Taiwan... and a major spending spree... not entirely because of the trip though

Spent $950 on the tour itself
$300 on the really AWESOME C5050Z with F1.8 super bright lens (Thank God!)
$185 on a 7200rpm laptop HDD to replace the dead one in my laptop.
$335 to repair the car aircon which had a cooling coil which leaked refridgerant

So if you see me scrimping and whining.... you know why... haha.... my bank account dropped to new lows and its been making me quite shaky. Btw my car aircon is like a freezer now. Good JOB i Love it :)

Taiwan is an interesting place... think of it as a much more orderly and civilized Malaysia...

Right now I'm serving the nation... for 21 more days haha... have some really sian sentry duty have to stay overnight for the next 3 days but after that things should be a breeze... new HQ CSM seems like a nice chap... talks to me like I'm reservist... cool...

At first I was feeling quite miserable but Thank God... things are ok here... just the next 3 days of sentry at a different camp but at least there are facilities to shower.

getting it out

2007-04-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

its Saturday night.

A good time to reflect on certain things. Just finished with HPF anniversary. Amazing that Rev. Robert pointed out there're 366 "fear nots" in the Bible. One for each day.

My last lesson in school ever was yesterday. CS446. With a presentation. Ended with such a bang. What now? Out into the world... job hunt? Settle in teaching?

Rev Robert was busy chatting with me about his path to full-time ministry and how he intended to propose an internship programme for people considering entering ministry. But still, he recounted of how, for him at least, having worked substantially in the corporate world better equipped him to be a pastor as in he could relate directly to the people he was counselling...

Priorities. God as the ultimate priority. Serve God through the church. Through ministering to others. Serving others.

Seems things are gonna be quite busy. Monday is "the last hurrah" as Dr Cherian put it. FYP oral defence. Following week is exams on Monday and Tuesday. Friday is zao down to Taiwan with Weijian and parents.

Come back already, then is rest a few days then go back army camp for 3 wks to serve finish remnants of NSF. Come out in June. The REAL last hurrah. July go start contract teaching.

Wonder how things are on your side.

Jerry

Temporality

2007-04-10T10:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder - it's probably much easier to die for Christ than to live.

It was Saturday and we had some personal sharing after some lessons on Ecclesiastes.

The context was about Solomon, the purported writer of that Book. God told Solomon He would grant him anything he desired, and he asked for wisdom. Thus he was the wisest man under heaven ever. And with wisdom the recognition of the futility and sadness of this world.

So our teacher asked us - "If God would grant you one wish, what would you ask for?"

I asked to go straight to heaven and people looked at me like I was talking funny. Somehow there's a sort of melancholy about the way I see life nowadays. What does it mean to be a sojourner on this earth? Is it possible to take joy and happiness in the things we have now? Can we honestly do that when we know everything will eventually come to nothing?

I've felt it before. When you get so attached to something that you throw everything else out the window... its dangerous what we fix our hearts on.

I want to keep my heart beyond the things of this world. The world is merely for getting by - by the grace of God. Can we boast any bit about our accomplishments, our achievements, our great legacies? It all comes to nothing. Nothing. Striving and labouring... in the end all comes to nothing.

Post-FYP

2007-04-03T10:06:00.000+08:00

It's April.

Let's address the items from my previous post.

FYP came and went in a bang. So much for all that. Now it's about whether it's going to pull my grade down or not. But I had fun. The many overnights with Simon redoing and redoing the layout. Heh. Picked up quite a few more InDesign skills and improved efficiency. Somewhat. Have to learn to plan better ahead with more detailed master pages and use paragraph styles.

MOE is settled. Going in on July if nothing else comes up. So far, none of the resumes I sent out has had any sort of reply. *sigh*

Massage was fantastic. Had a sauna then some oil stuff then this mainland Chinese woman gave a very forceful effort with lots of strength. Especially on the calves. What made it really great was that I was having a little bit of leg aching after doing the treadmill the previous day at 2.4km speed for an extended period of time... So it was quite timely indeed...

Too bad its so ex or I'd go regularly. Heh.

Congrats to WJ on his new weekend car. Chevrolet Aveo Hatchback 1.4 with really spanking good looking 14inch rims.

Exams on 23rd and 24th Apr. I'm resuming the last 3 weeks of my NS in May after coming back from Taiwan with Weijian n folks.

Visited the dentist.... after a lapse of 4 years! He says I've been brushing off the enamel of my 2 front teeth... it won't be white anymore. LOL. I wonder if I should go for wisdom tooth extraction and time it with my NS ... HAHA... but its ex... at least $300

Watched "Phantom of the Opera" on Thursday night with my little bro (okay, JC1 is not little)... its just a term of reference. Just like how MTV means "music video" and hence it was ruled mtv.com.sg was not trademark infringement of MTV the company. So in the end MTV had to buy the address from that cybersquatter :)

Filling out some irritating accident report form... i tapped the bumper of someone's Camry the other night on the expressway in a traffic jam... and he was adamant that he was going to send it back to Borneo (motors) to get it checked although the most if could have been was a scratch. Nothing was visible as anyway his car's rear bumper is higher than mine. What could happen at 5km/h anyway?

Yes it's still my fault I know... but he went on complaining about how he just resprayed his whole car (did he just have an accident?) and all that. I said why not you try the reverse sensor but he refused. Anyway I got quite fed up and just told him to claim insurance. Then his wife make so much noise ask me to sign some statement saying its my fault. Really... try to bully me ah... I told her goodbye after exchanging drivers' particulars. So here I am filling this thing up in case he really finds something to repair... and I'm backed up by photos in case he tries to be funny...

I've let ppl who've bumped and scraped my car off at least 4 times when I knew I clearly would have been able to claim money or repair from them... because to me the car is meant to be functional for use... and such things are inevitable... as a daily driver I know things do happen and ppl have been nice to me before... as long as its not substantial or functional damage I just let it off

For the love of God, I don't find happiness in making ppl pay and bleed when its just a small mistake... we must learn not to attach ourselves too much to our precious objects... even our cars :P

But I guess other ppl value different things differently...

Been having talks with various ppl abt God, faith et al. About struggles and stuff. There's also been a lot of reflecting going on after the sober video on Calvinism. About rebirth and salvation. It's hard to be a Christian sometimes, especially when you lose sight of Jesus and heaven. And you get clogged up and muddled in all the confusion in between. But never give up. As long as we obey the Spirit rather than ourselves, it will be all so easy to experience what Jesus promised -

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:30

Till next time (which I suspect will be real soon)

Jerry, pest and recalcitrant.

life without you

2007-03-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

fyp's picking up.

finally. I've been skiving so much with so many things going on.

So has the sending out of CVs and cover letters.

I'm going to do two things tomorrow -

1) attend MOE appointment briefing. They're only offering me a 1 yr teaching contract.

2) FREE $120 back massage at this Spa place voucher courtesy of Ning heh. Thanks lots. Let's see if its worth $120

3) tuition

I'm trying my best to busy myself for now... Don't know how to get the closure... or whether I really want to...

hai. does it have to be this way?

*silent confusion*

Be a Barnabas

2007-03-11T16:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, those little nuggets and hidden facts from the Bible really amaze you. And no its not trivia, but rather, a small little fact with really profound implications and of great teaching and encouragement value... Thanks Wing for sharing this!

And Joses, who by the apostles was surnamed Barnabas, (which is, being interpreted, The son of consolation,) a Levite, and of the country of Cyprus, Having land, sold it, and brought the money, and laid it at the apostles' feet. - Acts 4:36-37

The case of the Levite Barnabas

At the end of Acts Chap 4 verses 36-37, it talks about a Levite Joses whom the apostles surnamed Barnabas - a Levite.

Now a Levite is of the priestly class in Jewish society - they're the sons of Aaron. They were called by God to be His priests and were to have no land inheritance.

So this Levite, having had land to his name was probably a very comfortable and well to do priest who had slacked off and decided to get some earthly wealth and inheritence of his own by buying some land, rather than fulling depending on God.

But then, upon hearing about the gospel of Christ preached by the apostles, he gave up this land, sold it, and laid it at the apostles' feet for redistribution amongst those in the young church.

It must have been initially ironic and perhaps embarassing for Barnabas to go to the apostles and admit that he had land to sell in the first place! But its in true humility, repentance and turning from the old ways to Christ's call that he did it, and its truly of the Holy Spirit~

Even for this Levite who had gone worldly, upon conviction by the Holy Spirit of truth he took action to cease his worldly ways and return to the faithful service of God.

It's quite a wake-up call for myself and perhaps those who feel like me in some ways too.

We know what its all about, the saving grace, peace and true joy and happiness. And once we gloried and went on in it. But somehow being in the world dulls our fire and enthusiasm and somehow, 1 foot gets stuck back into some of the worldliness that surrounds and permeates us.

Admitting which parts of our lives is compromise of God's standards is hard. We don't want to see it, or admit it, or draw the line.

But hey, a persecutor of Christians like Saul could become a Paul, a lukewarm Levite could become a Barnabas. We must never give up.

:)

up early

2007-02-28T06:46:00.000+08:00

(something's weird with this new upgraded blogger on my PC. No matter how many times I click "remember me" after typing in my login details the cookie will somehow forget me the next time I try to logon to it again...)

Was trying to resolve the inability to logon my brother's laptop onto the windows workgroup last night when I KOed in the aircon room on the bed... that must have been before 10pm but thank God I slept all the way and awoke at 5am... at least 7 hours of solid uninterrupted sleep amen!

Went for a jog to Red Swastika and halfway back... quite slow but okay I covered more distance than I did my previous round more than a week ago...

Had a New Year mahjong session at Jan's place... combined with betty to win $1 after playing... 2 winds I think. Her hand is super lucky and we were actually quite up until the final round when we got killed by Sam. Somehow, the thrill is kinda reduced when you win and you gotta keep checking with others as to how much you've won... but that's how lousy we are :P

watched "Just Follow Law" at bishan GV after that with the same gang @ $6 per pax... initially I found it quite clique with the usual stuff like lame jokes, stereotypes, a softporn scene.... but hey... its supposed to be a fun movie and maybe I'm thinking too much. Fann Wong is really hilarious being a guy but I suppose Gurmit had the harder job of trying to be a "niang niang qiang"... but he was quite good as an ah-beng initially gotta give him credit and noone really remembers he's not actually Chinese ? The product endorsement was way too obvious... just like the American Idol judges sipping fluids from their big "Coca-Cola" cups...

FYP's moving very slowly... that's what happens when you're too dependent on too few sources... but on the printing side I've gotten some quotes so that's not too bad. Ok there's still hope! :) *2-side saddle stitch gibberish blahblah etc*

Car-speak
Tested and proven - listening to Jay Chou while driving makes you drive faster lol

yesterday was Jay Chou on the way to simon's place... and back... zipping through traffic and taking the curves without a flutter.

The new shocks are good although I should have specified new springs to go along with it... the old ones are just not progressive enough and still exhibit too much float for my liking. Maybe in the very distant future.

The suspension helped a lot with grip but reduced fuel consumption efficiency by a little because of a better contact patch.

Still getting used to the small spec tall sidewall tires - but I'm not willing to change the 13inch alloys already in place... so maybe at the next tyre change I'll get the grippiest 13incher I can find :) but the reduced rolling radius also helps fuel consumption

Manual is excellent for speed control around curves without resorting to braking and frees you to power exit heh. The moving off from stationary is still irritating though with the clutch linkage/warp? problem... but that's still something quite distant in the future

The light weight does wonders for the acceleration which is very brisk due to little transmission loss and there's hardly a need to step too hard on the gas because the 1.5litre engine has plenty of pulling power

Brakes-wise the stopping power is terrible especially since it's so easy to speed in this car... can't help going fast...! lol. Rotors which are quite grinded need to be changed when the pads wear out

I like my tinted windows :P

Maybe I should send the car in for soundproofing also...

Btw, my car stereo sucks big-time ... even a newly burnt CDR also can skip... sianz... but stereos are expensive to change... just have to live with it

Ok... back to InDesign

Seeya around!

My new ride with tinted windows @@

2007-02-27T02:06:00.000+08:00

Toyota Soluna GLi (1st gen)

Yr of mfg: 1998

Transmission: 5-speed manual

Mileage @ handover: 144500 km

Date of ownership: 23 Jan 2007

COE expiry: Dec 2008

Chassis: AL50

Kerb weight: 880kg

Length: 4175 mm

Width: 1660 mm

Height: 1380 mm

Wheelbase: 2380 mm

Clearance: 150mm

Engine: 5A-FE (EFI)
Displacement : 1498 cc
Power: 93.8 hp @ 5600rpm
Torque: 12.6 kgm @ 4800 rpm

Fuel tank: 45 litres

Brakes: Ventilated discs / drums

Suspension: MacPherson strut / Torsion beam

Shocks: Monroe spec

Tyres: 185/70R13 85T M+S

Alloy rims: 13 x 5.5 JJ

anal

2007-02-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

Some people, it seems, in spite of all the consumer education and common sense in the world, will still have irrational tendencies. Especially when it comes to money.

They're the type who would happily scrimp as much money as they can get their hands on and hide it under their pillow. Cash is king. So to speak. Even if its at the opportunity cost of something worth more.

Take X. X has 2 options, a salary raise, or a brand new company car. Even the lousiest new car is going to cost at least $400/ month in installments. But no, X wants a measly raise of $300/mnth. Which works out to just a $260/mnth after our paternalistic government's intervention. Instead of something that would have been worth at least $400 /mnth. Why? Is there an intrinsic value with holding more cash in hand only to spend it away? Maybe. Who knows....

Of course liquidity is best. But is it worth sacrificing something potentially worth 30% more in value just for the sake of liquidity? How about the time value of money? Ah.... X didn't consider that having more of a lesser amount's worth of cash on hand rather than in kind means more depreciation on X's hands.....

Well.... I'm done ranting... heh

And btw, X would rather make 3 people take public transport that comes once every 20min and takes a long snaking half an hour route for a 10 minute commute by car because X is too.... lazy to drive.

Journey by public transport:
83 cents x 3 = $2.49 x 2 trips = $4.98.

Journey by car:
Shortest route (one-way) = 4.37 km (5 km after generous allowance)
So, travel 10km at a conservative fuel consumption of 13km/litre (my car's average is usually 16km/litre) = 0.78 litres of petrol
0.78 litres x current price of petrol @ $1.30/litre = $1.00
So, $1 petrol + $2 parking (assume we stay 2 hours there) = Grand total cost=$3

Time saved: Priceless

Sorry. I just had to do it. Hah. Hah. Hah.

still vulnerable

2007-02-18T11:38:00.000+08:00

its been quite a week.

I slept at 1am and awoke at 5... couldn't go back to sleep cause I had eaten too much... so I decided to go for a jog... think I covered about 3km plus... but I'm super sleepy now as a result...

on Friday I went all the way to school in the morning and almost skipped CS446. For one, I was preparing a very sloppish presentation on media outlets in Germany for the German professor...

but i felt super sian and had a severe bout of that 'I just wanna run home feeling' coming all over me...

must have been a combination of factors coming from all over the place.... the r/s thing, running around feeling miserable, being behind in my readings... fyp...

but thank God rach psychoed me enough to stay on and encouraged me a lot....

I was actually packing up to go off as I had called my mom and complained I didn't feel like going for lesson and she was like "then come join me for lunch!" - my mom rocks :)

but i managed to stay also because rach helped me quite a bit and gave me some wiki bits to add to my presentation. Thanks so much!

After class it was a church guys' night out and the 4 of us ate and ate and ate. Chicken rice with dishes at Upper Bukit Timah road hawker area opposite Beautyworld, Island Creamery at Serene Centre, then some dimsum along Upper Thomson Road on the way to Nee Soon camp. We had heart to heart sharing, chatting, advice and encouragement all round, and all concluded in unison -

The Christian life may be full of struggle as we grapple with issues of how to live in a God-pleasing manner in all aspects of our life... be it work, school, family, relationships... but then, struggle is a sign we're alive

dead things don't struggle

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. - John 16:33

eyes on the prize

2007-02-14T03:16:00.000+08:00

Thought this year it would be different.

Thought I'd finally share it with the one who'd be with me till my dying day.

Thought at last this desert of love would find its sweet oasis

Thought I wouldn't have to go through this life with my other half missing from my side.

What was this event to me anyway? Social pressure

What was the significance of this day anyway? Profitteering off people's foolishness

What of the lovey-dovy all over the TV and radio, and moving off people's lips?
Just an important day on the retail market's calendar.

What does it mean to me now? As it always had meant to me. None of my business.

Why were we so different and yet together?

Why did I believe that we could conquer the inconquerable, without God in our hearts?

Why did we have to meet, if we were ever to part?

Why give me memories that linger so bitter when I call upon them to well up in the depths of my soul?

Was I undeserving?

Was it you who drove me away?

Was it something I didn't say?

Was it the torture that kept me awake night and day?

But you weren't treating me right

But you weren't being honest about the things you said

I got tired of the lies and games

And said "if this is heaven, send me to hell"

Dear God,

I've learnt my lesson. I didn't ask for certain things, nor was I seeking them, but by following on I complied. My already wavering testimony was shamed even more. I let things get the better of me. I explained myself away. I compromised. I should have known better. I wanted to rush things myself. You - are in charge of all things, and they'll come to pass in Your good time.

Next time,

I'll find someone who deserves me

I'll find someone who is true to me

I'll not give myself away so easily

I'll make sure she actually likes me for me

So dear Lord in heaven this I pray:

That Your Will I may always obey

That You'll send someone true to You and me my way

That in the meantime on You I'll wait

That though I be alone or otherwise on You my heart will always stay

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."- Proverbs 31:30

Lawyer gives marital advice

2007-02-13T21:37:00.000+08:00

it was quite an interesting make-up biz law class today. the lecturer said something very fun:

(paraphrased)

"I always tell my male students - if you're talking about marriage ah, and you're not sure if she's the one... you must make VERY VERY sure ok.... VERY VERY sure"

we gave him a silly look. what was he doing giving us marital advice...

"... for the ladies... I always tell them nevermind if you're not sure... no harm trying... not the one then nevermind. Why do I say all this? Because of this law called the - "

"WOMAN'S CHARTER" I answered happily...

"Oh? I've told you guys already ah?"

"no..."

"yeah when a marriage goes sour this piece of legislation will make the guy suffer like crazy financially"

(please check the legalnet for details)

Hurhur. Wise words from a lawyer...

"I believe God wants you to learn something from this whole thing" - A close friend

2007-02-12T08:55:00.000+08:00

Its been a tumultuous month of absence from my blog...

FYP's getting the last minute jitters.

Too much of an emotional roller coaster...

The "new" car's doing great... ownership takes on a new meaning when your wallet's burning.

Feel vulnerable. Manipulated. Taken for a ride. Too many love songs. Too much rose tinting on my rather damaged glasses. As it is, the rose layer is peeling and cracking. Like a shattering mirror. And the world is blunt, jagged and contorted.

Why? Because I had strayed from God's ways and wisdom. God was nowhere in the picture.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." - Isaiah 55:8

How this truth keeps resonating in me now. How painfully I've made myself aware of it. That I went against and grieved the Holy Spirit. That I had failed to stand up when the situation came.

I am ashamed to face God.

I ignored even sound advice from different figures in my life. And church and Christian friends who meant well. But thank God for these people whom He has put in my life, because they've been there for me always.

"For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great." - Psalm 25:11

Can't keep trying to stand on my own anymore. I'm so tired. Should never have strayed.

But what happens now? Oh God I pray, lead me back onto You, and never let me go. Your not-so-prodigal son is in need of Your mercy and grace.

I want to live for Your sake. Cause its the only thing that's worth living for.

Thank God for His mercies, grace and blessings. In Jesus's name.

Amen

on blogging

2007-01-13T07:48:00.000+08:00

I realise that having an open blog means you can't be entirely forthcoming with your blog entries. It's not that I have anything to hide, but rather that sometimes certain thoughts are just that... passing thoughts. Musings. Dwellings. Or temporary, hot anger. Stuff that eventually cools down and lets off. So putting it on record is definitely not a good way of letting it go. Putting it on public record for other people to read and see what may have been some past whining that you'd rather let go of is even worse.

Always remember the old story of this ancient person who wronged you terribly and you want to forgive but just hope that you'd rather not see this person anymore? So keeping a remembrance of what wrong this person has done to you in your bedroom is one sure way of keeping the anger alive. Blogging has a catharsis effect. But better to shout it out or whine to a close one than to keep it in permanence.

Just like old photos of my car. And old photos of other... things... Mementos. Certain songs. Old letters.

But I'm not saying its bad to keep remembrances.

Actually, its more of the state of the heart. If deep down inside you've truly let go of something - you'd remember the joy, the happiness, the lessons learnt from whatever that episode was, when you look upon that remembrance or trigger.

But when you're still hurting, out of sight is still good for dealing with it. For the time being at least. So you can sort your thoughts out.

But once you've let go of something, would you still want to blog about it? :)

But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. - 1 Corinthians 7:29-31

contemplate

2007-01-05T10:40:00.000+08:00

The Corrs - Dreams

Now here you go again you say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had, and what you lost

Yeah, thunder only happens when it's raining
and players only loved you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know
You'll know

Now here I go again I see the crystal vision
Well I keep my visions to myself
Well it's only me that wants to wrap around your dreams
and have you any dreams you'd like to sell
Dreams of loneliness, like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you have yeah and what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
and players only love you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know
You'll know...

Saigon

2006-12-10T14:52:00.000+08:00

Scatological
For the upset stomachs, food poisonings, gastrics and other weird things happening to Lyn n my digestive systems.... dunno if it was the ice-cubes, too much beef or whatever...

Play-by-ear
entails the ability to change plans last minute and to be flexible as according to the situation. Also a license to be indecisive.

Very Good. Excellent.
To be said at every step of the journey. In all situations. And circumstances

You say it best. When you say nothing at all.
A very nice song takes on a new meaning as the trip goes on.

Durian
The typhoon with the Esplanade namesake decided to come along when we had found the perfect beach resort

Just whack
Just whack lah. Think so much for what? Whatever needs to be considered has been considered. Now make the decision based on whatever knowledge there is!

I raise you
too much beer n cards. I fold.

by faith

2006-11-23T15:26:00.000+08:00

got scolded "freaking hell" over msn today. And it wasn't jokingly. Don't think I deserved it. Don't know what to make of it.

A side of me says I should just totally ignore every form of contact. But it just feels so bitter.

But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. - 1 Cor 7:28

haiz. why do we insist on looking for trouble? but hey, I don't regret it one bit. Because i believe God knows what's good for me and will provide accordingly. Just have to trust Him.

:)

Sleepless about upgrading

2006-11-09T12:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just wonder, is closing your eyes and automatically breathing in and out yet being somehow still conscious considered light-sleep? Because I seem to get into that state once in a while. Like now.

CS401 was such a sad flop. Had under 15min for the last question. Now I remember why I don't bother studying so much for anything anymore. It all boils down to one simple thing - I write too slowly. Which is such a horrible waste. For the exam system. Why bother to have so many insights and ideas if there's a lack of time with which to write them all down? They just wanna test fastest fingers first. Either that or just write down your very best points.

I had to cut off some details from that dialog between CSJ and LHL. Didn't write as much as I wanted to for the school bombing photograph consideration either. But for the Greatful Dead copyright case I tried my best to dish out the 'record of history' defence I gathered from that President Gerald Ford case study. How cunning of Cenite to post the judgement on that case immediately after the exam.

But oh well, my only really serious exam this year is over. CS411 is really non-muggable. Just insights, careful consideration of worldviews, observations, and open-mindedness. Hey I wish all my subjects were like that! But of course, there's a time for hard skills, technical knowledge, and convention-learning, and a time for "Wide-open debate and reflection on life in general".

ADM240 is like learning a new language. I didn't take it too well that the Prof Kate didn't exactly agree with the point of my presentation - because I refused to follow the conventional interpertation of some of the overt symbols in Picasso's Guernica... I basically pointed out that guessing the meaning of a painting was a very painful and vague experience - not something entirely wise to be doing in a art class eh? :)

I'm really feeling the pinch of the lack of Tuesday midweek church meetings, CF meetings in school with Mich and Sunday morning bible classes... I realise I have no self-discipline to do God's word on my own... gotta start waking up...

Here's a really insightful article from Today Nov 15 2006 Pearly pointed out to me (emphasis mine):

Wait longer for upgrading funds

'Naive' Opposition MPs 'misheard' PAP's message
Loh Chee Kong cheekong@mediacorp.com.sg

IT'S been more than six months since the General Election but Opposition MP Chiam See Tong has not forgotten the multi-million-dollar carrot offered by the People's Action Party (PAP). Yesterday, the Potong Pasir MP tabled a question in Parliament asking if the Government was willing to release 45 per cent of the $80 million it had promised for the upgrading of Housing Board estates in his constituency, since PAP candidate Sitoh Yih Pin had won 45 per cent of the vote.

However, even with the help of fellow Opposition MP Low Thia Khiang, Mr Chiam got nowhere with his request.

Saying that she was "puzzled" by his request, Minister of State for National Development Grace Fu asked: "Does it mean that he should share his chair with Mr Sitoh, 55 per cent to 45 per cent, in this Parliament? And if we take the logic further, does it mean that he should also share his MP allowance with Mr Sitoh?"

Since residents in Potong Pasir did not elect Mr Sitoh, "they should not stand to benefit from any surpluses that are generated", she said.

But who approved such requests from PAP candidates, Mr Chiam asked.
Mr Low, Hougang MP and Workers' Party chief, then leapt to Mr Chiam's support.

"The surpluses are generated by the PAP and the people have no part in it?" he asked. "And don't forget, the people in Potong Pasir and Hougang also pay taxes and the Goods and Services Tax. Your justification's logic is selfish and partisan."

Mr Low said his Town Council had submitted a $140-million upgrading proposal to the Ministry of National Development (MND) and he was still waiting for a reply.

Hearing this, Mr Mah criticised Mr Chiam and Mr Low for their "selective hearing". He said it was made clear during the elections that the upgrading packages would be implemented only if the PAP candidates in the two Opposition wards were elected.

The two Opposition MPs were "very naive" for "only going for the good parts", he added.

"If you go on the Workers' Party's platform, you are not going to have enough money for upgrading, education, healthcare, and so on. When you vote for the PAP, you are not just voting for the goodies, for the package. You are also voting for all the parts of the package that comes together," he said.

1) Study the words in bold. We are being constantly reminded of this partisan, pork barrel politics. To unlock your own money, Singaporeans, you must vote PAP. Anybody else, and you'll have no access to your own money.

2) The blurred line between PAP and govt funds. PAP uses public funds like their own little piggy bank, dishing it out to their favourites and denying it to others. I especially like the exchange "The surpluses are generated by the PAP and the people have no part in it?" I wonder what the reply to that was.

3) We should have these kinds of proceedings telecast live on national TV. Not just highlights. This will get people to sit up, wake up and vote wisely.

Can you see the groundswell of discontent? Muaahahah

My brother introduced me to Deathnote the manga. Interesting read. He keeps talking about how its so Nietzsche as in "Might is right"... after Kira gets the power to kill anyone he begins to define what justice is... and by his own standards... and although initially he kills criminals after a while he kills anyone who opposes his hand of justice... Also, the Death God Ryuk is a very interesting personality... existentialist you'd say...

Heh. I found something that's like the conclusion of our whole CS401 ethics course:

If there is no God, all things are permissible - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

till next time,
Jerry

long overdue update

2006-11-04T19:37:00.000+08:00

Well, the Camedia 5050 idea didn't pull through, the shop ended up being out of stock...

And I'm beginning to realise my blog has a much wider audience than I ever imagined...

Car Geek-speak ahead!-------------------------

Got caught by the car bug again recently. Been staring at Saturday Classifieds while waiting anxiously for my mom to confirm the office getting her a car... her boss is one tough nut to crack but I hope he'll agree... its just a matter of time and I have to be patient I guess.

Went to test drive the plain vanilla 1.6 Impreza the other day. My mom found it a little cramped in the back given its length was slightly bigger than our old Sunny. That's probably because of the boxer engine configuration. Also, It weighs over 1200kg due to the AWD mechanism and the 1.6 litre auto I tested felt quite underpowered. The only viable option would be the manual. So cramped interior, higher fuel consumption. The handling and roadholding is fantastic though... curves at corners at speed without a hunch... Steering feedback is good.

This is one car you'd choose with your heart, not your brain.

Looking to try out the amazingly cheap Lancer 1.6 over another weekend... its almost a good 7 or 8k cheaper and on paper has a larger interior. Also has an interesting CVT gearbox option and comes standard with more goodies like reverse sensors. Will keep you posted.

I'd like to gun for a manual but the way my mother drives the van sends shivers down my spine and I honestly worry about whether a manual car would last very long in her hands... there's absolutely no concept of engine break... its like there's this phobia of the engine stalling that's so paranoid that even when she approaches a red light at 50kph she'll just immediately free gear and start braking very hard... with that dangerous 'diving forward' feeling occuring frequently while stopping...

but then again its not like her braking is any more gradual when driving the auto car... LOL... that's why I wonder whether a CVT would build in any engine braking to help slow the car down gradually...

-----------------------Plans----------------

My interview with MOE is tomorrow afternoon. I have to miss the last CS401 lesson! *gasp* But I hope to do well and get a confirmation for GP at JC level straightaway...

Also, I'm planning to visit my dad in Cambodia over the holidays. We're looking at first or third week of December since Simon has a church mission trip on the 2nd week in nearby Vietnam. Any1 interested? the tickets are only about $70 per trip

------------- School matters

Quite a few things have happened: For CS411 a formal complaint has been made. Now I have my reservations about the way the course is being conducted and I do agree it is severely disorganized... Prof Javed has a lot of shaping up to fit into the way things work here... but I still feel that the subject matter covered was within my expectations...

I think he talked about the aims of specialist writing as in being specialist training to address imbalances in journalistic media coverage of specific issues like labour relations, against big business interests that are exploitative, women's rights, minority rights, and other areas that news values traditionally ignore... news values has a very short attention-span and is hopelessly myopic...a dominant-discourse driven value.... which is why many journalists are agenda driven...

yes I know these issues are being covered in world media but probably what is meant is that the aim of the course tries to provide a framework and some starting points and content for future venturing into such areas that should be covered...

And what's with all the philosophy stuff like Huntington, Francis Fukuyama, human rights and all that? It's quite simple. We need to examine and come from some moral, rational or philosophical background as to why these areas should be covered, to what effect, with what angle, and with what intended aim. And also to write sound editorials and commentaries.

I absolutely regret that media's role and purpose and what part it should play is not really discussed or debated (despite some attempts on the part of my classmates and myself to bring the matter up) but then we more or less can assume that these areas are to be covered and this course is working on that premise.

But once again, if you feel shortchanged, you can always seek redress. It is your right as a paying consumer of education, right?

CS401:
It's coming to a close, and its been quite exciting... unfortunately I realise this is not a philosophy class and most people don't want to treat it as so... its just another place for people to look smart by citing big names and sounding scientific and credible by using frameworks and such to justify whatever they want... without critically debating and challenging the various frameworks that are presented us and coming out with our own... the FASS shadow looms again...

Even Cenite's worldview is gradually being exposed as the lessons begin to draw to a close... hah! He's been exposed. Everyone's entitled to his own views no doubt about it, but I thought he always says he never tries to show his own point or to influence us and has professional unbiasedness? :) well to be fair there isn't such a thing. I think the important part is to be honest about stating where you're coming from yet being as realistically unbiased as possible...and being critical in your approach to everything...

It's just like the "Struggle for the soul of Islam" talk with Prof. Esposito... very analytical, systematic, fluid and robust line of discussion and argument... and all the time I was trying to catch his worldview but I couldn't... because he was very strictly academic and so was the manner in which he addressed the topic... it was only when he said he had spoken before at Unitarian Churches that we understood... (even then I'm making a presumption that such churches only invite believers to speak)

CLOSING THOUGHTS
What gives, as this phase of life leaves for the next? Not much really. Earning a salary is quite important, having less free time would be sad but inevitable, but, its just a different set of things of circumstances and working conditions that's all... we still have our longstanding areas of concern in family, church and close friends... but who knows what will happen next?

Because with freedom in Christ everything else only matters so much... and that is something worth celebrating...

Have you seen God's Kingdom? I've seen in... in the hearts of men and women who live selfless lives in Christ's name... I've seen it... in those who struggle against themselves and their tendencies to try and obey His commands... I've seen it... in those who willingly submit themselves to the circumstances God put them in, focusing rather on serving and loving those whom God puts around them than on what they want to do...

Lord keep me in thy Kingdom amongst your people both now and in eternity!

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on!

from Battle Hymn of the Republic

melancholy

2006-10-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

Soyez béni, mon Dieu, qui donnez la souffrance comme un divin remède à nos impuretés...

It's from a poem by Charles Baudelaire, a 19th century sort of reactionary neo-classicist French chap.

Loosely translated as : Praise be to you, O God, who sends us suffering as a divine remedy for our impurities...

came across this fellow in my modern art history reading... entitled "Figures of Authority, Ciphers of Regression"... some anti-Regan rant kind of...and how art can be subverted through authoritarianism. Bleah.

I haven't blogged for quite a long while and I apologise to the faithful who still visit nevertheless... as you can see I've been under some sort of pain and anguish... should be over soon...

A few things I've settled. I'm going to finish my 21 days of NSF in June / July, and I've applied to be a teacher at JC level to hopefully teach GP, which I enjoy very much.

I bought my mother a new handphone not too many days ago too. I've been eyeing the Olympus C-5050 prosumer camera for quite some time now and I've found a 2nd-hand photography store that carries it. If its worth it I might just actually buy it! 1.8F-stop in a non-SLR is quite an achievement. Slight barrel distortion reported at the widest setting though...

What's on my mind now? This could well sum it up

Set me as a seal upon thine heart,
as a seal upon thine arm:
for love is strong as death;
jealousy is cruel as the grave:
the coals thereof are coals of fire,
which hath a most vehement flame.

-Song of Solomon 8:6

Pope Benedict's speech meets the media monster; was the Prophet Mohammed defamed?

2006-09-19T09:02:00.000+08:00

I blame the media for quoting the Pope's words out of context. I blame the media for sensationalization. I blame the media for letting their news values get the better of their corporate and societal responsibility. I blame our general media system that emphasizes timeliness, competition and excitement over responsibility.

Not all the international media were guilty of these. At least some bothered to put the context in the body of their news articles - though that doesn't help the many people who only read headlines.

Our 411 Prof expressed disappointment at BBC's coverage - and I felt likewise.

What Pope Benedict was actually saying
The Pope's speech was about establishing a common ground from which there could be inter-faith dialog - that common ground of reason. The bulk of his speech was about how secularization had resulted in a divorce between faith and reason - that people were no longer supposed to talk about and try to understand God through reason. This he briefly touches on in what he calls 'the 3 stages of de-hellenization' - hellenization meaning Greek thought, philosophy and systems of seeing and understanding things.

Now personally I do not agree about whether it makes sense or it is even possible to be able to talk about God using a man-made and thus finite system of logic and reasoning - I suppose such endevours can, and should be done with several conditions in mind.

These systems would help to explain in human terms the way things work, but they would fall short and be insufficient. Thus,

1) We must do so with an acknowledgement of these systems' limitations and shortcomings

2) We must use these systems against a backdrop and basis of faith and in truth - being the revelation of truth via the scriptures with the illumination/conviction of the Holy Spirit.

3) Keeping a crucial biblical principle in mind - knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.

Let's be reasonable dear Muslims - just like God is
That being said, the 'reason' that the Pope has been talking about as a backdrop seems universal and neutral enough to be a common ground from which to begin with - and that's a good start.

I do agree the Pope was being insensitive in the way he brought up the medieval quotation. However, he was trying to illustrate a point - a point that has extreme relevance in today's world. People are hijacking the Muslim faith to commit irrational - and hence, the Pope argues -unreasonable acts which are contrary to God's will. This ground of reason could be a way to combat this militant extremism.

How dare you define our faith
What a shame it is that the leader of another faith needs to try and point out deviations and problems with your own. Feel insulted? I understand. To be frank, the history of Christianity has had many episodes of such abuse by its leaders - many committed by that same authority pointing its fingers at Islam now. Many still abusing it now. But, apart from the bombings of abortion clinics (which I detest - let 'free will' reign - everyone shall have to answer for himself before God during the judgement) Christians don't go about blowing up people of other religions anymore. But at least we're honest with ourselves. We suck too.

But this is something Muslims need to settle amongst themselves. Should Bush intervene and promote freedom and democracy? Should the Pope engage the Muslims on a common ground in order to temper their militant deviations? I honestly don't know. Muslims already have a dark, mysterious view of Bush. Of the Pope? Conspiracy theories, unfounded or otherwise, abound.

Pacifying the Media Monster
The Pope was taken out of context. There is an outrage at the media reports. Pope apologises and regrets the outrage. I think this is a fair apology. In fact - he's kind of apologising for the way the media reported his words out of context.

Defamation test
I don't know what else they want the Pope to apologise for. The Pope has already shown his moral dignity by regretting the unhappiness and outrage at that part of his speech. If you want a recant of the statement

"show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached"

then

1) you'll need to prove the falsity of the Pope's quotation, that Prophet Muhammad did not command, in any of the holy texts, to spread the Muslim faith by the sword.

2) evil and inhuman have no objective test in a secular context - some people would classify homosexual behaviour and eating of animals and abortion as 'evil' or 'inhuman' - thus it is a matter of opinion that is based on a fact; this fair comment defense would fail only if you manage to prove its being based on a false statement as described in 1)

9-11 6 years on

2006-09-14T13:16:00.000+08:00

There have been several anniversaries in the past few days. The 9-11 attacks on the World Trade Center Towers in New York was commemorated with the US President Bush saying that the war on terror was not a 'clash of civilizations' but rather 'the fight for civilization'.

Let us examine the shift in terminology.

If the West / Europe in general could be seen as a civilization, we are more or less convinced that it has an interest and will to fight the Islamic extremists propagating violent terror acts in the religion's name.

But some hard truths remain. The Islamic world, or civilization, if we take Huntington's paradigm, has not wholeheartedly and resolutely agreed that these elements in their civilization are a problem that need to be addressed. In spite of the condemnation of the attacks by most Islamic nations (most already implies problems of collective agreement on the state level) we must realise that the sub-state level is where all the action counts. As long as extreme variants of Islam continue to have a foothold amongst the populations of majority Muslim communities - the spreading of extreme doctrines and people who will obey them to their deaths will continue.

So Bush is, rather unfortunately, being idealistic when he says that all civilization, united in their agreement of the condemnation of extremist violent Islamic doctrine, is going to quash these fringe extremists together.

As long as a significant portion of the Islamic population is sympathetic to these extremists then it is still, a clash of civilizations.

How can we win Islamic civilization over? This grappling with religious extremism is something that has to be settled from within Islam. The learned men of the faith need to go back to the source, the Koran, as well as all the practices, doctrines, teachings, traditions and institutions that spring from it, and try to establish a common ground. Which are indigenous customs and traditions? Which are absolutely mandated by the writings of faith? What of fatwas? No longer should Muslim brothers and sisters be misled by false teachers who try to twist and turn Allah's authority to their own ends.

You realise how strange and offensive it is for an outsider Christian like myself to just merely comment on another faith? So no outside intervention from the West or Europe or secularists is going to help in this process. If Bush, without winning the Islamic civilization in general to his side, proceeds to war, then I fear that hardline strains of Islam will become more popular.

One can reason with another most of the time. But though faith is reasonable, faith cannot be reasoned with. If someone told you murdering thousands of people was going to bring God glory and you believed him nobody else would be able to reason with you. The only way would be to prove to you that this someone is not to be believed.

It's the false teachers - humans - who are spreading these teachings, that need to be stopped. So Muslim scholars, religious leaders and teachers need to sit down together. Islam as a religion is undergoing emancipation. From the politics of man, from abuse, from subversion, from false teaching. They have their work cut out.

What can non-Muslims do in the meantime? Forgive. Strengthen security and be vigilant. But don't play into Osama's hand. Continue to be open-minded. Have interfaith dialog. Public awareness. Mutual understanding. Dispell misconceptions. Agree to disagree. React firmly but humanely. Show mercy to those who have been misled. For charity will overcome all evil, even if this charity may be at times used against us. Let Muslims understand that in this 'us versus them' - its the world versus some people who hijack religion for their own ends.

count your blessings name them 1 by 1

2006-09-06T02:15:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it I rewrote this blog entry 5 times because of lack of focus, and at this point I've just kind of given up and I'm just gonna write what's been happening to me rather than some lengthy discussion on Islam or law or something like that.

CS411 has been quite interesting in terms of the content covered but unfortunately not in the way in which it's being approached... Human Rights critique due some time next week... Boy am I going to have an interesting time writing on this.... but the readings are lengthy...

Been very blessed - recently had a few ups and downs but the Lord has been my strength and joy. Christian brothers and sisters in and outside of church always make my walk more bearable. Questions and issues raised and debated... edification and understanding amongst us has improved... Still need to continually reach out to the rest of the brethen who are struggling or getting lost or disillusioned... so many of us... God help us all

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us - Heb 12:1

missing the heart of the problem

2006-08-29T15:02:00.000+08:00

After 3 years of studying in the School of Communication and Information, I have lost my idealism in the line of work which I have been preparing myself academically for. It may have been because I had a rather ridiculous self-imposed ideal of journalism, objectivity and the search for truth – that here was something more than a trade – but rather a profession whose primary duty was to bind the human conscience and make us accountable for ourselves – from the most noble to the most depraved of deeds ever done with human hands.

But is my work truly making a difference? Are the business needs of pandering to the audience as espoused in the news values of proximity, relevance, human interest pushing aside the things that we ought to cover? And timeliness – that everything ought to be taken merely as a fleeting glance in the public eye – that people grow bored and tired of focusing on the same things and seek solace in finding some new distraction… is modern society’s greatest evil and we help to maintain it.

We come, we film the carnage or the disaster, we show it to the world, they get a knee-jerk reaction, they send help, it dies down and things go back to the way they were.

We failed to address the root of the problem.

Corrupt governments remain. Regimes that suppress human rights stay propped up. Economic poverty stays. Curtails on freedom continue.

We need political intervention and change of policy!

When we select our representatives in government we always ask: what’s in it for us?

Few ‘modern first-world’ governments dare risk the political capital and potential economic drawbacks of giving up their hold and positions of privilege in order to pursue principles of ensuring the well-being of their fellows around them. Can we blame them? They hold the values we hold.

I’m not saying advocacy journalism is futile. It is noble and has produced much fruit and those who believe whole-heartedly in a duty to document and record events ought to carry on their good work. Its immediacy and impact to shock the public conscience is unprecedented in our modern age. I’m just saying that, while it has a potential and does make a difference – the human conscience can still be numbed, distracted, and swayed and selfishness can still prevail and when that happens we ourselves risk being voyeuristic spectators to inhumanity and the newsmen and news companies exploiters of our fellow man’s misery.

entertainment license needed at government events?

2006-08-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

The case of the missing cockles

where got 'hum' ?

I had so much respect for PM I found myself actually asking people if they really did serve mee siam with cockles in places I'd never been before...

1 person actually told me yes... (it was dz)

Most said PM was trying to be sarcastic in responding to Bak Chor Mee... but... Bak Chor Mee really IS served with liver... but to reply.... mee siam mai hum... an ingredient that doesn't exist in the dish in the first place.... is rather... inconsistent rather than sarcastic right?.... Just sounds... ridiculous... like dog without wings.

Unless he wanted us to laugh at his mistake rather than his rebuttal at mr brown...

First peanuts. Then Mee Siam Mai Hum. Could there be some other reality out there?

The case of the newspaper that transformed cockles into chilli

I got wind of this one from my dad who's working overseas... apparently the ST publishes PM's speech the next day and "mai hum" transforms into "mai hiam" (no chilli)

Did we all hear the PM wrongly? Those who have missed the important part please check it for yourself at mr brown's location...

Is the ST helping to cover-up for that rather illogical boo-boo on the PM's part? Why are they doing this? I mean, there's no threat to be had from publishing that the PM made a rather weird but nevertheless innocent mistake... and they still wanna help him pre-empt any possible loss of face for him.... Why can't they just publish facts and simply NOT publish things which are 'contrary to public order and stability'.... why change the facts... and pretend half of Singaporeans had their ears clogged up...

Why ST Why?

and after some ppl complain about why ST didn't report things as they had happened, the PMO comes out into the open: He meant... LAKSA... mai..... (ok nobody really cares anymore) ......

why don't I read ST anymore?

Jerry

thinking aloud - the tudung thing

2006-08-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

Are the charges of facism brought up by Berita Harian Malaysia tenable? It's hardly facism... but it got me thinking about the whole headdress thing... Shouldn't people have freedom of dress over themselves?

note: I agree that to expect OTHERS to dress according to your standards is wrong... like the demand for ALL female students at a Malaysian University not to wear sleeveless etc etc...

uniformed services are a different matter... its part of the job... but anyway, even in the ARMY Sikhs are allowed not to wear their beret (which is a standard part of the uniform) and Sikh motorcyclists don't wear helmets that are required by law... and yet female Muslims will be refused state-sponsored education because they are not allowed to wear their religious head-dress... is this a double standard I'm seeing?? Or a lack of political clout on the part of the Malay-Muslim community? Equality ought to be a matter of principle... not just who manages to muscle in...

don't be thrown off by the red-herring that the Muslim girls in question during the case had not reached puberty yet... this no-headdress policy is in force in all government schools including secondary level as well where puberty begins... it appears that there are cases where they are actually allowed to wear headdress but its typically done on the quiet... official stance is no headdress allowed as far as I know. It's too overt and not part of the school uniform.

I understand that the headdress requirement is not compulsory in all interpertations of Islam but then again its not really the state's business to go about standardising any particular religion right? Apparently the wearing of headscarf is at least preferred... so don't people with such convictions have their right too?

isn't freedom of religious expression guaranteed? (and wearing a headdress could hardly be construed to be a threat to public order to any reasonable person - a matter in which then the state according to its role would need to prevent)

How are we going to achieve mutual understanding and harmony if we alienate our fellow citizens in such a manner?

Truth according to pz: Truth is something you refuse to see and hear

2006-08-10T11:54:00.000+08:00

Take us Father by Thy hand
and lead us to that fair land
Where joy shall not pass away

From danger keep us free
and our Comforter be
Lest we stray from the narrow way

Sojourning on and on
You're all we lean upon
For God He never shall fail

Take us Father by Thy hand
and lead us to that fair land
That place just beyond the vale.

That hope in Christ... so precious for us helpless souls... Keep Him in your thoughts always

freedom of expression?

2006-08-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

What is freedom of expression?

Let's just engage in a theoretical discussion about what that would mean. 'Free' is a term to be used in a manner that you have to be 'free' of 'something'. It is not an attribute or state in and of itself like one says an apple is 'red'.

An apple could be 'red' but expression needs to be 'free' of 'something'

Some of you may see what this is leading to - even if we can be 'free' in our expression from government, as we have so far discussed - we are still not 'free' of many other factors - like money (money being more or less equated with power in modern society - airtime and services of media professionals aint cheap) and agendas (as Alexis pointed out). Newspaper reporters and news selection criteria themselves suffer from biases - as we already know.

Sidetrack - As journalists we ourselves have to grapple with these all the time as we select and present information. To be fair we ought to have disclaimers (eg for ST: You guys know who our shareholders are, so take what we say with a pinch of salt) but more often than not, sometimes mainstream press tends to pretend, and the rest of the population just believes, that they're presenting the objective viewpoint from nowhere and in a totally neutral manner.

So its hard to see how expression could be free of everything.

Even if - for argument's sake - all these market distortions were removed and all information and possible viewpoints were presented to the public equally, apart from suffering a bad dose of information overload, could the public freely judge for itself and sift through all this information? (Let's not talk about the standards against which people make these judgements for now - that's a matter of personal worldviews, values and personal ethics)

First of all, the members of the public would not be able to judge freely because they would still not be free of ignorance.

For instance, is it worthwhile for a layman to be exposed to the different medical positions on how HIV is transmitted? It would at best cause confusion, or worse, result in the adoption of activities that may increase the possibility of infection as empirical scientific medical research may have statistically proven. This is why journalists seek expert opinions on matters requiring in-depth knowledge and understanding and present the most reliable information.

Secondly, the public would still not be free of their own personal biases and social conditioning.
People will always have prejudices and stereotypes about anything deemed alien or unknown to them. Someone who hasn't studied much of Middle Eastern history, politics and sociology probably isn't going to be able to make a good decision on whether to send soldiers there and if so on which side.

And as history has shown, many people, even journalists ourselves, are guilty of being presumptious, jumping to conclusions, following the herd mentality and just not being critical enough about the things we see and yet pretending we already know all that there is to know.

So, people too can't freely discern for themselves what's true or not...

I'm sorry if this sounds very long-winded and sidetracked... but my point is that unless we define 'freedom' to be 'freedom from government' only... we risk deluding ourselves that we can be free from everything and hence espouse that mythical 'view from nowhere'....(objectivity?)

Of course, if you think the more viewpoints espoused means we get closer to the truth then every view from everywhere (omniscience) would be required.

(article till this point reproduced from CS401 media ethics discussion on freedom of expression)
God is the ultimate journalist. That's why He's able to pass judgement!

Haha!

My 2cents - hope you enjoyed it.

my IPOD SHUFFLE died

2006-07-31T09:58:00.000+08:00

argh this sucks I don't think its been 2 years but my iPod Shuffle's dead already. 1 day ago it kept failing to be recognized by all the computers I tried plugging it into. And today as I was plugging it out of my comp for the upteenth time the usb plug separated from the rest of the iPod. It's dead. 512MB. Dead. ARGHH why can't things be built to last?? STUPID.

acuransx the foolish

2006-07-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

FYP discussion between me and a friend leading to re-examination of values:

A: still no topic lah
R: !!
A: keep getting rejected by *****
R: i thought that u pitched some topics to *****?
R: even the media and religion thingy?
A: there were 2 rounds of that already
R: aiyohh
A: if only it were clear - wat were the guidelines for choosing a topic and scope
A: right now it just feels like its up to the fyp sup's interests or understanding of how wide or angled it would be
A: i'm quite disappointed lah
R: the media and religion kena rejected too?
A: keep refining... he keep insisting certain things arent worth it.... doesn't like our scope and approach... why r these ppl so 1-track? just like *****
A: well then have u tried the other journ profs?
A: who is he better to say that something is going to be more appealing to audiences than something else?
A: but anyway i sometimes feel i am in the wrong area of study
A: it is true audiences haf a short attention-span and want only the gist of everything
A: i only regret that i fooled myself into thinking it was something else.
A: cos i hate the restrictions that 'capturing audiences attention' or 'news relevance' imposes on me
A: if it were me, i'd rather write to make everybody read what i want to say. and convincingly too

In short, I want to define what ought to be newsworthy. HaahHAa...

People who say objectivity? there isn't any... The best they could strive for is balance or 'plurality of viewpoints' People who insist they can be objective are claiming to be espousing the viewpoint from nowhere - which doesn't exist. Shyam concedes with me on that :)

(sidetrack: Only God has the viewpoint from everywhere - the ultimate and only objective journalist in that sense)

But anyway the media industry just seems so... trivial... just like news, celebrities... it focuses on things that are here today and gone tomorrow and promote self-seeking, sensastionalism, gossip, controversy and all other kinds of rather unworthy distractions for people to spend their time and money on.

Maybe I'm too pessimistic. Maybe I'm just focusing on the negatives. But somehow I don't find my supposedly stated goal as a media worker any meaningful... apart from the fact that it pays the mortgage. But so many other jobs pay the mortgage too...

I still maintain that I like writing. I always will. Just that journalism isn't the same as writing. On that I was so mistaken. Does it give opportunities to write? Yes. But its stated intent of writing and impact on content is too great for me. I'm not just a writing machine no sir. I will write what I mean to write.

*sigh*

Why don't I just shut-up already and just get a job that pays the bills...

Ha. That's why I can never believe whole-heartedly in any job. Just Our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

2006-07-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

Come live your life with me
Peter Cincotti

No one can buy tomorrow
No one can sell their sorrow
But when you look into my eyes
Darling, you'll always see

Love, I will give you love
Come live your life with me

We'll have our good times and even in sad times
With love we will find the way

Nothing else matters but loving each other
The way that we do today

Here in our world together
Love will go on forever
Warm in the shelter of my arms
Darling, you'll always be

Love, I will give you love
Come live your life with me

Here in our world together
Love will go on forever
Warm in the shelter of my arms
Darling, you'll always be

Love, I will give you love
Come live your life with me
--------------------------------------

slow n jazzy - to the opening theme of the Godfather...

nice music for a quiet night.....

Straits Times, why do ye speakth in parables? If income disparity has worsened, tell us plainly!

2006-07-07T10:47:00.000+08:00

Another reason not to read / work in the local newspaper industry?

Perhaps so, my hapless SCI friends. And the MICA had the cheek to go around accusing mrbrown of 'distorting the truth'...

Truth twisted around and contorted is still arguably truth sometimes, but the June 29th headline treated all Singaporeans like complete idiots.

In the past it was a matter of reading the headline, and then the main text body of the article would tell you something else. But this time their window dressing was plain for all to see. Need I press any further?

After NKF we thought maybe the press after all did operate as something else other than a business (as some people would claim). But thinking about that, it does make perfect business sense that the ST would defend its reputation? So no ideals being upheld here. As Don Corleone would say - its not personal, its strictly business.

But I would suspect that, the effect of that whole NKF episode was that somehow public expectations of the press were changed or increased somewhat, at least maybe to certain sectors of the population. This was probably in tandem with an increasingly sophisticated readership.

Anyway, GE2006 and Gomezgate with its political implications came along and ST descended back into its former self. With increasing access to alternative media as well as large attendance at disappointingly covered opposition rallies I believe a growing number began to be disillusioned and skeptical about the mainstream press.

Now, the dust has settled. And yet ST pulls off yet another excellent stunt. Why such a headline? It would be very VERY hard for ST to argue that it was being responsible to the public and not being partisan in politics (the same accusation MICA threw at mrbrown) when they come up with such headlines that are twisted and contorted for some reason close to the point of self-contradiction.

Or do they have a duty to preserve at all costs public order, for fear that Singaporeans would riot and bang tables when they have learnt that the bottom 30% of people here got poorer?

I'm not advocating civil disobedience and quite honestly a bad report card as such would turn heads but won't start a riot.

The point here is - report the plain truth as it is. Don't go around twisting and turning on words like income and wages. What type of conclusion would people draw?

The public readership is becoming more sophisticated and politically-aware. ST needs to start coming clean and deliver what is being expected of it, lest business suffer.

Also, wouldn't it be a political nightmare for the government if people start getting fed up with the mainstream press and turn to alternative media for news and public debate - the latter being much more out of their control and influence than traditional media?

Wise-up ST. As far as I can see, you're not winning any hearts in the SCI fraternity or amongst the growing intelligentsia.

As an aside - now that we know - that the bottom 30% of household have actually been experiencing falling incomes - wouldn't it shake the foundations of a government that places almost all its legitimacy on being able to 'deliver the goods' and feed the people economically? The release of this information was nicely timed too - after GE.

Comeon, I'm sure things will look better with the casinos when they're finally done...

*blink blink*

Unemployed life

2006-07-05T08:56:00.000+08:00

Good. I no longer feel bad about not working this holidays. Been busy reading the 2-volume A History of Christianity by Latourette as well as Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales.

The latter book is a sort-of revisitation of my old JC arch enemy The Wife of Bath's Prologue and Tale which I did for A-level literature. It was a great act of foolhardiness that I went for the exam without having actually finished reading the text itself - and no doubt this wanton insult to Chaucer cost me my A.

But nevertheless I'm enjoying it tremendously now. If only I had appreciated it half as much as I do now back then...

Grammar and sentence construction getting a bit twisty and stretched out are we?

Like all lit texts there's a context of medieval Europe to be discovered in Chaucer. From their detailed astrology, fascination with the pagan Greek and Roman gods, the underlying theology and issues with the Christianity of their day... and so on. And all that soapy courtly love stories in between.

Btw, a great semi-final between Germany and Italy this morning. I watched from the 2nd half onwards. Nothing better than 2 evenly-matched sides, many close shaves and a SHOCKING 2 goal victory in the last 2 minutes of the post match 30min extra time period! Kudos!

God bless!

"if you don't like pushing paperwork, what do you like?"

2006-06-24T16:36:00.000+08:00

That was the key phrase that stumped me as my supervisor enquired of me why I was quitting after a week on the job.

She got me on that one. There were so many answers I just didn't know where to begin.

Then it struck me. She was coming from an entirely different planet altogether. I was never meant for this job. So I politely came up with some self-depreciating comment about my incompetence with numbers and such (which isn't without basis by the way).

"Then how come you managed to last one month the last time you worked here?"

Well. The truth was it was a different supervisor who didn't just throw tonnes of greek at me and tell me hey - deadline in 2 days.

"Because the work last year was easy. I just keyed in things."

Also probably because last time I didn't get emails between 2am-4am in the morning about things to be done.

"I think I can't fit into the pace of work here, the work culture."

Indeed. I don't. Somehow I pity my friends who have careers or are about to have careers in lawyering, accounting, and all those kinds of specialist paperwork processors, always working around rules, legislations, legal frameworks, audit trails, tax complicance, going around and around in the bureaucracy.

But hey, maybe they find it a great challenge? Fair enough. Or hey - its just work. Yea so is driving the squeaky little van running around making deliveries.

Somehow maybe I'm very low-level material, but to me that's more fulfilling than figuring out how to justify putting 70% of this entity's support time into the German company's expense sheet. Nevermind whether or not 70% of the time was actually spent supporting the German company. Your job is to explain it away.

But of course, money ought to override all the most boring, redundant, ridiculous, unreasonable working conditions and supervisors and also dull away all the possibly unethical implications of your work right?

No wonder they paid me $9 an hour.

Too bad. I quit still. This work is not for me.

More things in life than corporate glamour, big money, expensive cars and suits and big lunches. I'm not going to numb myself half-dead just for all that.

Also, the last 2 full-time people who were here before me didn't last more than 3 months each either. So at least I know its not just me.

the rat race

2006-06-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

finished the internship. What a teary send-off.

I immediately got a position at some MNC I had worked in before. It's at SGX Tower 1. The corporate rat race. Every morning walking with the throngs of executives and what-nots in the underpass to shenton way.

The pay's good, but the pace of work terrifying.

Taxation is something totally new to me, but I'm just being slammed in headlong in the work and muddling about figuring things out as I go.

I fell ill yesterday and it got worse, so I left work early. I told my sup: I might be on MC tomorrow as I'm going to see the doc. Been having a fever runny nose for past few days. She was like "why don't you get a jab so you'll recover faster then you can come back tomorrow afternoon".

Also, "could you wait till next Monday to get sick because I'll be on leave then"

Who knows. I might not last more than the first week there. I'm learning too slowly and the only reason I can think I'm still there is that they have no other alternative.

I get emails from her at 3am in the morning. Terrifying. They really bleed for their nice suits and extravagant spending.

Anyway, I have 2 days of MC and I intend to actually take at least one day...

But guess what. I'm actually feeling bad about taking MC and thinking about that pile of stuff sitting there to be cleared...

This is a different kind of work experience compared to what I've had in my previous jobs...